Little Nicky Page #10

They float high above the Meadowlands. There is an outdoor

concert going on. OZZFEST.

We hear the Ozz on stage in his encore. He is singing "Mr.

Crowley." Nicky turns to Valerie.

NICKY:

I never thought I'd ever see Ozzy live

until he was dead.

(he looks at her)

Please tell me you like metal.

VALERIE:

(sings along to song)

"Mister Crowley, what's inside of your

head..."

Nicky's jaw drops as he stares at her.

NICKY:

My dog was right. I'm in love with you.

They slow dance tighter. The music swells. John and Peter

look up from their seats far below. Nicky sees them while

he's holding her tight. They give thumbs up.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CITY STREET - MORNING

Feeling great. Spring in his step, we see Nicky walking down

the street.

He stops and smells some flowers at a Korean Tommet. The

KOREANS point and seem agitated by him. Nicky gives them a

friendly wave.

NICKY:

(in Korean)

Moo ya san jie bay!

The Koreans just glare. Nicky's confused.

MUSIC CUE:

A dissonant, nervous score accompanies the rest of the

sequence.

EXT. STREET - DAY

A NUT VENDOR leaves his cart and starts following. Nicky

looks back a little, unnerved. A TAXI screeches in front of

him. The DRIVER gets out and goes after him.

EXT. STREET - DAY

A group of school girls in uniform break loose from their

teacher and start chasing Nicky.

EXT. BROWNSTONE STOOP - DAY

A gigantically fat guy sees Nicky run by. He thinks about

going after him but decides not to and takes a big bite of a

candy bar instead.

EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY

Ten guys playing wheelchair basketball see Nicky. They point

and start wheeling after him.

EXT. HILLY STREET - DAY

Nicky is putting some distance between him and the mob.

NICKY:

What's going on here?

But when he heads downhill, the GUYS IN WHEELCHAIRS start to

catch up. They get closer and closer until... Nicky makes a

last second right turn into an alley. The wheelchairs can't

slow down and crash into a double decker tourist BUS at the

bottom of the street. The TOURIST on the top level look over

the edge to see the crash.

EXT. ALLEY - DAY

Nicky is panicking, out of breath. A BUM (RADIOMAN) rises up

out of his cardboard box. The bum raises his bottle and

thunks Nicky on the head. It doesn't break.

NICKY:

Ow...what was that for?

BUM:

Fifty million dollars.

The bum holds up a NEW YORK POST. It reads "MONSTER WANTED!"

And has a picture of Nicky. Nicky is shocked.

Nicky turns to run out of the alley, but the mob is there

blocking the entrance. He's trapped. They start running

right at him. He closes his eyes.

NICKY:

Release the evil.

Nicky's body splits into about five-hundred horrifying

insects, all with a miniature NICKY HEAD.

The Nickysects run right at the crowd, and the crows

immediately starts running the other way, completely freaked

out.

INT. TODD'S APARTMENT - DAY

Beefy and Todd are watching TV. They look over to see the

insects scurry under the front door and morph back into one

exhausted Nicky.

NICKY:

I seem to be in trouble, Beefy.

BEEFY:

The sh*t has hit the fan, kid. Take a

look.

TODD:

Been breaking all morning.

ON THE TV - DAY

We see Dan Rather addressing the camera.

DAN RATHER:

At a news conference earlier today,

Chief of Police Andy Shaifer gave this

beleaguered city its latest dose of bad

news. He revealed that the man who

caused a sensation at basketball arena

last night is no hero... he is, in fact,

a mass murderer.

We see the chief of police behind a bunch of mics. He's

holding up a picture of Nicky taken at the Basketball arena.

INT. TODD'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Nicky's outraged.

NICKY:

I didn't murder anybody

BEEFY:

Look. You were really high. Things

happen.

NICKY:

I was with Valerie, I swear. This is

Adrian's work. I've got to find him.

BEEFY:

I think you're looking at him.

ON THE TV - DAY

We reveal that the chief is standing on a grilled-cheese

press to keep him warm.

CHIEF OF POLICE:

(on TV)

This video shows what he did after he

left the basketball arena yesterday...

ON THE VIDEOTAPE - DAY

Scarface shooting his AK-47. Nicky's face has been crudely

superimposed over his.

GUY:

(Adrian's voice)

My name's Nicky, and I'm gonna kill all

you suckers for no reason!

CUT TO FOOTAGE on "SCARFACE"

ON TV - DAY

The Chief shakes his head.

CHIEF OF POLICE:

Difficult to watch, I know. In response

to this vicious crime, I am authorizing

the largest reward in law enforcement

history:
fifty million dollars to the

person or persons who bring this man to

me.

INT. TODD'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Nicky stands outraged.

NICKY:

This is baloney!

BEEFY:

He superimposed your head onto

"Scarface."

TODD:

...which is by far DePalma's best

work...

A LOUD KNOCKING AT THE DOOR

The pounding increases.

NICKY:

I'm not Nicky. I'm not home! I don't

live here!

PETER:

Dude, it's us. Let us in.

Nicky opens the door. Peter and John stumble in.

JOHN:

There's like a total mob scene coming

this way.

We hear VOICES of an approaching crowd coming outside.

NICKY:

I thought for sure I gave 'em the slip.

Todd i s looking out the window.

TODD:

Looks like they're following a giant

trail of bug sh*t.

PETER:

What'll we do now, Beefy?

BEEFY:

I don't know, this is a little out of my

league.

VOICES GROW LOUDER.

VOICES (O.S.)

Come on. Let's get 'em.

JOHN:

What would your dad do, Nicky?

NICKY:

Good idea...kill me.

PETER:

Dude. Seriously?

NICKY:

Yes. I'll meet you at Grand Central at

noon. Okay. Do me. I command you.

JOHN AND PETER:

(psyched)

Alright!

John takes Nicky's head and slams it hard into the kitchen

counter. Nicky is dazed.

NICKY:

That just hurt a lot.

TODD:

I've always wanted to kill someone. Can

I do it?

JOHN:

Look at Queen Latifah steppin' up.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Nicky is in the bathtub being angrily drowned by Todd. John

and Peter watch happily.

TODD:

Die, Grandma, die!

Nicky's arm comes out with a thumbs up. Pause. The hand

drops back in. He's dead.

INT. THRONE ROOM - LATER

Start on a CLOSE UP of Lucifer. He's holding cards, looking

at his hand.

LUCIFER:

Royal flush, you lose. Off with the

bra.

The Demons and Gatekeeper are sitting around playing strip

poker. The Gatekeeper takes off his bra. From behind, we

see his breasts flop out.

LUCIFER (CONT'D)

Last time I saw a pair of jugs that big,

two hillbillies were blowing on them.

The Gatekeeper throws his hand down and storms out. The

Monster laughs uproariously. Nicky enters and moves to

what's left of his dad. Arms, torso, and a head (with one

ear).

NICKY:

Dad, Adrian's got the whole city after

me. He's always a step ahead. What am

I gonna do?

DAD:

What are you gonna do? Look at me,

Nicky! I got no legs, I got no hips, I

got one ear...

Dad's remaining ear falls out.

DAD (CONT'D)

I got no ears! I can't hear!

JIMMY THE DEMON:

Now he's got no ears! You happy, Nicky?

Your father's got no ears!

NICKY:

Uh, I'll do my best, Dad. Do you have

any advice at all for me?

DAD:

I can't hear you, Nicky. I can't hear

anything!

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