Living Will... Page #3

I know, he's been

making them all night.

Hey, you're making it

so obvious.

These rednecks are

gonna kick our asses.

They're gonna kick

your ass, not mine.

That's great for you.

Oh please. Look at

these f***ing guys.

They're like

rent-a-rednecks.

That guy drives a Saturn and that guy

jerks off to Carrie Underwood.

That's gonna be a real comfort for me

when I'm picking up

what's left of my teeth

off of the floor.

Do you want me to get you a napkin

for your vagina,

- you f***-ass?

- Shut up.

Hey, you see this schizo

talking to himself?

This fruit f***er's been

playing games with us.

What are you doing

over there, fruit f***er?

Fruit f***er?

Are you serious?

- Yeah.

- He just called you fruit f***er.

Hold this.

My God, they're

hysterical.

All right,

you son of a b*tch,

this next shot...

all this money

all this a**hole money

right now,

because you ain't

making sh*t.

You can do this.

All right, eight ball,

corner pocket.

Would this be easier

for you, gaywad?

Mm!

Eat sh*t.

Eat my sh*t.

This a**hole's

doing magic on us.

Yo, man, it's like he's some crazy

Danger Dopperfield.

Well, whatever it is,

you're doing magic on us.

You know what?

I'm gonna f*** this guy up

upside his head.

Great.

Got this.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Not quite sure what just

happened with the thing.

It just kind of... just went

through the doggone air.

I'm just that fast.

I'm Professor Zoom,

motherf***er.

- Ha ha!

- Yeah!

F*** yeah.

Consider that rent,

Mr. Furley.

Take the biggest guy

in the world,

shatter his kneecap

and he'll drop like a stone.

Did you just reference

"Road House"?

- Patrick Swayze at his best.

- Kudos, my friend.

And kudos again,

fruit f***er.

Ooh, that was great.

I think if I wasn't dead,

I would have got my carrot wet.

I think I'm just gonna

hit the hay, so...

man, it's so good to see you.

I had so much fun today.

Thanks, man.

I enjoy being here.

Not you, Matt.

Oh.

My bad.

Yeah.

Hey, Matt, actually

I'm gonna have to ask you to move out

of Belcher's room.

That's cool.

I couldn't afford

rent anyway.

- You weren't gonna pay me?

- No, probably not.

But since we're

on the topic,

could I crash on your

couch for a while,

since you're kicking

me out and all?

F*** no.

Don't do it.

I guess,

for a little while.

- Cool.

- But no weed.

Sober Sally.

- I'm just kidding.

- Oh, you got me there, man.

- All right, good night.

- You got him.

Dude, that was

some serious drama.

Right?

"Gilmore Girls" drama.

Do they ever stop?

Hey, pass me the bowl.

That'll help me.

Yeah, well,

you'll need that.

Thanks, man.

You're welcome.

You guys are retarded.

No, not the cats cats.

The singing animal "Cats."

Cats.

What is up, buttercup?

You're looking especially

sexy this morning.

You snore really loud

for a dead guy.

Thank you.

That tastes weird.

Dude, do you have

to work today?

Yeah.

What else do you want me to do?

I have alive-people things to do

and alive-people

bills to pay.

Excuse me for not living.

Dude, man,

we can go hustle some

money at the pool hall.

Yeah, 'cause that

went really well.

I thought it went great.

What am I supposed

to do all day?

I don't know.

Do exactly what you did

when you were alive...

nothing.

Matt's here.

He's gonna want to watch

stupid judge shows

all day.

Put on "Supermarket Sweep."

He'll never know the difference.

- I love that show.

- It's a good show.

Yeah, but Furbush is here

and he hates game shows.

Well, I don't know, man.

I gotta go.

Who works on a Monday?

Be good.

Be gay.

F***ing stickler.

This sucks.

Everything's the worst.

I was kidding.

This tastes good.

I'm taking it.

Good morning, Will.

How was your weekend?

Good morning.

It was good.

Yeah yeah, that's great.

That's great, whatever.

Did you get a chance to go over your part

of the Anderson account?

The Anderson account?

Um, yeah, well,

Mr. Archer, actually...

Don't Mr. Archer me,

okay?

What's up, Broba Fett?

Who's the stiff?

What the f***

are you doing here?

What did you

just say?

Uh, nothing.

I didn't say anything.

Just thinking about

the Anderson account, sir.

Marjorie, come help me

with these papers.

And you, I'm not done

with you yet.

What...?

Dude, that stiff you just

knocked over is my boss.

- That dude's your boss?

- Yeah.

- You listen to that dude?

- Yeah, I have to.

He's got eyebrows like caterpillars, man.

He's ridiculous.

What are you doing here?

You can't be here.

- I'm bored as sh*t, man.

- You have to go back home.

I'm serious.

I'm gonna kill myself.

- All right, that doesn't make any sense.

- Belcher, get out of here now.

Okay, please stop

touching that.

That doesn't even do anything.

It just makes that noise.

I know, but I need

to use it, okay?

- For what? To make...

- For my job.

So Eyebrow can think you're

doing something? There you go.

- He's busy. He's busy doing nothing.

- Shh.

This place smells

terrible.

- This place smells like period blood.

- Get off here.

Where do you

sleep though?

You know where I sleep.

Get...

No, where do you sleep

when you're working?

I'd have more fun on fire.

You've never been on fire.

I'd want to be on fire.

I'm gonna get fired

because of you.

You have to go home.

God, being dead

is retarded.

- What's this over here?

- Come on.

Do you have a pencil?

I want to sharpen a pencil.

No no, please just go.

Just stop touching everything.

- Everything's locked.

- Yeah, I know, for people like you.

- Why is this even...?

- No no.

This doesn't even

do anything.

What, is this wah-wah?

This is retarded.

You're making so much noise. They're

gonna hear you and I'm gonna get fired.

- Like it matters.

- Go.

- Can I check my MySpace page?

- Come on.

- What?

- Just get out. Really, just get out.

- All right.

- Just get...

All right, Will,

where were we?

See you later,

Rumpledforeskin.

Marjorie!

Where the sh*t

have you been?

Looks like you just got back

from the Special Olympics.

Being dead is the best thing that's

ever happened to me ever.

You should seriously consider

killing yourself, like seriously.

I'm not gonna kill myself.

What's with the dog?

I don't know. Remember

those horrible women

that lived down the street...

the sorority girls?

- Yeah.

- The whores? They still live there.

So?

So? So?

Jesus Christ,

it's like titty town U.S.A.

Down there.

And I've got a free

f***ing pass.

Whoa, are they, like,

running around naked,

having tickle parties, and flicking

their beans and scissoring...?

That is 110% precisely

what is happening down there.

- Really?

- No, not at all.

But if you wait

around the house

for, like, 12-plus hours, you're bound

to see something worthwhile,

like them changing

a tampon or something.

That's what you did all day?

You sat around at a house

waiting to catch

a glimpse of a tit

when we have literally,

literally mountains of porn in this house?

I hope it was

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