Little Fockers Page #2

Okay, will you just,

please, just relax, okay?

Everything is gonna be

all right. Honest.

Oh, I got to go.

Okay.

I'm gonna miss you.

Hey, Mom.

Hello, my precious prince,

how are you, darling?

Good. How's the TV show going?

Oh, great.

You know what this

week's episode is about?

Using the latest sexual toys

to spice up your love life.

Really?

Yeah.

As an early Hanukkah present,

I'm gonna

send you and Pam a box

of these musical condoms.

Don't do that.

You got to hear this, honey.

There's a little

speaker inside.

And the faster you go,

the louder it gets.

You know what?

Mom, Pam and I are fine.

We don't need musical condoms.

Honey, every couple can use

a little stimulation.

Oh, by the way,

interesting episode last week.

Which one? "Masturbation

Through The Ages"?

I thought we agreed

you weren't gonna

talk about me

on the air anymore.

Please, it was just

a little anecdote about

carpal tunnel syndrome

from excessive

self-pleasuring.

I have to connect

your father now, okay?

We need to

tell you something.

Ooh.

Hi! Gay? Roz?

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

Gaylord?

Dad?

Can you hear me?

Where are you?

You won't believe it.

I'm in Seville, Spain.

Where... What are

you doing in Spain?

I'm studying.

Sweetheart,

your father decided that

he's not gonna make

it to the twins' party.

What?

Gay, you remember

when your mother's show

hit number one

in the ratings

and she signed on

for a second year?

I looked in the mirror

and I said, "Who am I?"

Then I see this

clip on the YouTube

and there is a Spanish guy

and he's dancing the flamenco.

And the sweat is

pouring off of his face

and there is such

passion in his eyes

and I said, "That's it!"

That's what?

That's me. I am flamenco!

I will master this art.

Dad, this is crazy.

What are you doing?

You're in Spain?

You're gonna miss the party?

You picked a hell of a time

to go through man-opause.

Roz, I am not going

through man-opause,

I'm just trying to find

my true north.

True north, huh?

What are you,

a compass or something?

No, but let's face it.

I'm a stay-at-home dad

whose kid hasn't lived

at home in 25 years.

There's an Arthur Murray

studio right here

in Miami Beach.

Why schlep

all the way to Spain?

I can't believe you, Roz.

Why can't you

support my dreams

the way I have

always supported yours?

Guys, guys...

When you

wanted to try

new sex positions

for your research,

I was your guinea pig!

You volunteered.

I pulled

my hamstring...

Hey! Hey!

...doing a reverse cowgirl!

That's because

you did it backwards.

I never went soft on you.

Bernie, do you hear

how you're upsetting your son?

Let me talk.

Listen, will you?

That son of a b*tch.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

Hello?

what's your emergency?

Yeah, my name is Jack Byrnes.

I live at 28

Cherry Blossom Lane.

I'm going into cardiac arrest.

I need an ambulance

right away.

I'm guessing your average

response time at this hour

is between 12 and 17 minutes.

I need you to do

better than that.

Thank you, goodbye.

Stay calm, Mr. Jinx.

I'm going to

defibrillate myself.

Clear!

Seriously, though,

my dad, he always

sounds a little crazy,

but this was like

a whole different level.

No, I mean they were

really going at it.

Really?

She accused him of

going through man-opause.

Is that a real thing?

Your parents have

the best marriage

of anyone I know.

They will be fine.

Yeah, I guess so.

You were talking

about the kids.

Really, their teacher

suggested private school?

Yeah, she said

she was concerned

about them "getting lost"

in the public school

system or something.

What's the name

of this place?

The Early Human School.

I have absolutely

heard of that place.

Sounds like a school

for Neanderthals.

No, it's actually considered

the Harvard of kindergartens.

Mmm. Well, I think

Harvard's cheaper.

I'll go see who that is.

Hey, greetings

from the Black Sea.

You look terrific.

Hi, stranger, thanks.

What are you doing there?

Listen, Pam.

Is there any way

I could speak to Greg?

I want to get his advice

on something,

believe it or not.

Sure, absolutely. Hey, Greg?

Yeah.

Greg, honey,

it's your buddy, Kevin.

Hold on.

Thank you.

Hey.

Hey.

How you doing, man?

I was just doing

a little sailing

and living the dream,

G-Diggity-Dog.

Cheers!

Kevin.

Hey.

You need a refill on that

goji berry smoothie?

You read my mind.

Fill her up, Pak-Man.

Greg, you know

Deepak Chopra, right?

I know of him.

Hi, Greg.

Hi, Mr. Chopra.

Dr. Chopra.

Get out of here,

you rascal.

So, listen, the reason

why I'm calling is

because next week...

Kevin, who do

you Skype with?

I am just talking

to my friend, Greg Focker.

Hey.

- Come here.

Hey, honey,

what'd you do with

Henry's Lactaid?

Oh, crap, I forgot. Sorry.

Well, okay.

But did you call

the face-paint lady?

No, I'm sorry.

I had, like,

Honey, I asked you

to do two things,

that's all I asked.

I know. Sorry, babe.

Okay, so here's the dealio.

I'm going to propose

to Svetlana.

You're gonna propose?

That's incredible.

I'm gonna have three Russian

MiG fighter jets fly by

and skywrite

"Marry me, Svetlana."

And then I'm gonna hide

a 50-carat super-tasteful

diamond ring

in this tin of

extremely rare beluga.

Then we will

finish the night

with a special performance

that I choreographed

with members of

the Bolshoi Ballet,

dedicated to our love.

Thoughts?

Honestly, I'm thinking

maybe it's a little

too involved.

Yeah?

I mean, with Pam,

my whole thing was just

keep it simple,

speak from the heart.

Keep it simple

and speak from the heart.

I like it, hombre.

You know what?

I'd better call off some

Russian MiG fighter jets.

And, hey, by the time

I get to Chi-town,

this old dog here

could be an engaged man.

Hey, Kevin?

Yeah.

The jet skis are ready!

The jet skis are ready?

Well, fire 'em up for me.

Okay.

I'll be right there.

Jet-skiing monks.

Wow, I cannot believe

that Kevin is

finally settling down.

Well, I think

he's found a soul mate.

Yeah?

Hey, you're gonna

eat some of this.

She seemed nice.

Yeah. I am very happy

for Kevin.

I love him,

especially when he's

not obsessed with you.

Oh, come on.

You're being ridiculous.

Oh, you got it?

Hey, sweetheart,

will you please

take a bite of

the lasagna, honey?

No. Uh-uh.

Do you not like it?

Hey, what's the good word,

Grandpa Jack?

Yay!

Greg.

This is Jack Byrnes.

Yeah, I know.

I could tell

from the caller ID.

How are you doing?

Greg, excuse yourself

from the table by saying

these exact words,

"I don't know

if I still have it,

but let me check my files."

What?

If Pam asks you what I want,

tell her that I

asked you to locate

your birth certificate

for my genealogical work.

Just do it.

I don't know

if I have that, Jack,

but let me check my files.

Files? You have files?

Yes, yeah, I do.

I keep files.

He wants me to get

my birth certificate

for that family tree thing

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