Little Giants

The colossal Kevin O'Shea

goes back to pass.

Sees his little brother Danny downfield.

The rush is on. The ball is in the air.

The crowd is going wild.

Danny catches the ball.

He's at the 10, the 20, the 25.

It looks like he could go all the way.

The O'Shea brothers

are about to win the championship.

Oh, there's a fumble.

Danny got it. Hey, Kevin, wait up.

How many touchdowns you gonna throw me?

I'll bet it's at least 50, maybe 100.

- What time was Mom gonna pick you up?

- She's not picking me up.

She said I could spend

the day with you. Isn't that great?

Yeah. Great.

- Okay, spaces or laces?

- Spaces!

- Come on!

- Go!

- Come on!

- Spaces!

- Laces.

- Laces, daddy-o.

- I'll take Butz.

- Yes. It's over.

- Stein and Rip.

- Yes.

- Pinski.

- Yes.

- McCormick.

- Yeah.

- Ralphy.

- Yes.

- Mouse.

- Yes.

- Moritti.

- Yeah.

All right. Let's play some football.

Hey, Danny, the ball. Give me.

I must be pretty bad

if my own brother won't even pick me.

- Danny, look at it my way.

- I stink and you know it.

You're perfect, and I stink.

That's it. The end.

No, that's not it.

It's just that I'm so good

it makes you look really bad.

- Are you trying to cheer me up?

- Yeah.

- It's not working.

- See, I stink at something too.

Give me the ball.

I'll score a couple touchdowns for you.

We kick off. Stand back, baby.

Hi, Danny.

Hi, Patty.

- Aren't you playing today?

- No, I'm on the injured list.

Hey, Danny...

...see that water tower?

One day our name's

gonna be up there in big letters.

The O'Shea brothers.

We're gonna own this town.

You and me, buddy.

Dig. Dig. Dig. Dig. Come on, people.

Show me something.

Move it! Move it!

Are you kidding, people? It's called sweat.

Show me some. Move. Move.

Come on, gentlemen. Suck it up.

Suck it up!

- Faster.

- Looking good, coach.

- Oh, baby, now we're talking.

- Yeah.

All right. Everybody, back up. Back up.

Give him room. Give him some air.

Nice pop, Icebox.

Thanks, Uncle Kev.

- Is he dead?

- Well, he ain't moving.

- You killed him, Icebox.

- Hey, Rudy, you okay?

Oh, Rudy.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Are you nuts?

It's still good.

You'll never get anywhere treating

your helmet like a lunch box.

- What is that?

- Cheetos.

- Crunchy or puffed?

- Puffed.

Wimp.

Everyone from here over,

go with Coach Butz.

Everyone from here over, come with me.

- Come on!

- Let's find out who's gonna make this team.

- My mom made that!

- Move it.

Set. Go.

Set. Go.

Go.

- Oh, man.

- Next time.

- Fifth one he's booted.

- Hands like frying pans. Set. Go.

Why are you doing this to me, fellas?

I cut your nails, wash you,

put gloves on you when you're cold.

Hey, Hanon, you ever

catch anything? Ever?

Caught a cold yesterday, Murph.

Here, have some.

Gross. Gross. Get off of me, you little dork.

Speed:

The distance gained

divided by the time of travel.

You clowns want to play football,

you gotta move.

Ready.

Come on, Tad. Go, Tad. Come on. Dig.

What is this, a telethon? Ready.

Next.

Eight point five. Excellent, Briggs.

- How did I do?

- I don't know. I don't have a sundial.

Back in line.

Hey, Icebox...

...you look like a boy

and play like a boy.

Do you pee standing up?

No, when she's hot to trot

she's still gotta squat.

- Get off. I can't breathe!

- That's the whole point.

- Becky, let him go.

- I can't breathe.

- Get away. Come on. Get off!

- Let him go.

- Let me go.

- Please, stop.

You're lucky my dad showed up.

- Hi, Danny.

- Hi.

- Hey, guys.

- Hi, Dan.

Hey, guess what, Uncle Dan?

I got the whole headlock thing on tape.

- Here, wanna see?

- No, that's okay. Thanks.

- How's she doing?

- She's the best one out there.

You know...

...today I'm reminded

of what a lucky guy I am.

Lucky to have been born an O'Shea.

Lucky to have been born in this great town.

Lucky to have been blessed

with abilities...

...that allowed me to bring

something back here to Urbania...

...my town.

- Things like:

- Three high school championships.

- Three high school championships.

- A collegiate championship.

- A collegiate title.

- An all-American title.

- An all-American title. And not to mention...

- And not to mention a Heisman Trophy.

...a Heisman Trophy.

Today, I'm even more lucky...

...because there's one more thing

I can bring back to this town:

A Peewee State Championship.

Yeah!

All right. All right.

Now, when you hear your name called...

...I want you to go over to Coach Butz...

...and pick up your jersey.

- Those jerseys are so cool.

- Dibs on Montana's number.

I'm getting Michael Irvin's number,

the big 8-8.

I just want one of those shirts.

- Briggs.

- Yeah!

- Patterson.

- Yes!

- Hoffs.

- Yeah.

- Lewis.

- Yeah.

Bookman.

- Grabelski.

- Grabelski!

- Rivera.

- Rivera!

- Scanlon.

- Scanlon, my man.

- Parkhurst.

- Yes.

- Walker.

- Yeah.

- Lindemann.

- Yeah.

- Beauregard.

- Yeah.

Gibbs.

- Grieson.

- Yes!

And last but not least...

...the backbone of this team...

...Shawn Murphy.

- Yes! I knew it, Becky!

Yes, thank you! I knew it!

Now...

...for the rest of you...

...l'd like to say...

Well, I just...

I'd like to thank you for trying out.

And I want you to remember,

hey, there's always next year.

All right. Go.

Okay.

Well, I think this really sucks.

I guess there's nothing we can learn

from this. Is there?

Never try out for anything again.

- Take her easy, coach.

- Hey, Ross.

Kevin.

- What the hell are you doing?

- I'm putting together a championship team.

Did you see the faces of

the other kids?

Football isn't about faces.

It's about speed, about talent.

I picked the best.

Besides, I only got three weeks.

- I can't waste my time with...

- Losers.

- Butz.

- Who the hell are you, Vince Lombardi?

This is peewee football.

- Every kid should have a chance to play.

- Not on this team.

What about Becky?

She's better than those boys.

I hate to break it to you,

but Icebox is a girl.

If you treat her like a girl,

she'll act like one.

- Don't tell me how to raise my daughter.

- Don't tell me how to pick my squad.

Way to go, Kevin.

You hurt their feelings.

- Danny...

- You hurt their feelings.

You and I both know

those kids can't cut it.

What am I supposed to do, lie to them?

Build up their hopes?

Trust me. It's better this way.

You'll thank me tomorrow.

I knew you'd see it my way.

God bless family, friends...

...flowers, Nickelodeon,

all the little kitties...

...PEZ, Mr. Lorenzo, the school janitor...

His ears are so hairy.

- He's an unfortunate man, Priscilla.

- God bless Daddy's favorite sport, football.

- Amen.

- Amen, baby.

- Amen.

- Dig in.

I still don't understand

why you didn't pick Becky.

- Yes, you do, Karen.

- It's not good enough, Kevin.

She's your niece, and she's one

of the best players out there.

- Yeah, and she can make boys cry.

- Honey, she's a girl.

And girls can run countries...

...they can sit on the Supreme Court,

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