Little Nicky

FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBIA - NIGHT

A beautiful late summer night. Crickets chirping, sprinklers

sprinkling.

We PAN across one particular lawn, up one particular tree,

where we see THE PEEPER (Jon Lovitz) sitting on a limb. He

has a bottle of wine, some sandwiches, a Walkman. Suddenly

the lights turn on.

PEEPER:

(whispering)

Showtime!

We see a young mother walk into the room outside the Peeper's

window. She is wearing business attire.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Rough day at the office Mrs. Dunleavy?

(takes bite of sandwich)

Well you'll feel better once you slip

off those work clothes and get into some

sweats.

The mother sits on the bed and pulls off her shoes, rubbing

her feet.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Oh my G-D, yes! I wish you would let me

rub those feet. Of course I wouldn't

use my hands. Heh heh heh heh...

He sips some wine.

The mother starts to unbutton her blouse. She takes it off,

revealing a nice bra.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Looks like Victoria just told me her

secret.

The peeper frantically writes in a dirty notebook. Mouthing

the words as he goes.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Thursday the ninth, eight-thirty p.m.,

first brassiere sighting...

(stops writing)

I will pleasure myself to this image for

months. MONTHS I TELL YOU!

The mother starts to unbutton her pants. Her young son walks

in wearing a scouts uniform.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Young Scottie Dunleavy. What

unfortunate timing. You mother was just

getting comfy.

The son talks to his mother excitedly.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Yes, yes, I'm sure you tied many great

knots today or whatever. Now get out.

The son, not going anywhere, sits in a chair.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Now what. This simply won't do.

The peeper takes out a cell phone and dials. The son

answers.

SCOTTIE:

Hello?

PEEPER:

Hello, Scottie. Why don't you go

downstairs like a good boy and let your

mother freshen up.

SCOTTIE:

Who is this?

PEEPER:

Just a little birdie. A birdie who

wants to see if your mother's panties

match her bra.

MOTHER:

Oh my G-D Scottie. Is there a man up

our tree?

The peeper gets nervous.

PEEPER:

Tell her no. Tell her it's just a big

bird.

The peeper starts flapping his arms and making bird noises.

We SEE Scottie with his sling shot. The mother nods yes. He

shoots it. It hits the peeper square in the head. He falls

to the ground with a thud.

PEEPER (CONT'D)

Mrs. Dunleavy, please come help me. And

wear your bikini.

The peeper looks up. He sees Scottie pushing a television

out the window. It lands on top of the peeper. He's dead.

HARD CUT:

INT. HOLE - DAY

The peeper is zooming down a hole, walls of dirt racing by on

all sides.

The peeper is falling down, down, down. The whole way

screaming like a five-year old girl.

PEEPER'S POV

We see the tunnel turn into more of a slide now and the

peeper races towards the opening which is lit by fire. He

SCREAMS.

EXT. FIRE GATES OF HELL

We see the GATE/WALL OF FLAMES. We hear screaming. Wham!

We see the peeper come flying through the flames and land in

a heap in a shallow pit of coals.

Dazed, he stands and we see other people shooting through the

fire wall at different levels. (NOTE: All the arrivals

clothes are now burned & shredded).

GATEKEEPER (O.S.)

Welcome!

The peeper looks left to see the GATEKEEPER standing at his

station greeting the new SOULS with mock cheer.

PEEPER:

Am I in hell?

GATEKEEPER:

What do you think?

A GIANT BIRD appears and bites the peeper's crotch area. We

leave the peeper in the pit and tilt up to...

MATTE PAINTING HELL

MUSIC UP:
"RUNNING WITH THE DEVIL" BY VAN HALEN

The VAST and insane kingdom of Hell. A road leads toward it

like the yellow brick road only with fire and coals. We see

the black castle in the distance. The camera zooms into the

castle, to one particular window.

INT. NICKY'S ROOM - DAY

Looks like an American teenager's room - models, a dresser,

heavy metal posters (tons of OZZY stuff) everywhere (but no

bed - Devils don't sleep). Nicky is air guitaring to the

song. Over at the stereo, we see the cassette playing titled

"NICKY'S MONSTER METAL MIX."

The head demon, JIMMY THE DEMON, opens the door, scaring

NICKY who falls backward into the table, breaking it.

NICKY:

(embarrassed)

Hey...

JIMMY THE DEMON:

Your father wants to see you and your

brothers in the throne room.

NICKY:

Okay, but Jimmy, when the house is

rockin', don't forget the knockin'!

INT. BLACK PALACE THRONE ROOM - DAY

ADRIAN and CASSIUS are playing darts. They're aiming for

people's faces that are coming through the wall.

CASSIUS:

I knew it. He's finally retiring.

ADRIAN:

I've been waiting on this day for ten

thousand years.

He throws a dart that hits one of the heads in the forehead.

HUMAN DARTBOARD:

Aaaah!

CASSIUS:

If the old man picks me to take over

Hell, I'll keep the torture going twenty

four seven. No breaks.

ADRIAN:

Well Dad says it's the breaks that make

the torture. You have to let people

feel a sense of relief.

Cassius whips a dart which hits one of the HUMAN DARTBOARDS

in the eye.

HUMAN DARTBOARD:

Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

ADRIAN:

Then again, the beauty of Dad retiring

is what he says doesn't matter anymore.

Cassius pulls out the dart. The eye comes with it.

CASSIUS:

I'll take that.

Cassius throws the eye on the ground and stomps it. THWACK!

It splatters like a grape.

HUMAN DARTBOARD:

Was that really necessary?

Nicky enters sheepishly.

CASSIUS:

Hey, how's Daddy's little girl doing

today?

NICKY:

Good, thanks.

Cassius snaps his fingers in Nicky's face.

CASSIUS:

Hey. Hey. Hey. Wanna mind wrestle?

Cassius' eyes start glowing red.

NICKY:

Actually, I'll take a rain check on0

Nicky is slammed into a nearby desk as if by an invisible

force.

CASSIUS:

Got ya!

NICKY:

(picking up his head)

Yes, you got me...

Nicky's head slams back down again.

CASSIUS:

Got ya, again!

NICKY:

(picking head up)

Got me for sure, yes...

He grabs a lamp off the desk and cracks himself over the

head.

CASSIUS:

Got ya! Now here's the big finish...

Nicky frowns as he finds his own right hand heading for his

own crotch.

NICKY:

Oh no. Please Cassius...

Nicky's hand is being possessed. It gets closer and closer

until it latches on to Nicky's crotch.

NICKY (CONT'D)

Aaaaah.

Cassius concentrates even harder, making Nicky twist his own

hand. Nicky screams even louder. Adrian smiles. They don't

notice that DAD, wearing a sweatsuit (and with very small

devil horns), enters behind them.

DAD:

What are you boys doing?

Cassius releases Nicky's hand.

NICKY:

Nothing, Dad. Just re-arranging the

furniture.

DAD:

Cassius, didn't I tell you to stay out

of your brother's mind?

CASSIUS:

I forgot.

DAD:

Maybe this will help you remember.

Dad's eyes flash red and Cassius punches himself hard in the

nose, sending him back against the wall and down to the

floor.

Dad gives Nicky a wink. Nicky smiles. Dad has an air of

confidence and power.

DAD (CONT'D)

Now everybody sit down.

NICKY:

Hey, Dad, I'm almost finished laying

down my monsters of metal compilation

tape. I really think it's a

masterpiece.

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