Little Big Man Page #2

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Humiliate them.

That was how the Human Beings

taught a coward a lesson

and won a war.

Shadow!

Look at 'em go!

We got 'em runnin', boys!

Go get that black bastard!

Shooting rifles

against bow and arrow.

I never could understand

how the white world

could be so proud of winning

with them kind of odds.

God bless George Washington!

Before I knowed it, them words

just popped out of my mouth.

God bless my mother!

You murdering fool!

Got to cut your throat to get it

through your head

I'm a white man.

White?

Sure I'm white.

Didn't you hear me say

"God bless George Washington"?

"God bless my mother"?

I mean, now, what kind

of Indian would say

a fool thing like that?

Lend me that

to get off this paint.

Yeah.

The troopers took me

under their wing

and turned me over

to the Reverend Silas Pendrake

for moral guidance

and a Christian upbringing.

Can you drive a buggy, boy?

Oh, yes, sir.

I can do it.

You're a liar, boy.

If you was reared by the Indians

how could you learn

to drive a buggy?

We shall have to beat

the lying out of you.

Oh, dear Jack.

Welcome to your new home.

Your travail is over,

enfolded now as you are

in Christian love.

Well, boy,

are you unable to converse?

Huh?

No, I'm glad to meet

your daughter, sir.

You are addressing my wife, boy.

Poor boy.

Poor darling.

Think of the years

of suffering,

deprivation and hardship

among those awful savages.

The boy's deprivation, my dear,

has been more spiritual

than physical.

The Indians know nothing of God

and moral right.

They eat human flesh,

fornicate,

adulterize,

misogynize and

commune constantly

with minions of the devil.

It must be our task,

nay, our Christian duty,

to beat the misery out...

Beat the poor boy?

Not while there's

a breath left in my body.

I could have kissed her.

Well, I didn't mean

beat him literally, my dear.

I meant to beat him

symbolically.

Poor boy.

He hasn't even had

a proper bath.

His darling neck is so...

I detect the odor of food.

I shall wash this poor,

dirty boy.

It's suppertime!

Silas,

it is my Christian duty

to give this boy an immediate

thorough bath.

Take off your clothes, dear.

Take my clothes off?

Yes.

All of them?

E- Every stitch.

But I shall avert my eyes

at the necessary moment.

Bringing in

The sheaves

Bringing in the sheaves

We shall come rejoicing

Bringing in the sheaves.

Greatest bath

I ever had in my life.

Shall we gather at the river,

The beautiful,

the beautiful river?

You do realize,

don't you, dear Jack,

that the Reverend Pendrake

is not altogether wrong.

What?

What, ma'am?

Well, Jesus is your savior.

You do realize that,

don't you dear Jack?

Oh, Lordy, yes, Mrs. Pendrake.

Are you thinking of Jesus, Jack?

Yes'm. Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

But you musn't fib to me,

you know.

Oh, no, I love Jesus and Moses

and all of them...

There's quite a difference.

Moses was a Hebrew,

but Jesus was a gentile,

like you and me.

Aren't you done

washing that boy yet?

I'm giving the child important

religious instruction, Silas.

I want to eat!

Looks like a pretty well-growed

child, if you ask me.

All right now, dear,

please stand up

and let me dry you off.

I shall avert my eyes,

of course.

Fine... now step

out of the tub...

and...

Actually, you are

rather well grown, Jack.

You're small but...

nice-looking.

Did you know that?

No, ma'am.

Well, you are.

All the more reason

for you to receive

complete religious

instruction.

The girls, I'm sure,

will all be after you.

And Jack...

Ma'am?

That way lies madness.

What way, ma'am?

You, you'll understand these

things better when you're older.

The point is, my dear boy

that we all

must resist temptation.

Purity is its own reward.

Dear Jack.

Welcome to your new home.

Now dress...

and come in to supper.

I went to school

and learned all over

how to read and write

and cipher.

It was strange at first,

but Mrs. Pendrake tutored me,

and I learned fast.

But there was one thing I didn't

know nothing about,

and that was a thing called sin.

Aha! I caught you

at the gates of hell!

Boy!

The hand of God

must smite the carcass of man!

It's worth it, dear, Jack.

It's worth it a million times

over to be pure and good.

To walk in the paths

of righteousness.

There's no happiness like it.

Do you believe me, Jack?

Do you believe me?

Yes, ma'am.

I sure do.

Amazing grace, how sweet...

So it was I entered

my religion period.

I was a great

little hymn singer.

And I wasn't fooling, neither.

I'd been saved!

I baptize you in the name

of the Father and the Son

and the Holy Spirit!

Oh, Lord, look down upon

this poor boy who lived

among the heathen,

and cleanse him

of the corruption

of their foul and pagan ways.

And make him white

again as the snow.

Let him be reborn

and repurified

in Thy name.

I baptize you

in the name of the Father

and the Son

and the Holy Spirit!

Amen.

Mrs. Pendrake was right

about temptation.

Jack...

I wasn't having nothing

to do with them Jezebels.

I told her all about my triumph

over temptation,

and we read the Bible

for about an hour, to celebrate.

As the weeks went by,

I fell more and more

in love with Mrs. Pendrake.

Spiritually, of course.

Well...

I shall be off on

my Wednesday shopping.

The boy's doing so poor

these days,

why don't you

take him along and air him?

He'd be bored with shopping.

No, I wouldn't, ma'am.

All right, then,

you come with me, Jack.

Good morning, Mr. Kane.

Ma'am.

This is Jack,

my adopted son.

What's your pleasure, ma'am?

Well, let's see...

I think I shall have

a sassafras flip.

How about you, buster?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, I'll have the same.

Never mind for me, Mr. Kane.

I must be off

with my shopping.

It would bore you terribly,

Jack, dear.

You stay here

and have some cake.

I'll take care of him,

Mrs. Pendrake.

Thank you very much,

I'm sure, Mr. Kane.

That soda shop was something.

Especially that

elephant-head spigot.

I was playing with it,

and enjoying myself,

then, all of a sudden,

an awful feeling

run through me.

Where had that fellow gone to?

Don't...

No, don't...

Oh, yeah...

No, don't!

You beast...

Do-Don't...

Pagan beast! Oh!

Help!

Oh, oh, you devil!

You filthy, dirty devil!

Heathen!

Yes! No!

Ye... Ye... Ye...

Oh! Yeah, yeah...

Yeah, yeah...

No... Help!

Help! Help! I'm dying...

She was calling him a devil

and moaning for help,

but I didn't get no idea

she wanted to be rescued.

That was the end

of my religion period.

I ain't sung a hymn

in 104 years.

After starving awhile,

I took up with a swindler.

Name of

Allardyce T. Meriweather.

After Mrs. Pendrake,

his honesty was

downright refreshing.

At no cost to you,

it is my mission

to pass on to you

Dead Man's Potion...

Meriweather was one of the

smartest men I ever knowed.

But he tended

to lose parts of himself.

When I joined him,

his left hand and his left ear

were already gone.

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