Little Fockers Page #3

he's doing.

Jack? Everything okay?

Everything is fine, Greg,

I suffered a minor

heart attack,

but I was able to

defibrillate myself

before going into

fatal cardiac arrest.

Jesus!

You defibrillated yourself?

The doctor said

I was a lucky man

and I've just

got to watch my diet

and keep my stress level down.

Wow, okay, so I guess

you guys aren't gonna be

able to come to

the twins' birthday party.

No, Dina and I

will be there

as planned, Greg.

And I was able to keep this

on a need-to-know basis.

And right now,

you're the only person

who needs to know.

Well, come on, Jack.

I mean, I think

Dina needs to know.

Greg, stop talking and listen.

Okay.

Now, my genealogical

research has allowed me

to track the Byrnes family

as far back as 1643.

Now, I wouldn't be

able to do that, say,

to your family,

what with all

the wandering peddlers

and nameless peasants.

Mmm-hmm.

But, as long as there

have been Byrneses,

there's always

been a patriarch

to lead our family through

good times and bad.

And I've finally

come to the realization

that the next in line

to the throne, Greg,

is you.

Me.

Yes, you, Greg.

Well...

So my question is this,

in the event of my demise,

are you prepared

to lead this family?

You know, Jack,

we're right

in the middle of dinner.

Maybe we could talk

about this, you know,

when you come into town.

If I go down, Greg,

I need to know someone

will be responsible

for the whole Byrnes clan.

So I ask you, Greg,

are you prepared to be

the Godfocker?

The Godfocker?

The Godfocker.

Well, that is a very powerful

turn of phrase, Jack.

And when you say Godfocker,

I mean...

I mean, I think

I know what you mean,

but I'm just...

What exactly does that mean?

It's an attitude, Greg.

It's a confidence.

It's the way

you carry yourself

that lets the world

know that the buck

stops with you.

Yeah, I hear you. Mmm-hmm.

None of this can be achieved

without the basics.

A secure home for your family,

a top-notch education

for your children...

Okay.

...and last but not least,

having your financial

house in order, Greg.

Is that it?

Are you laughing?

Yeah, no, I'm just...

I was making... No.

Because this is no

laughing matter, Greg.

Good, 'cause

I'm not laughing. Okay?

Are you saying

you have what it takes

to be the Godfocker?

Greg?

Yes, Jack.

I have what it takes

to be the Godfocker.

I feel like a great weight

has been lifted

off my shoulders.

And an equally

great weight put onto yours.

I like it.

I like the weight.

I want it.

All right. Need-to-know.

Need-to-know.

Just you and me.

See you in two weeks.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, did you find it?

Find what?

Your birth certificate?

Yes. It was in my files.

Mmm.

You know, I was thinking,

maybe we should

take a look at that

Early Human School.

Great. I'll make

some phone calls

and set up a tour.

Good.

Good.

Samantha.

Henry.

You gonna have your lasagna?

No, thank you.

You know,

your mother worked very hard

making that lasagna for you.

No. It tastes funny.

He said he was feeling

kind of queasy, so...

It's okay.

Henry,

I'm your father

and I'm requesting of you

to eat the lasagna.

Fine.

Good.

Hello.

- Hello?

Greg? This is Jack Byrnes.

Jack Byrnes,

this is Greg Focker.

I know, Greg. I called you.

Dina and I will be there

in approximately 18 seconds.

Eighteen seconds, got it.

Oh, no,

that's yours, honey.

Welcome, in-laws!

Oh, Gregor.

My goodness.

Dina, Dina Bobina,

Banana Fana Fofina.

I'm so happy to see you.

Lovely Dina.

You, too, Gregor.

Hello, Jack.

Greg.

Everything okay, Greg?

Everything's great.

Good.

Unfortunately,

renovations on the house,

not quite where

I'd like them to be.

Well, those things happen.

They do. I mean,

never to me before.

And Sam here has done

very, very well with her

tae kwon do lessons.

She's a... What are you?

A yellow belt now?

Yep.

Yellow belt.

Wow, sweetheart.

Very impressive.

She's lethal.

She is a ninja.

Proud of her.

Now, Henry,

you're going to drink

your milk, aren't you?

You want to hit the same

growth spurt as your sister.

Jack.

I'm just saying, you know,

it's hard to believe

that they're

three minutes apart.

Shh.

Henry, do what

your grandpa says.

Aw, man.

For real.

Good man.

Okay. Who wants some turkey?

I do, right here!

Right here!

Sweetheart, you didn't

have to make a whole

turkey just for us.

Why not?

Actually, Greg did it.

Greg.

Well, I remember

at last year's Thanksgiving,

Jack said he liked

roast turkey so much

and he couldn't

understand why people

only had it once a year.

Excellent memory, Greg.

Plus, it's a wonderfully

lean meat. Healthy.

Good for your heart.

Such a sweetheart.

Grandpa Jack,

can I ask you a question?

You surely can.

How come you're afraid

of lizards?

Henry, that's

a very good question.

And I'll tell you why.

When I was stationed

in the Mekong Delta

during the Vietnam War,

a tiny gecko crawled

into my ear one night

and laid its eggs.

And I had to endure

the torturous probing

of our unit's medic

to remove the lizard larvae

from my ear canal

before they hatched

into my brain.

Jack.

Cool.

Yuck.

Yes, thanks for

sharing that, Dad.

All right,

gobble, gobble, everybody!

It's turkey time!

That looks good.

That's a work of art.

Thank you very much.

Looks great, Greg.

Thank you, Jack.

And to carve it,

I thought we might use

the beautiful

Irish hunting knife

emblazoned with

the Byrnes family crest

that Jack so thoughtfully

brought back for us

from his ancestral homeland.

Look at that, kids.

- Great.

Wow.

Look at that.

See that crest?

That was used

by your ancestors

long time ago,

back in the olden days,

to identify their family.

Daddy, can I ask

you a question?

Absolutely.

He loves history.

Just soaks it up.

Can a girl poop

from her vagina?

No, she cannot.

They're a little

young for genealogy.

Yes.

Just a little off topic there.

Jack. Here you go!

Greg. You're

the turkey carver now.

Thank you. I'm honored.

All right. Let's carve

the roast beast!

Mmm.

Let's see. I think

I'll start right side.

Nice and tender.

So, Greg, how are you

liking your new job?

Well, I'll tell you, Dina,

it's a lot of responsibility

on my plate.

But that's kind of

what I love about it.

I mean, the opportunity

to manage an entire unit,

in a way,

it's kind of like...

Christ!

Sh*t!

Why couldn't you just get him

a warm-blooded animal?

Pressure.

- Mom!

Honey. It's okay,

it's okay, honey.

Hello.

Where is he going?

Are you okay?

Hey, Kevin!

It's Kevin, everybody.

What?

Okay.

You're in Chicago?

Hey. Hey.

Hey, everybody. Hello.

Kevin.

J.B.

Oh! Good to see you.

There he is!

The engaged guy!

How you doing, man?

Oh! What happened

to your pointer?

I had a little incident

with the business end

of a turkey. It's cool.

Where's Svetlana?

Yeah!

Or should I say, the future

Mrs. Kevin Rawley?

She broke up with me.

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