Little Murders Page #6

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in the open?

Why does one decide to marry?

Social pressure?

Boredom? Loneliness?

Sexual appeasement?

Love?

I won't put any of these reasons down.

Each in its own way is adequate.

Each is all right.

Last year I married a musician who wanted

to get married in order to stop masturbating.

Please, don't be startled.

I'm not putting him down.

That marriage did not work.

But the man tried.

He is now separated,

still masturbating...

but he is at peace

with himself...

because he tried society's way.

So, you see, it was not a mistake.

It turned out all right.

Now, just last month I married

a novelist to a painter.

Everyone at the wedding ceremony was under

the influence of an hallucinogenic drug.

The drug quickened

our mental responses...

slowed our physical responses...

and the whole ceremony

took two days to perform.

Never have the words had

such meaning.

Now, that marriage should last.

Still, if it does not,

well, that'll be all right.

For don't you see, any step

that one takes is useful, is positive...

has to be positive

because it's a part of life.

Even the negation of the previously

taken step is positive.

That too is a part of life.

And in this light... and only in this light...

should marriage be viewed

as a small, single step.

If it works, fine.

If it fails, fine.

Look elsewhere for satisfaction.

To more marriages, fine.

As many as one wants. Fine.

To homosexuality? Fine.

To drug addiction?

I will not put it down. Each of these

is an answer for somebody.

For Alfred,

today's answer is Patricia.

For Patricia,

today's answer is Alfred.

I will not put them down for that.

So what I implore you both...

Patricia and Alfred...

to dwell on while I ask you these questions

required by the state of New York to...

legally bind you...

sinister phrase, that...

is that not only are the legal questions

I ask you meaningless...

but so too are the inner questions that

you ask yourselves meaningless.

Feeling one's partner

does not matter.

Sexual disappointment

does not matter.

Nothing can hurt if you do not see it

as being hurtful.

Nothing can destroy if you do not

see it as destructive.

It is all part of life...

part of what we are.

So now, Alfred...

Y"Do you take Patricia to be

your lawfully wedded wife...

to love..."whatever that means...

Y"to honor...

to keep her in sickness, in health,

in prosperity and adversity..."

What nonsense!

"Forsaking all others..."

What a shocking invasion of privacy.

Rephrase that to more sensibly say...

"If you choose to have affairs, then you

won't feel guilty about them."

"As long as you both shall live..."

Or as long as you're not

tired of one another.

- Yeah.

- And, Patsy...

Y"Do you take Alfred to be

your lawfully wedded husband, to love..."

That harmful word again. Could not one

more wisely say..."communicate"?

"To honor..." I suppose by that it means you

won't cut his balls off, but some men like that.

Y"To obey..."

Well, my first glance at you told me

you were not the type to obey.

So I went to my thesaurus, and I came back

with these alternatives.

"To show devotion, to be loyal...

to show fealty, to answer the helm,

to be pliant."

General enough, I think, and still leave

plenty of room to dominate.

"In sickness, in health..." and all the rest

of that gobbledygook...

Y"so long as you both shall live?"

[Grunting Softly]

[Mumbles Quickly]

I do.

Alfred and Patsy...

I know now that whatever you do...

will be all right.

To Patsy's father, Carol Newquist...

I've never heard that name on a man

before, but I'm sure it's all right.

I ask you, sir, feel no guilt...

over the $250 check you gave me

to mention the Deity in the ceremony.

What you have done is all right. It's part

of what you are, part of what we all are.

And I beg you not to be overly perturbed when

I do not mention the Deity in the ceremony.

Betrayal, too, is all right.

It too is part of what we all are.

And to Patsy's brother,

Kenneth Newquist...

with whom I had the pleasure

of a private chat...

I beg you feel no shame.

Homosexuality is all right.

Really it is.

It's perfectly all right.

[Kenny]

Son of a b*tch!

Oh, it's all right.

Really, it's all right.

- [All Yelling]

- Hitting people is all right.

- [Kenny Yelling]

- Police! Police!

It's all right.

It's all part of life.

Police!

Really, it's all right.

Beautiful.

[All Yelling]

Police! Police!

[Kenny]

F*ggot! F*ggot!

- All right.

- F*ggot!

It's all right.

Really, it's all right.

[Ringing]

- What?

- Hi!

Mother's hysterical,

Daddy's collapsed...

and Kenny's disappeared

with my wardrobe!

I hope you're satisfied

with your day's work!

I thought it was a very nice ceremony.

A little hokey...

Alfred! What's gonna become of us

if you go on this way? Weren't you there?

I want to know when and what

in God's name you use for feelings!

- I feel!

- You don't feel!

- Have it your way.

- Ah! There you go again. You won't fight.

But you knew I wouldn't fight

before you married me.

If you don't fight,

you don't feel!

If you don't feel,

you don't love!

- I don't know what love is.

- [Frustrated Groan]

[Phone Ringing]

- [Heavy Breathing]

- [Screams]

[Sighs]

- And where were you going?

- I thought it was over.

I'm glad you're back, Patsy.

Oh! Kissing you

is like kissing white bread.

What is it with you, Alfred?

I've never had a man do this to me before.

It isn't just pain you don't feel.

You don't feel pleasure.

- I do feel pleasure.

- About what?

- A lot of things.

- Name one.

- My work.

- Oh, name another.

- Sleeping.

- Work and sleeping. Oh, that's just great.

- What about sex?

- Makes you sleep better.

Alfred! Do you mean

half the things you say?

You must feel something.

Alfred.

Jesus Christ!

- Alfred, why did you marry me?

- You're comfortable.

I am not comfortable!

If you knew anything about me, you would

know that I am not comfortable.

- Do you know why I married you?

- I'm comfortable.

I married you because

I wanted to mold you.

I love the man I wanted to mold you into,

but you're not even there.

How can I mold you

when you're not there?

Come back here. Alfred.

Honey...

I don't wanna hurt you.

I want to change you.

I want to make you see

that there is some value in life...

that there is some beauty,

some tenderness...

some things worth reacting to,

some things worth feeling.

What do you want out of life?

Just survival?

And to take pictures.

Of sh*t?

It's not enough!

[Groans]

- Here.

- What's that? A summons?

It's a questionnaire. Here.

- I'm sending you to Chicago.

You're gonna see your parents.

- Patsy.

You're gonna ask them these questions...

these questions on this questionnaire.

- What do you mean? Like, was

I a happy or unhappy child?

- That's very good.

- Was I breast-fed or bottle-fed?

- Oh, excellent.

- What are you trying to prove?

- You are going to record their

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