Listen Up Philip

1

'He had been living in the city

for nine years,

'and was only now coming

to think of it as home.

'Characteristically not in a hurry,

'but perpetually enraged

by slow foot traffic before him,

'Philip was on this day meeting for lunch

with Mona, his ex-girlfriend,

'whom he had dated

throughout a portion of college.

'As with any punctual individual,

Philip loathed when people ran late,

'which Mona typically was.

'By the time Mona

made her way to Philip,

'he was in a state of rage

and on the verge of storming out...

'a reaction he was known to often have

'towards the end

of their two-year relationship.

'During the arguments

that led to their breakup,

'Mona repeatedly emphasised

Philip's short fuse and poor temper

'as key factors in no longer being capable

of tolerating his company.'

- It's just crazy that you're late to me.

- Can we stop talking about it?

25 minutes I'm waiting, almost 30.

It's an insult.

Also, I have a really busy day,

so now I have less than an hour.

Probably not even enough time

to eat anything.

Maybe a grilled cheese for me.

I had that the other day.

It's disgusting.

So I'll ask you how you are, right?

Things are good?

Things are good with me.

Allie and I just finally found

a new roommate.

Oh, what's-her-ass moved?

- She got married, like, two years ago.

- Figures.

- Is that the new book?

- Er... yeah.

I wasn't sure you'd noticed, or heard.

- OK.

- I'm just getting ready.

Things are gonna be pretty crazy for me

after the release.

In fact, this might be

the last time I'm home

for more than a week at a time

for the next eight or possibly nine months.

Actually, yeah, definitely.

It's just busy.

Los Angeles in January, San Francisco...

Powell's in Portland,

the whole West Coast thing, really.

I'm told to expect big things out there.

- You sound like you're bragging.

- That's because I am bragging.

And you're doing a really hurtful job

of sounding unfazed.

And do you know why that is?

Because you're not pretending.

You're not interested in this or me,

not even a little.

- Why would you say that?

- Because you never believed in me.

- And you don't now.

- Well, good for you.

No, not good for me. Great for me.

You know, you told me many times,

now that I think about it, actually,

that my goals were unreasonable

and foolhardy.

Am I recalling this correctly?

That my dream, the only dream I've had

since I was 14 years old,

to write and publish a novel of my own,

wasn't something I could just

reach out and have.

Hard work, you tell me. Years of

working up from the bottom, you tell me.

Well, you know something?

You were wrong.

Dead wrong, actually.

About me and everything.

This was for you. It's an advance copy.

I'd even written a little note

on the dedication page and everything.

But you know something?

You don't support me and you never did.

So you don't get this gift from me.

Not today, not ever. Forever.

You were unkind,

and you tried to stray me from my path.

And had I listened to you,

I'd be nothing right now.

'Philip had never been one

for speaking his mind,

'preferring instead

to bottle up his emotions,

'eventually forgetting or utilising them

for creative inspiration.

'However, this outpouring resulted in

Philip feeling more satisfied and content

'than he had in some time,

'and it was for this reason

that he immediately telephoned

'his college roommate, Parker,

'with the intention of delivering to him

an equally robust dressing down.'

You blew people's minds, man.

Now look at you. You're just a combination

of strange f***ing colours.

It was gonna be you and me, man.

Ring a bell?

Sophomore year, creative writing seminar,

it was us versus them.

- What the f*** happened?

- I...

Apparently not everybody's cut out

for life in the fast lane.

You make me want back

every minute of time I wasted with you,

dreaming of a future we could share.

Our declaration of principles.

Remember this?

Worthless now.

I was so stupid to think you wanted it.

I wanted it, you f***ing a**hole!

I did want it.

I wanted it more than you could know.

It's not so easy for everybody, OK?

We can't all be as lucky and talented

as the great Philip Lewis Friedman.

You know what, though?

I'm glad, I'm glad.

Because if both of our goals

had come true,

then I'd be just as much

of an insufferable piece of sh*t as you,

you f***in' Jew bastard!

This could have been us.

Instead, I'm all alone.

'Returning home to the apartment

he shared with Ashley Kane,

'his girlfriend of two years,

'Philip found himself gripped

by uncontrollable lust,

'temporarily forgetting the ambivalence

and negligence towards him

'that she was increasingly incapable

of concealing,

'as her success as a photographer

in the art world

'led to consistent and

lucrative commercial work.'

Hello? Ashley?

Hello.

Come out. I have a surprise for you.

'For the past year,

they had been living together,

'one advantage of which

was added stability,

'and a clear head space for writing.'

'Philip would credit this with allowing him

to finish his second novel,

'which he previously believed himself

unable to complete.'

...Parker, and I smoked him too.

I don't know what happened.

- Parker too?

- Yeah, so...

- Two nemesi in one day.

- Yes.

That's pretty hot.

- I'm really proud of you.

- Thank you very much.

I, er... I feel... No, it's insane.

- It's very hot.

- What is? The champagne?

- You being mean.

- Oh.

Not hot when you stand like that.

- It's not hot?

- Not hot.

You ruined it. Go back to your story.

'Despite these recent events,

'Philip was incapable of

experiencing happiness.

'He counterbalanced

his feelings of love and productivity

'with periods of extreme isolation,

'sometimes finding

that days on end had passed

'since last leaving the house.

'Shortly after the rush of severing ties

'with those he believed to be poisonous

to his mental health,

'Philip was too crippled

with anxiety and dread

'to go outside

for the better part of a week.

'Philip had harboured

increasingly romantic notions

'about what this period

in his life would mean,

'until one day, a few months before

the publication of his second novel,

'he abruptly became

confidently disenfranchised

'to the point of despondency.'

You know this should be your job.

- So sorry about the wait.

- Ah, it's ridiculous.

30 minutes I'm out here, 40 maybe.

I'm five away from leaving.

- I'm sorry. What do you want me to say?

- Nothing. I'd prefer you to say nothing.

Riley, don't hold my calls.

I've got some bad news,

two items of good news.

Give 'em to me in that order.

Bad news is you're not looking at

a good review in the Times.

What? How do we know so soon?

Who's doing it?

Some new woman.

- She's new.

- So what's the problem?

She doesn't like your book.

F***, I really needed that.

- I'll take the good news now.

- Well, two things.

First, you're going to be in the "35 Under 35"

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