Like Father Like Son Page #3

in your bloody mary.

- Oh, God.

- Dr. Hammond.

Dr. Hammond.

l feel a little responsible

about what's happened here.

lt started out when l fooled around with

my uncle's brain-transference serum.

There's no such thing

as a brain transference.

No sweat.

l remember my uncle

saying something...

...about it not lasting very long.

l can ask him, but he's gone.

- Well, not dead. Just gone.

- Listen to me, you little a**hole.

l don't care where your uncle is

or what you have to do to find him.

But you go now and do whatever you

have to do to get us out of this thing.

And if you don't, you'll never finish

puberty. Do l make myself clear?

Sorry, Dad.

Trigger.

Trigger.

Dr. Hammond? ls that you?

No! Yes. l was just wondering

if you'd seen my cat.

- No.

- No. Damn cat.

Well, then, Walter...

...l wonder, could l have a word

alone with your fine boy, Clarence?

- Sure.

- l'll see you at the front door!

Hello.

- What's up?

- What can l get you?

Drinks.

- l'll have a martini.

- You want that on the rocks?

No, in a glass is fine.

Could l have some ice

with that, please?

And what would be your finest

champagne?

Louis Roederer Cristal,

and you're not getting any.

Yeah.

This sucks. l'm gonna cruise

the joint and gets me a woman.

And you guys know each other?

Well, well, well. Who have we here?

We have moi.

- Me.

- You know, when l saw you...

...a moment ago, a shiver

ran through my body.

Think l need something

to warm up?

You mean like a hot chocolate?

l was thinking of something a little

more personal and a lot more private.

- Private as in just you and me?

- Can't think of anyone else to invite.

- Okay.

- Okay?

The place is full of nuns.

Hello, there. How you doing?

The name's Trigger. As in ''horse.''

As in ''hung like.''

This is my son's friend.

- Yeah, see, we're inseparable.

- Yeah.

The age difference doesn't matter,

because l think like an adult.

- l also do other things like an adult.

- Yeah.

l have to go.

- Charming to meet your son's friend.

- The charm was all mine.

- l'll see you.

- Yeah, sure. Anytime.

- Anytime?

- Sure.

Let's rock 'n' roll!

On the house!

We have some lines open right now,

so give us a call.

- You're on the air.

- Hi, Wally?

- Hi.

- Hi. I'm a first-time caller.

Thanks. Turn off your radio.

The key is in the ignition.

The key is in the ignition.

The key is in the ignition.

The key is in the ignition.

Just what I mean. What do you mean,

''Leave it or live with it''?

Like an alligator, some alligators

have teeth and some don't.

What happens when the good guys

have no guns, and the bad guys-?

The key is in the ignition.

Right. That's the type of moronic

answer that I get every morning.

You're talking about alligators

and amphibians.

Oh, sh*t.

The key is in the ignition.

The key is in the ignition.

What the hell have you done to me?

- Hold it down a little.

- You're drunk.

- You're drunk!

- No. l'm dead.

You're damn right you're dead.

Jesus, look at you!

You've been out all night doing

God knows what in my body!

- Right!

- Using my cash, boozing it up.

Where in the hell did you get the

money to pay for an outfit like that?

l only had $20 in my wallet.

- Well, Dad-

- My credit card.

You used my credit card.

Get in the house. You are grounded.

For the rest of your life!

- Yeah, all right! Lean on him!

- Up yours.

The key is in the ignition.

Do you mind? l'm on a diet.

- So sorry. l forgot.

- Hey, good morning, Dr. Hammond.

Or Chris. Whatever.

- What happened with Uncle Earl?

- You look like a geek.

- What about Earl?

- Well, it seems there's no phones...

...in the Zocolo Rain Forest...

...but l left a message with their police.

Earl should get back to us pronto.

- Well, pronto isn't good enough.

- Don't worry, l'll find him.

Chris, here's your excuse

for missing work today.

l want you to call my off-

l want you to call my office at precisely

9 a.m. and read this note, okay?

- Hey, Dad, where are you going?

- To school.

What?

Dad, you'll wreck everything!

What are you doing?

- Chris, it's the best thing.

- Come on!

You can't do this! That's my school!

You'll ruin it!

- This is the best thing, son. Trust me.

- You can't go to my school!

- Stop!

- l don't want you leaving this house...

...under any circumstances,

until l'm home.

Dad, l'm not gonna let you do this!

All right, kill your own son!

All right, have a good time.

Dad!

No! Now, l told you already.

You had your chance.

l'm going to the concert with Chris.

Come on, that guy's a dork.

What's he got that l haven't got?

- Excuse me, son.

- A Jaguar, for starters.

- l'm gonna park there.

- May l advise you not to do that, sir?

- That's Rick Anderson.

- Never heard of him. Let's go!

Oh, boy. l wouldn't do that, sir.

Chris, are you all right?

You look kind of funny.

- Yes, l'm fine-

- l'm looking forward to the concert.

- What concert?

- Are mag wheels optional on the XJ6?

See you.

Does this sort of thing happen often?

Doc, it's really not cool to scam

on your own son's date.

Look!

Dr. Hammond, it's nearly 9:30.

You should be at work.

Yeah.

Hi, Norma. Yeah. This is Chris-

His father, Dr. Hammond.

''Norma, l'm gonna be unable to come

to the hospital for the next few days...

...because l'm suffering from

an acute attack of the 120-hour flu...

...and a very severe case

of laryngitis.''

Yeah. ''Please refer all my calls and

appointments to Dr. Roger Hartwood.

Thank you.''

The main bronchi are distributed...

...around the whole circumference

of the tubes.

Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

- What, did you fart?

Move. Stop that!

''Stop that! Stop that!''

- Excuse me, is that seat taken?

- No, we saved it just for you, dude.

- Well, thank you.

- Well, well. Good morning, Hammond.

l do apologize for dragging

you in here so early.

That's quite all right.

Hammond, do you have a strong

grasp of the respiratory system?

- Very strong.

- Well, then, up to the board.

- Okay.

- Well, Dr. Hammond says...

...he has a strong grasp

of today's material.

We'll give him a chance to prove it...

...by sharing his vast knowledge

of the respiratory system with us.

Hammond, why don't you complete

the diagram for all of us.

Okay.

Well, your sketch work here

is a bit remedial...

...although it does have

a certain kindergarten charm.

The main bronchi and its branches...

...present only irregular

cartilaginous plates.

Oh, Dr. Armbruster? Dr. Armbruster?

Dr. Hammond called. Said he wasn't

feeling well, wouldn't be coming in.

That's a first. lt must be serious.

l'm having lunch out that way.

l'll drop by and check on him.

Dr. Hammond?

Dr. Hammond?

l'm going out for some groceries.

l will be back in about an hour.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

A quasi-humorous

side note to this election...

...is that Martin Van Buren,

who'd been born and raised...

...in Kinderhook, New York, and

was known as ''Old Kinderhook''...

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