Living It Up Page #7

Steve, it's for his own good.

What do you know what's good for him?

- I was only trying to help.

- "I was only trying to help."

I gotta get to him first! Taxi!

Belleflower! Taxi!

Homer! You all right?

Get me out of here!

They got me strung up here

like a plucked chicken!

Well, we'll both be dead ducks

if we don't hurry!

The specialists are already here!

One's from Vienna,

one's from Hong Kong,

- and the other's from Paris.

- We should be in all those places.

- Let's go!

- No, it's too late!

We gotta fool the specialists.

I gotta get your pulse up to 160.

- What for?

- To send you into a coma.

- What's a coma?

- Never mind. Put up your dukes.

- Hit me.

- No, I like you.

- Now hit me.

- I still like you.

I know, but the doctors are waiting.

You got us into this mess,

you little phoney.

I was just trying to have some fun.

You were in on the whole thing!

But it was your idea first.

Now come on, hit me!

Who are you hitting,

you mail order M.D., you?

Which stands for "miserable doctor"!

- Attaboy!

- I'll mobilise you!

- Come on! Hit me!

- You better watch your step.

I'll make mincemeat out of you, boy!

Attaboy. Hit. Come on.

You asked for this, buddy. You're gonna

get yourself in a heck of a lot of trouble!

Look at that! Watch that footwork!

Attaboy, come on!

More, more, more, more!

Hold it! Hold it!

Come on, let's go! Hit me! Attaboy.

Hit me. Oh, you can hit me.

Come on, try harder.

- You can hit me.

- Well, let me hit you. Stand still.

- Come on.

- I'll hit you.

Let me hit you. Let me hit you once.

Now, listen carefully.

When you come to, just pant and groan.

What do you mean, when I come to?

Well, when you regain consciousness,

yell every time the doctors touch you.

Yeah, yeah.

- Okay, now, say good night to Papa.

- Goodnight, Papa.

Good night.

Dr Harris.

Steve. Steve.

Dr Harris!

Dr Harris, are you in there?

Don't come in, nurse.

Steve. Steve, get up.

Dr Harris, Dr Egelhofer of Vienna

is waiting for your patient

in the fluoroscope room.

Did you hear me, Dr Harris?

And Dr Nassau of Paris

and Dr Lee of Hong Kong

have just entered the scrubbing room.

Please hurry!

Dr Harris, please hurry.

The doctors are waiting for you!

I'll be right there, nurse.

Here's the patient

from Room 433, Doctor.

Seems to be in a coma.

I shall make the medical judgements

here, gentlemen.

I can dispose with your advice.

Who is?

Dr Nassau de Paris.

Good, kommen Sie rein, Doctor.

- Nassau!

- Oh, hello, Doctor!

Yes, but der verstunkene patient

seems to be in perfect health.

Oh, no, no, the Dr Nassau.

The radiation poisoning set in

the reflex all over.

That is not true!

The reflexes, Herr Doctor.

- See?

- No!

That is not true!

Please, Doctor!

Horrible, oui?

I do not understand!

It's easy.

- Who is?

- The consultation, Doctor.

- The examination!

- But I...

The X-ray!

Here, study the X-ray.

Examine the X-ray, Doctor.

I am Dr Nassau.

Und I am the one and only

Dr Emile Egelhofer.

You're not going to kiss me a little bit?

This is Monsieur Flagg?

This...

I must examine the patient.

The verstunkene patient is

in the last stages of the last stages,

and better your eyes

shouldn't be looking on him.

- You should be looking on the X-rays.

- But, Herr Doctor.

I have travelled

many thousands of miles.

But the X-rays

will show what happened with the man.

It is very important

that I examine the patient.

Study the X-ray.

Study and you'll see that...

Dr Nassau, listen.

Where are you?

I must get back to my mice!

You must be

Honourable Doctor Egelhofer.

I am Honourable

Doctor Chung See Lee, Hong Kong.

I am delighted.

Shall we examine the patient together?

Oh, no! No time.

I must get back to Hong Kong

to honourable wife,

who is not very honourable.

Funny? No.

Let us look at X-ray and see patient

- who have radiation poisoning.

- Listen to me, I... No, no, listen...

Dr Lee, I am Dr Nassau, Paris.

I will examine the patient.

But, Doctor!

The patient, the examination is no good

without the X-ray.

But, Doctor, this is not ethical.

I came all the way from Hong Kong

to examine the patient.

- Monsieur,,,

- Doctor.

Monsieur, these are the X-rays

of a woman!

Goes to show just

how sick verstunkene patient is.

Verstunkene?

Verstunkene, Confucius say...

,,, verstunkene patient.

You study X-ray.

Study X-ray, read X-ray.

Oh, no, wrong room.

Better room here, Doctor.

Nice old room. Good room, Doctor.

Oh, no fair, no fair. Two against one.

- Doctor!

- Oh, no fair!

Trois against un,

Drei against eins,

- Doctor...

- Bye!

- Where's Homer?

- I Homer.

- The jig is up!

- What jig?

Goodbye!

I told you we should have put him

in the Psycho Ward!

What is going on? Who is he?

He's Homer Flagg.

- Are you all right, Dr Harris?

- Harris?

Oh, fine. He jumped me and scalped

me. Last stages of radiation poisoning.

Let me handle him.

I'll take care of him. Thank you.

Wait! Such a case I've never seen.

I would like to proceed

with the examination.

What are we gonna do?

Sir, now we are ready

for the examination.

Over here, please.

- Normal. Perfect.

- Wait!

Something in the region

of the left aorta!

My dear Mr Stone,

there is no vestige, no trace,

no single real symptom of any

radiation poisoning in that young man.

Only a verstunkene dollar watch.

Are you sure you examined

the right man?

We are positive.

Here is the full report

of our examination.

- Here are the X-ray pictures.

- The X-rays, Monsieur Stone.

And here, Mr Stone, our bill.

It's witchcraft!

Yes, Mr Stone?

Send me in four sluggers

from the Circulation Department!

Yes, sir,

Hi, Oliver. Here's today's lead.

I only hope the poor kid can still read.

"Homer Flagg, laughing child

of the Golden West,

"faced the lengthening shadows

today undaunted..."

What's the matter with you, Oliver?

You're not listening to me.

I am sitting here, Miss Cook,

toying with the idea of removing

your heart and stuffing it like an olive!

Now, now, just hold on, Oliver.

The strain's been too much for you.

- I'll go get a doctor.

- Doctor!

You wouldn't know a doctor

if you met one!

Look! Look at that skeleton!

Not a bone missing.

Glowing with health and fat!

Fat that I paid for! Look at it.

Rub your nose in it!

There you are. Homer Flagg!

Homer Flagg,

the biggest fraud of the century!

He's out-slickered the city slickers.

Three weeks on the town

at your expense.

Oh, come on, Oliver,

where's your sense of humour?

You were going to marry him!

He would have done to you

what he did to the paper!

Why, that two-timing little fraud!

Where's your sense of humour?

You sent for us, boss?

Well, these four Harvard freshmen

will give Mr Flagg what he deserves.

There won't be enough left of him

to shove under your fingernail!

Oh, no, you don't.

That won't save the Chronicle,

When I find those two desert rats,

I'll give this story a finish

that'll dampen every eye

from here to Gowanus Canal!

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