Little Big Man Page #3

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...might be able

to see a miracle,

one I have witnessed

many times before.

The power of this

elixir has been proven

to reverse men's ills...

It'll cure your sores and...

During my years with

Meriweather,

he lost an eye as a result

of a fifth ace

dropping out of his sleeve

in a poker game.

It didn't faze him, though.

Deception was his life's blood,

even if it caused him

to get whittled down

kind of gradual-like.

Thank you.

You're improving, Jack.

You just can't seem to get rid

of that streak of honesty

in you.

The one that ruined you was

that damned Indian, old Tepee.

You mean Old Lodge Skins.

He gave you a vision

of moral order in the universe,

and there isn't any.

Those stars twinkle

in a void, there, boy,

and the two-legged creature

schemes and dreams beneath them,

all in vain.

All in vain, Jack.

You hear anything?

Listen to me!

Two-legged creature

will believe anything,

and the more preposterous,

the better.

Whales speak French

at the bottom of the sea.

The horses of Arabia

have silver wings.

Pygmies mate with elephants

in darkest Africa.

I have sold

all those propositions.

Or maybe we're all fools,

and none of it matters.

Ah.

You stay

with Allardyce Meriweather,

and you'll wear silk.

But I don't know as

I want to wear silk.

My dear boy, what else

can a man of parts wear

than silk?

Tar and feathers,

I reckon!

All right.

Sit right there.

Don't make no moves

unless you want a little

daylight in your liver.

What, may I ask, brings you out

into the wilds

at this hour, sir?

- Is them the ones?

- That's them.

I see'd this young 'un

somewhere before.

I never been in this country.

You look mighty familiar, bub.

Oh! Sir!

What's you got in there?

Lye?

Well, sir, now you can hardly

expect me

to reveal its constituents.

Sir, please, you're... you know

you're-you're wasting

precious medicine.

Seven folks are half dead

because of this

precious medicine.

What's in it?

Why, nothing harmful,

I assure you.

What?!

Mostly water.

Whiskey, a little pepper,

oil of cloves, um, um...

...ginger root...

Whew!

Ugh, what's that?

What's what?

Oh, that.

It's a dozen snake heads

to give it strength.

All right, boys!

Let's burn them feathers.

Yee-ha!

Got caught, Jack, that's all.

Life contains a particle

of risk.

Mr. Meriweather, you don't know

when you're licked.

Licked?

I'm not licked.

I'm tarred and feathered,

that's all.

All right, boys.

I reckon

they've been run enough.

I know I see'd you somewhere.

What's your name, son?

Jack Crabb.

Lord above!

I've tarred

and feathered my own brother!

It's wonderful, Jack.

I can give you something

you never had before.

And something

I never had before neither.

A real...

family life.

Yeah.

You are back in the bosom

of your family, Jack.

Okay,

now you.

Caroline, I mean, I don't...

I don't know anything

about guns.

I mean,

I never even carried none.

Oh,

Lord, what kind of upbringing

did them Injuns give you?

Never carried no gun?

Why, a man ain't complete

without a gun.

Go snake-eyed.

Do what?

Like this...

Like this!

All right.

Now, draw and shoot

that bottle,

before you touch the gun.

But Caroline, how can

I draw and shoot the gun

before I touch it?

Concentrate. Try it.

Oh!

Hot damn!

Yeah.

Caroline was right.

It is possible to shoot a gun

before you touch it.

Of course,

it takes lightning reflexes,

and considerable

snake-eyed concentration.

Throw up three.

Why, Hickok hisself

can't hit three.

Throw up three.

Natural born gunfighter.

So it was

I entered my gunfighter period.

You're crowding me.

Oh, Kid... I didn't

s- see you; I'm sorry.

It's stupid of me

to take up all the room.

I was just talking here.

Set me up with a sody-pop.

Yes, sir.

Right away, Kid.

The Soda Pop Kid,

that's what they called me.

Sody-pop, he wants.

Anything wrong with that,

stranger?

Oh, not a thing, friend.

In fact, I admire

the style of it.

Might I ask

who I are addressing?

I'm Wild Bill Hickok.

Well, I'm...

I'm pleased to meet you,

I'm sure.

The pleasure's mutual, friend.

Bring your soda pop over here

and sit for a while.

I can break three bottles

throwed in the air.

That's shootin'.

How many men have you...

gunned down?

I don't rightly recollect.

How many have you?

Oh, about...

two dozen.

Is that a fact?

No, it wasn't a fact at all.

During my gunfighter period,

I was an awful liar.

I wouldn't have estimated

your total that high.

No offense intended, old Hoss,

but you don't have the look

of murder in your eye.

Like, for example,

that buzzard over there.

Him?

Well, he's just a common drunk.

What you so nervous about?

Gettin' shot.

I got a full house!

I got a...

I got a full house.

Now you got me doing it.

Sorry.

Hold the fort a while,

old horse,

while I get another bottle.

Did you know the man, Bill?

Never saw the gent before.

Mr. Hickok,

that man is really dead.

Got him through the lungs

and heart both.

Selling your gunfighter outfit.

Turning in

your gun.

Well, I'm sorry, Caroline...

There ain't nothin'

in this world more useless

than a gunfighter

who can't shoot people.

Men!

Hyah-ha!

There went the bosom

of my family.

Having tried religion,

the snake oil business,

and gunfightin', without

no great amount of success,

I took me a partner,

become a respectable

storekeeper,

and married Olga,

a Swedish girl who couldn't

hardly speak no English.

Preserve the moment.

Yes.

Olga, shall I carry you

over the threshold?

Ja.

It-it... it's a custom.

Ja.

Well, it ain't much now, Olga,

but me and my partner,

we got... we got big plans.

Free enterprise

and honest sweat.

Ja. Ja.

I don't understand

this bill of lading.

It looks like

I'm being charged twice

for the same goods.

Ja, the bills of the store.

It must be

a bookkeeping error.

Honest Jack Applebaum

wouldn't do that to me.

Ja, enough the bills.

Come and get some rest.

I must be making the mistake.

Ja!

The rest. The body.

You needs it.

Yeah.

Maybe I do.

Rest!

Olga... Olga, come on.

We'll get out of this

somehow.

One little thing about

my new business partner...

he was a thief.

...25 cents for this

musical instrument.

This glorious

musical instrument

this glorious musical instrument

that I present to you now.

I want you to take a look

at this beautiful

musical instrument.

Who will take this beautiful

instrument? Who will take it?

That is a pathetic scene.

Yes, sir.

A ruined and desolate family

wiped out

by economic misfortune.

- I find it touching.

- Yes, sir.

I'll never forget

the first time I set eyes

on General

George Armstrong Custer.

Ruined! That what we is, Jack!

Ruined!

Do you have another trade,

my good man?

Well, General, I...

not exactly.

Then take my advice: Go west.

West! Oh! Oh!

My wife, she... she's

awful scared of Indians.

My dear woman,

you have nothing to fear

from the Indians;

I give you

my personal guarantee.

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