Little Fauss and Big Halsy

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1

(wind blowing)

(distant motorcycle engine)

(''Little Fauss and Big

Halsy'' by Johnny Cash)

Little Fauss

And Big Halsy

Men and their machine

Motorbike racing was the game

Always pushing off for one more win

It takes nerves to take that curve

Nerves of steel climbing that hill

Twistin' that grip

Hey, Little Fauss

And Big Halsy

Tomorrow's just another day

Another day to race away

One more win

That's all we gotta do

It takes guts when the going gets rough

You gotta be tough

Give it your best

Facing that death

(cheering)

(bike engines)

(screaming)

(bike engines)

- Don't worry about it.

Everything's gonna be all right.

I'm gonna take the wife and...

(background screaming)

Where's his wife?

Aria!

(screaming)

Don't worry about it, girl.

(wailing siren)

- Was he hurt pretty bad?

- I don't know.

Somebody said he broke his back.

- My, how'd he do that?

- Cycles is a mean toy, lady.

- [Voiceover] Wait a minute, who's that?

Get that man off the course out there.

Hey Ray, get that guy off the course.

There's no walkin' on the course.

Everybody stay back

until the races are over.

(muffled radio announcement)

- Is this supposed to be supper?

(motorbike engines)

(teeth brushing)

- You just taking pictures

for yourself or what?

I'll tell you who you

ought to get a picture of.

(kissing sounds)

- Damn, dumb thing's jammed.

- You let Little look at it!

If it's broke, he'll fix it good.

Comes to anything mechanical,

Little's all but hear me.

- Get these things on that bike.

Get off the track now, move it.

Come on, let's get going there, hurry up.

Move it!

(motorbike engines)

- [Voiceover] We're gonna come

back in a couple more weeks.

- You did good, Little.

That was good, son.

- Oh, the buzzer's gone and got ya.

- Did you see me waving?

- I was going as fast as I

ever went in my whole life

and then I fell off.

- Well, you go too fast.

You stay on, you win.

That's how you win.

You gotta stay on.

- What's that? Movies?

- Come on, now. Hurry!

- Aw, ma, don't bother that fella.

- I told him we'd pay him

if it turns out any good.

- Just me and my bike?

- (chuckles) Sure, Little.

Hey, what do you think of my boy anyways

that sleeps in his room

with his own motorcycle.

- Just one for the mantel.

That's all I want.

We haven't got a single picture

on the whole mantlepiece, Seal.

- Hey, is that one of

them instant machines?

- I'll get your address.

All right now, now hold it.

Stay loose as a goose.

That's it, that's it. Relax, relax.

That's it, hold it.

- Life's too short, Donnie.

- (chuckles) Someone's had herself a brew.

- Goes by too damn fast.

- Yeah.

- Keep it there, keep it there.

Now let's see that great big smile.

Hold it, hold it, that's it.

You got it.

Oh, that's perfect. That's beautiful.

That's lovely.

I like it.

- Give the man our address, dopey.

- I can get it off your facility.

- Oh, no, no, I insist.

Here, you take one of my business cards.

- I told him the day he

starts bringing his work home

is the day I move out.

- Now you can laugh at

me if ya'll want to,

but it's a fact I ain't had a stool

since I've been in portable potties.

That's a fact.

I want, no, I want you to read that, see.

Portable potties.

P.P.

P.P. (laughs) You get that?

Mom thought of that one.

- I did not, Seally Fauss (laughs).

- I was going as fast as I ever went

in my whole entire life.

- Yeah, but you fell off.

- Yeah, I fell off.

- Try and stay on, son.

Try.

(spluttering car engine)

- Oh, come on.

Damn!

- Careful now, Little.

You don't wanna put no scratches on 'em.

- Hey, how about you guys

give us a little push, okay?

- We happen to be a little busy.

- Oh, hell, sure, take your time.

- [Seally] Come on now, son.

Push just, just a little further.

Are you pushing any?

- [Little Fauss] Doing the best I can.

- [Seally] These potties,

they seem like they's

more trouble than they's worth.

- [Big Halsy] Me and the

wife come down from Mendoza.

Dang thing cutting out

on me every five minutes.

Now the dang thing won't even start.

My wife's getting hotter than hell.

She's expecting a steak dinner tonight.

I said, ''Honey, you just cool

on down 'cause those folks

''over there's gonna

give us a little push.''

Hey, you got all your beer locked up?

- I don't sell no beer.

- You can go load your bike now.

- Sure like to buy ya'll a beer, damnit.

- Sideburned son of a--

- Now don't get riled, Seally.

- Well, he can just go straight to hell

with his flair for all I care.

- Well, they'll be stranded.

- Well, I ain't giving no

hand to no undesirables.

- Got a cigarette?

- I don't smoke.

- Ah, damn.

Just gave my last cigarette away, damnit.

Just spent my last two bucks

getting here today, damnit.

(spits) Blew my pickup coming on over

and then burned out my bike in the trial

so I didn't win nothing,

then I lost my sponsor

if I'd had any luck, which I didn't have,

so now I don't even have a smoke.

- [Seally] You ready, son?

- This guy wants a push, Dad.

- Hey, just a little shove's

all I need to get her going.

Hey, how about a push?

What the hell?

Come on, hey, I need a push, damnit!

(whistling wind)

- Let's have a nice, big smile.

Come on.

Ice cream!

Oh, that's great.

Hold it.

Hey, that was a number one.

That's really good, you

want to take another one?

- Hey, how about a beer? You want a beer?

- Oh, sure, sure.

- Hey, god damn, I forgot my wallet.

It's in the pickup.

- Oh, well here.

- I'll catch ya.

I'll catch you later.

You remember. Okay.

Give me three beers.

Man, you was really

working out there today.

Cranked around them

corners with the big boys.

- [Voiceover] You race today?

- (laughs) On that dumbass course?

Not me, buddy.

- [Voiceover] Didn't think

I'd seen you out there.

- Hey man, what class you race?

- You'd have seen me, babe,

I'd have had you to the fence.

- What class you race, man?

- Hey, give me three steaks too, huh?

And put it on my tab. My manager's got it.

- [Voiceover] Who in the hell is that?

- That's the cat who got

suspended out of Ascot.

Boozin' it up in the pits, man.

- The ol' bubble for the system.

You.

Oh, damnit!

I forgot your change.

- Oh oh oh, that's all

right, that's all right.

- Hey, where was I at?

- You were gonna tell me

how you broke your spine.

Which is what first caught my eye.

- And to this day I can't sleep in a bed.

- Hell, man, where do

you sleep, on the floor?

- That's right, that's

where. On the floor.

- Must make it pretty on little lady here.

- What?

- I mean, if your husband's

sleeping on the floor all night.

What I mean is that (chuckles)

must be pretty hard on you.

- Him?

- Well, it would on me.

- I haven't seen the floor since

I met him, much less a bed.

The whole two weeks we've been in love.

- We've been sleeping in the car.

- Oh, then you two aren't married then.

- No, this is my buddy,

this is my bosom-buddy.

Aren't ya, honey? Some him your bosoms.

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