Little Johnny - The Movie

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Today we celebrate the life of a child,

who's antics, have become the inspiration

of joke's that are amongst the popular ever told.

Little Johnny joke's have been embraced

by millions.

And shared by people from countries all

over the World.

What makes these joke's so enduring?

Prehaps it's because he shows the world

through the eyes of a child.

And tells it like...it is

A complete and utter mess

But i bet you didn't know

that Little Johnny joke's are in fact based on...

Well...fact.

And here is a little gem,

weve dragged from the vaults.

That shows Little Johnny's debut on

a short lived television show.

All right then Boys and Girls, i want each of you

to tell me your favourite word,

a word you love and then use

that word in a sentence...Shana

"Butterfly"...it's a beautiful word

and they are my favourite insects.

Yes indeed, indeed they are fabulous

aren't they.

And Roger...your word

"Skylark"

"Skylark"...It's an unusual word, can you put

that in a sentence for our viewers at home

Yes...My Daddy owns a Buick "Skylark" and it's

got a 322 5.3 litre nailhead V8 and...

Excellent, excellent Roger

you certainly know your cars

And next we have...Johnny...Johnny

what word have you got for us today?

"Goin'"

Another unusual word Ladies and

Gentlemen "Goin'"..can you put that in a

sentence Little Johnny

Yeah...

Go 'en get F***ed

Well..Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen

sorry about those technical glitches,

the joys of live television

Ha-Ha-Ha...Well now Hello Lone Ranger

and where is Tonto?

Don't know!!

Well er...So how are you today?

Good

Are you married? Are there

any little Ranger juniors or Rangerettes?

Ha-ha-ha-ha

No

And what's your word? Your favourite word

your word of the day Mr.Ranger

"Smee"

"Smee"..."Smee" another unusual word, can you

put that in a sentence for me Mr.Ranger Sir?

Yeah.."Smee" again...

So you can all go and get F***ed!!!

Why you little.....

Of course Little Johnny wasn't always like that

He was just a regular kid,

born in to a regular family

By regular...I mean they

weren't particularly well off

Weren't famous, went to church every Sunday

And ate Dinner at the Dinner Table

His father..Harry, sold foundation garments

to house-wife's looking for support

Whilst his Mother...Isabel, took in

ironing to earn extra money

Harry bought an 8mm camera and began

to film his young family

And thus record a legend

The Legend of Little Johnny

Now it must be said that Little Johnny's use

of prefanity was not a symptom of progressed

Tourettes Syndrome

Nor was it due to Satan, as many

Church going Town's Folk may of thought

It wasn't the fault of his conserative parents

Who dis-allowed even the slightest obsenity

Where he got it from...is any body's guess

This is Little Johnny's Uncle Kevin

and despite his penchant for profanity

He was a well liked decent sort of fellow

And Little Johnny looked up to him

And that's Uncle Kevin's wife..Mavis

She was tough enough to keep him in check

And this is Little Johnny's Cousin Cheryl

She's a dad's worst nightmare

As a family, they treated Little Johnny

as if he was there very own

More toast dear?

Oh i'm fine thanks

- Come on boy's...Breakfast

- Okay

I just don't know what were going to

do with those boys!

- Erm

- It's the constant swearing

We really need to put a stop to it

I'm sorry...your going to have to punish them

Okay..okay...leave it to me

- Good morning Sweetie

- Morning Mum...Dad

What would you like for breakfast Billy?

- F***in' Cornflakes please

- What !!!...That's it young man

You've..Been..Warned..Mister

Ah...Good Morning Johnny...and

what would you, like for Breakfast?

- Well...Not F***in' Cornflakes!!

- What !!!

Oh...Uncle kevin's here

About time mate,

i could feel myself getting old

- Any how...G'day

- Morning Uncle Kevin

Ha-ha..Hey mate you would of

laughed this morning

You know that f***in' cow with the one horn?

Well i was trying to seperate her from

the calf, next thing she's charging at me

I tried to jump the bloody fence, got me

gammy leg stuck in a bucket of feed

Sh*t's going everywhere...

and i ended up face first in....

Everything alright mate?

Yeah okay...i suppose

You sure?

Well, i think Mrs.Rogers is gonna fail

me in arithmetic today

Fail ya!! why?

Well yesterday she asked me, how much

is 2 times 3 and i said 6

Yeah...That's right!!

Then she asked me, how much is 3 times 2?

- What's the f***in' difference?

- Well that's what i said

- See ya Uncle Kevin

- Yeah, see ya little mate

Ah..Mr.Wilson...

Yes....

I have to tell you, that yesterday at snack time,

i offered your nephew Little Johnny a cookie

And he said, "I don't f***ing want one"

Ha-ha-ha...Fair enough!! If he wants

to be like that, don't f***in' give him one

Good Morning Class, Miss Thomas is away

for a couple of weeks and i'm your

substitute Teacher

My name is Miss Prussy

A good way to remember that is to

think of P*ssy...But with an "R"

Good Morning Miss P*ssy

It is my understanding that you have been

studying Geography with Miss Thomas

So today...we will be learning about North America

And what is your name?

- Yes

- Roger...maam

Roger...would you

like to come up and find North America

- Erm...Here it is

- Very good

Now class..who discovered North America?

Little Roger!!

No..Not exactly....

Okay...

Maybe we could take this opportunity

to learn a little about one another

Would anyone like to share a story with us?

Yes... and your name?

Johnny Miss But everyone calls me Little Johnny

What would you like to share with us Little Johnny?

I had a stuttering Cat...

A stuttering Cat!!

- There's no such thing as a stuttering Cat

- Yes there is...

- I had a Kitty Cat that stuttered...

- Really...

Yeah...I was playing with him the other

day and a huge dog jumped the front

fence and attacked us

Oh dear, that must of been very scary

Sure was, my Cat raised his back and went

ffff...ffff...ffff

And before he could say "F***", the Dog ate him

Silence..Please, Please

That is a terrible story, and certainly nothing to laugh about

All right...who's that laughing?

Sorry Miss Prussy

What's so funny Roger?

Well maam...I just saw...one of your suspenders

Well i never....

Get out of my classroom...this instant

i don't want to see you for the rest of the day

a simple statement of fact,

arouses such hostile reaction

- Quickly please...

- Mummy won't be pleased

Who was that?

Name...

Mickey...Mickey Ramone, Miss

hee-hee-hee

And what's so funny?

I just saw...both of your suspenders

hee-hee-hee

What is wrong with you Children?

Get out of my classroom you...horride little boy

I don't want to see you for an entire week!!!

Huh!!!...

And where do you think your going?

Well Miss Crunt...from what i just

saw, i think my school days are over

I didn't fully understand all of it,

you see it was on television

and they were like puppet's...

but real, or was it real but like puppets?

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