Lo contrario al amor

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You can't have your phone on.

Its electromagnetic field

deharmonizes the subtle energies

we're dealing with.

It's not mine,

I don't have one.

Sorry, it's mine.

It's been proved

that cell phones fry your brain.

They should be banned.

Yes, it's a matter of time.

Mom, what's wrong?

THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE

D*ckhead!

Control, this is engine 511

requesting an ambulance...

Be honest, Ana Mari.

You're coming back.

I see you in front of a camera.

What's more,

it has a great impact.

-I knew it.

-It's very clear.

They want you back.

So do I.

I've danced so often to your

''Diagnosis:
in love''.

That song was about me.

About you and all women.

The illness of love.

When will it happen?

Soon?

Don't be so impatient, Loreto.

It's going to be tough,

but it'll all end well.

Doesn't your sister

have any questions?

No, no.

The cards have something

to tell you.

Cut.

Go on, I'm paying.

Don't worry about me.

I like life to surprise me.

It will surprise you.

Are you in love?

I've been alone for a year.

There's a new love coming.

True love,

the kind that's very rare.

But it all depends on you.

I don't want a boyfriend.

When I have one,

I don't like myself.

It brings out the witch

that's inside me.

''Big news.''

''Fortune teller predicts

triumphant comeback. Ha ha.''

Turn that off, I'm never

coming with you again.

If you'd give up the zen thing,

you'd look great in this.

Yeah, sure.

It was made in Bangladesh

by kids with no shoes.

They should be grateful

they've got a job.

It says China here,

not Bangladesh.

It's you, isn't it?

Or isn't it you?

Depends on who you mean.

What a blast!

You're Loreto Monedero.

When I was 1 4, I dressed up as you

for Carnival in my town.

I won second prize!

-What an honor!

-This is amazing!

In a bar we go to every Friday

they always play your song

at 3.00 a.m., don't they?

I'll have to drop by!

I know the choreography

of ''Diagnosis:
in love'' by heart.

-Really?

-I taught it to my sister.

How sweet.

No second record?

There was one,

but it wasn't promoted enough.

By the way, I'm on Twitter.

Join and spread the word.

She updates it

every ten minutes.

I love sharing my life

with people.

It must be really interesting.

-What's up?

-I dreamed of this!

-Stay calm.

-Nobody move!

Fire service.

I'm Loreto Monedero.

You know,

the singer, actress...

I can't hear you.

What did you say?

I presented ''Chill out, buddies'',

remember?

The kids' program.

Is it really you?

Those "'Interviu"'photos

were a shock for the kids.

I had to boost my career.

Marisol did it too.

If this interview lasts

any longer I'll scream.

Everyone OK?

-No!

-Yes!

Don't worry.

How are you?

On duty.

Don't worry.

Stop telling me that!

Sh*t, I've screwed up my back.

Thanks, but I'm not that heavy!

You're very calm. I wish

everyone was like that.

The worst was

listening to them.

Out of the way, grandpa.

Now you.

''Stuck in an elevator

with my sister and two fans.''

''What a sight.''

Thank you.

You look familiar

but I don't know why.

People say that,

but you know what?

I'll soon be more familiar.

Are you a masseuse?

Metamorphic.

A metamorphic masseuse,

not like the others.

And what's that?

It's a technique

that consists of harmonizing

your psychosomatic balance,

but it doesn't help

with simple lumbago.

That's interesting.

Do you do it

in a clinic or at home?

Good morning.

-How are you?

-Awful, don't talk to me.

I told Santi

to go screw himself.

Good morning!

My cat had five kittens

last night. It was lovely.

Lucky you!

Now you've got a family.

-What's her problem?

-The usual.

And how are you?

I don't know.

I feel kind of

expectant.

My heart is saying:

''Stay calm'',

but my head is saying:

''Watch out''. You know?

You're so profound.

-How are you?

-Same as ever.

Merce!

-What?

-Who do you give our cards to?

It's amazing.

There are three gorgeous hunks

asking for you.

Share them out, you won't

be able to attend them all.

Remember us?

Sure, the firemen.

It's a coincidence.

We've got the same shifts.

And the same free time.

OK, how can we divide them up?

-I'm free right now.

-And so am I.

We're all excellent.

Who's coming with me?

Well...

I guess...

-We can wait.

-Yeah, we'll wait.

I'm in no hurry.

I'm very shy.

I need to know someone a bit

before I undress.

I see.

Well...

Who's first?

No, no! That's not necessary.

No?

I only work on feet,

hands and head.

Not the glutes?

They really ache.

Isn't it hot here?

Maybe you got me wrong

the other day.

-I'm not a physiotherapist.

-No?

Know what happens?

Girls

judge me because

I'm good looking.

And that's

hard, very hard.

Yes, but it's best

if we don't talk.

With all this touching business

a lot of guys

must get a hard on, right?

Yes.

And then I charge extra.

So be careful.

Really?

I reconnect you

with your prenatal period.

You may experience strange feelings

or emotions will be unblocked.

That's strange.

What's happening?

What did you do?

It's a gift I have.

Let it out, don't worry.

I'm used to this.

-I don't feel anything.

-Are you sure?

-I feel you're blocked.

-I feel ticklish.

What about my lower back?

That was great, really.

It's been ages since...

Yes, it's very liberating.

Call me if you want.

To go out,

whatever you want.

I swear,

I don't usually do this,

but when I saw you

you seemed very special.

If you want to have a drink.

I'm good on computers too.

We can talk more

about ''metaphorical'' massage.

What?

-Are you coming?

-I'm on my way.

Did you get him something?

Yeah, of course, it's

fantastic, you'll see.

Got to go,

don't start without me.

Sweetheart! Darling!

Happy birthday!

Look what mom got you.

How old is my boy?

How old is he?

Remind your mom,

she forgets.

-Who am I?

-Loreto.

Hello, love.

We finally see you,

but only because

it's Samuel's birthday.

I'm really busy.

You're always busy.

One more candle.

Great!

You can't miss

a chance like that.

Screw all three

and pick the one you like most.

Who do you think I am?

You?

Why didn't they hit on me?

I guess I was nervous and sweaty.

They seemed kind of dumb.

Dumb? They were hunks!

You always go with

skinny, complicated guys.

We're complicated enough.

Just make the most of it.

You've dated no one

since Joaquin.

She's better off like that.

Don't listen to her.

Mom, we're talking.

Can't I give my opinion?

Is that present safe?

It stinks of glue.

You could've spent a bit more.

I bought him ''Toy Story"'.

Then I'll shut up.

Call the dark haired one.

He was the best.

No, I didn't trust him.

The other one seemed nice.

Which other?

The handsome one

had something too.

But I'm not calling

any of them.

I thought you might like to...

Friday?

I'm off!

At this time?

Don't be late!

Don't be late!

Here.

I don't drink alcohol.

You didn't tell me.

You didn't ask.

All right, sure.

Tonight, then?

Girls are always

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