Living It Up Page #8

Well, you'd better or you'll be in it!

- What do you want us to do, boss?

- Let us pray.

Boy, what a celebration, huh, Steve?

We really made monkeys out of

those specialists, didn't we, Steve?

That's what they get

for paying attention in class

and graduating with high honours.

- Where do we go from here?

- Open up a little office on Park Avenue.

What for?

'Cause I'm the first doctor to discover

a cure for radiation poisoning.

We'll be rich, famous,

never have to go back to Desert Hole.

Oh, boy!

New York will be our hometown!

I love New York

I love New York

All the streets in this city

are one and the same

And I leave it to you

what's in a name?

Oh, the folks who live

on a street like 11th

Are as fine as

the family on 107th

That's Homer Flagg!

I tell you

Every street's a boulevard

in old New York

Every street's a highway of your dreams

It's a thrill to shop on 34th Street

Or down in Union Square

We like the people you meet

on Mulberry Street

Have you ever been there?

Every street's a boulevard

in old New York

So keep smiling

and you'll never wear a frown

Just remember there's the East Side

And the West Side

And Uptown and Down

That's why

we're proud to be a part

of New York town

- 34th Street!

- 34th Street!

- Union Square!

- Union Square!

- Mulberry Street!

- Mulberry Street!

Have you ever been there?

We like the people you meet

on Mulberry Street

Have you ever been there?

Every street's a boulevard

in old New York

Streets are paved with happiness

in old New York

We're glad that we're a part of it

We're happy that we came

Each sidewalk

is a concrete path to fame

Just remember there's the East Side

East Side

And West Side

West Side

And Uptown and Down

In this great, big metropolis

known as New York town!

A toast to Oliver Stone, our absent host!

Yeah, and he'll be very happy to hear

that we learnt to drink this stuff

twice as fast.

He's such a kind man, so generous.

Now, a toast to Dr Stephen Harris,

that's me,

discoverer of a cure

for that dread disease Desert Holeitis.

Yeah.

Who's that?

Probably the Mayo brothers

for a bit of advice.

You better get into bed.

And remember, teeter on the brink.

Don't worry, when I teeter, I teeter, boy!

Come in.

- Wally!

- And how's the little sailor?

Oh, I wouldn't want you to see him

in his present condition.

Oh, that's all right, Doctor.

I've got a strong stomach.

Wally!

Wally!

How are you, Homer?

His head's awfully warm.

The poor kid.

- Sailor.

- Yes, Captain?

I know you ran out on me once

to spare me,

but I was wondering if you could

find it in your heart to marry me now.

I'll be strong.

I think you'd better leave now.

His temperature is rising.

Oh, I'm feeling much better.

This morning I heard a bird sing.

Yeah, I heard the same bird sing,

Homer. Sing Sing.

The fever's coming back.

Oh, open a window. I'm burning up.

98.6. Normal.

That shows you how crazy he is.

He thinks he's normal.

I'm drowning.

- What's this?

- That's his 2:
00 medicine.

No need denying him anything now.

He's teetering on the brink.

- Oh, and he wants to go formal.

- Yeah, he wants to go formal.

That shows you

what condition his brain is in,

doesn't know where he is. Where he is!

Oh, Hong Kong!

And sometimes

he doesn't know what he is.

- This morning he thought he was a dog.

- No!

Oh, not ordinary dog,

but honourable Chinese retriever!

Come on. Come on, boy. Come on.

Come on.

Mama wants to pet you goodbye

for the last time.

That's a nice boy. Nice boy.

- Wally!

- And you keep your hands off of me,

- you singing quack!

- Should I try, "Bombs Away"?

Well, you'd better try something,

because in a couple of hours,

the whole city of New York

is going to be banging at the door,

howling for your blood!

I ain't got enough for everybody.

- Wally.

- Yes?

- How much do you know?

- The works.

The doctors tipped off Oliver.

Oh, that verstunkene Egelhofer should

have stayed in Vienna with his mouse!

They'll boil you in oil in Macy's window!

After you marinate

for a week in Gimbel's!

You got us into this, Wally.

I told you no doctors.

- Oh, let's get out of here!

- Let's pack our clothes and...

Now, come on, wait a minute!

Nobody get hysterical.

I'm in this as deep as you are,

so is the paper.

Now, I've got an idea.

Sit down at that table, you dying swan!

Do what Wally says.

Sit down at the table.

- Now, I want you to write.

- Write.

- Write what?

- Your suicide note.

My suicide note!

Oh, no, there must be another way!

Well, we haven't much time.

Will you sit down

and write what I tell you?

"Dear metropolis of New York..."

- How do you spell "dear"?

- Oh, never mind, I'll do it.

Now, listen carefully.

We're going to go down to the river.

I'll photograph Homer jumping,

the Chronicle will print the picture,

- you'll be waiting below in a rowboat.

- That's great!

Why can't I be in the boat?

You will be,

as soon as we pull you out of the river.

Then, we'll try to figure a way

to sneak you out of town

while all of New York is crying over you.

I may be crying a little myself.

Now, come on, let's go.

Wally!

What happens if he can't find me

after I jump in the river?

- Well, we'll search for you, of course.

- Well, of course.

And if you do go under,

you'll go under happy,

knowing that your last story wasn't a lie!

Well, the first lie wasn't a lie, Wally.

I just wanted to see New York!

Hello.

What?

Well, stop crying and read it to me!

"Dear metropolis of New York,

"I have enjoyed everything.

"Now there's only one thing

left to enjoy, your river."

Now, I'm gonna see to it that

you get the Journalism Merit Badge,

if you don't call the fire or the police

departments for a couple of hours.

I called them first.

What's the matter, boss?

We've got to see to it

that Homer ends up in that river

before the police get to him.

Come on, let's go!

- Come on, take off your coat.

- Take off my coat! What for? It's cold!

Come on, this rowboat is costing us

50 cents an hour.

Fifty cents an hour! Big deal!

And don't jump until someone sees you.

That's more evidence.

And swim underwater to the boat

for about 50 yards.

- Fifty yards? That's all I can swim!

- That's all I can row.

- Take off your pants!

- Here?

I thought this was a family newspaper.

Here, you don't know what you're doing!

- All right, go!

- No!

- Come on, take the picture!

- Right.

Oh, we're sunk!

- Go on, jump!

- No!

Jump! By the time you hit the river,

we'll be in the rowboat!

- Come on!

- Come on!

I won't do it! I won't do it!

You can put it in your paper,

I'm not gonna jump!

It's already in the paper

that you jumped!

We're just waiting for the pictures.

Well, I can change my mind, can't I?

I'm an American citizen.

Homer, we'll give you a military funeral!

- Homer, don't jump.

- Oh, no, I won't.

- Please, Homer, don't jump.

- No, I won't.

- Homer, don't jump.

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