Little Sister Page #4

---

The temporary vows,

and then it is the final vows,

and then you are a nun

forever and ever.

Did I get it?

Oh, my god.

Ooh, you are wasted.

How many of those have I had?

Two and a half.

Last one.

You wanna split it?

Sure.

Is your mom doing okay?

Mmm, who knows?

Not really.

She was acting happy

for a little while,

but it's tough.

Jeez, yeah.

If my kid ran away

after I tried to off myself...

Sorry.

No, it's okay.

Can you see anything

behind those things?

Barely, but yeah.

Why don't you take them off?

It's nighttime, anyway.

Yeah, I'd rather not.

I dare you to take them off.

You don't wanna see it.

It's not...

Maybe I do.

Look, your spit

has touched my mouth.

Mm-hmm.

I think we know

each other well enough, huh?

That's true, yeah.

I can't.

In high school, I wanted

to make out with you so hard.

Now, this little number

we're very, very happy with.

It's mellow but lasts longer.

Perfect for the over-40 crowd.

And, uh, do you have anything

a little stronger?

That... Would be these guys.

Oh.

Terri's little babies.

Mushrooms covered

in Mexican chocolate.

They'll really take you

south of the border.

Lover, you ready?

Yeah, yeah, just a second.

I'll meet you at the car, honey.

I threw up!

Hello?

Guys?

Do you want to roast

some pumpkin seeds?

Hello?

Guys?

Um...

I made a salad for lunch.

Do you want some?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

When do you have to go back?

Tomorrow?

Um, I was thinking

about leaving today actually.

Oh.

Do you think you could stay

maybe one more night?

I have a fun idea.

How fun?

Fun.

Sister Joan of arc,

I try to make it a habit

to raise my voice

only when necessary,

and it is not often

that the occasion

calls for me to raise my voice,

but you are trying my Patience,

and on top of that,

you are still in possession

of my car,

a car which is needed

up here in New York,

in case you forgot.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

She hung up.

And one, two, three, four.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. That's it.

Okay, come on. Oh, yes!

Oh, yes. Here we go.

And one, two, three, four!

Happy family Halloween party!

Whoo!

Thank you.

Awesome.

Bring our family together

for this festive

Halloween night,

and for... For this food

that we are about to receive.

Amen.

Let's eat.

This is awesome,

awesomely done,

I just want to say.

Good.

Just touch it.

Colleen!

Ah ha ha!

Sweet pea.

Everybody having a good time?

Anyone else for seconds?

Um, sweet pea?

It's her last night.

Let her indulge.

You wanna split one?

Sure!

Don't mind if I do.

Mom, how much wine

did you put in that pasta?

Oh, not a lot.

I am such a lightweight.

Wait, doesn't the heat

cook out all the alcohol?

Yeah, you're right.

My fingers are a little tingly.

What did you put

in the cupcakes, mom?

Mom?

Colleen, it's your last night.

I just wanted us to all relax

and have fun, you know,

like a family.

Why would you...

What is wrong with you?

Sweet pea!

Sweet pea, please open up!

Colleen Noel Lunsford,

this isn't funny!

You knew about the key

under the gargoyle?

I always knew

about the gargoyle key.

So, is it okay if I sit down?

Fine.

Am I a bad mom?

That's not a fair question.

Was I a bad mom?

I guess it's not your fault.

It was just a lot.

First Jacob, then you.

I just, I just needed...

Structure.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Do you like being a nun?

Yeah, I do.

Do you ever wish

you could have a boyfriend?

Girlfriend?

I don't think I'll ever want

to do that with anyone.

Hmm. When you were growing up,

your dad and I used to think

you'd become a lesbian satanist.

Sometimes I think

you're sad I'm not.

Colleen, when I was your age,

I thought having a kid

would make me an adult,

that it was going to give me

some kind of purpose,

some sense of direction,

but, um, it didn't, not really.

And neither did

having another one.

And, um, I got older,

and there was

more and more responsibility,

and then

that just never went away,

and it got harder

and harder, and...

And, um...

I found myself

becoming very sad.

And when I was at my saddest,

I just wanted to go to sleep

and not wake up,

just sleep.

And that didn't happen either.

No matter how hard I tried,

I just kept waking up

and waking up and waking up.

And then I tried

something different.

I didn't get that moment,

Colleen,

where everything

was just suddenly okay.

I don't think

those moments exist.

I think all you can do

is keep trying

and hope that somehow trying

can be good enough.

It's good to talk, right?

Can we be friends?

Yeah, mom, we can be friends.

Is it always this fun

to be stoned?

You're expecting a mere handsaw

and a covered wooden casket?

Oh, no.

That's the old-fashioned way

of sawing people in half.

Today, magicians

are mechanized tools,

and nothing will be concealed

from your view!

Ew!

Oh, this isn't scary.

It's just horrible.

Aah!

They're coming to get you,

Barbara!

Stop it.

Shh!

What do we do?

What do we do?

Answer it.

What if it's the cops?

How could it possibly

be the cops?

How could it

possibly not be the cops?

If it's not the cops,

then who is it?

Okay, rock-paper-scissors

for who answers the door.

One, two, three.

Ah! Jacob!

Mom, dad, wake up!

Animal liberations

has taken Jacob!

Close the door!

I'll get my keys.

Come on!

Oh, my gosh, Tricia.

I'm so sorry.

This is all my fault.

None of this would have

happened if i...

I shouldn't have come home.

Honk at them!

Honk louder!

I can't drive and honk

at the same time!

Hurry up!

They're getting away!

Oh, god! What do you think

they're gonna do to him?

I'm trying! I'm trying!

I didn't want him to go away.

I'm sorry for everything

I've ever said or done

that's bad ever.

Tricia, it's okay.

Everybody in the whole world

thinks bad things sometimes.

It's gonna be okay.

Oh, no. That is not good.

What?

Uh, nothing.

Some people need

to be terrorized sometimes.

Watch out! Watch out!

Watch out!

"Oh, Sally,

you left me down the stairs.

I'm coming up them!"

And then a few hours later,

the doll said again,

"Sally, I'm in your room!"

Sally got really, really scared.

She pulled the covers up

and, and put a pillow

on her face.

Then, then the doll said again,

"oh, Sally,

I'm right next to you!"

Then the light

turned on suddenly,

and she saw the doll,

and the doll killed her,

and every single time

the doll kills a person,

she puts up one finger,

and if she runs out of fingers,

she grows more.

And no one knows

where the doll is now.

Tricia.

Yeah, Colleen?

Are you alive?

I think so.

Let's get out of the car.

Okay.

Soldier! Soldier! Soldier!

Soldier! Soldier! Soldier!

Soldier! Soldier!

Soldier!

Soldier! Soldier! Soldier!

Soldier! Soldier!

Soldier!

Shoot, dog, we missed your ass!

Didn't mean

to snatch you up like that

but f-u-n doesn't

take n-o for an answer!

Whoo!

And we got you a little

welcome back surprise, soldier!

Whoo!

There we go!

Welcome home, corporal Lunsford!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes