Local Hero Page #6

'Thank you

for calling Knox Oil and Gas.'

'Mr Macintyre in Scotland.

'Should I transfer him

to Mr Fountain?'

No. Let me have him.

Happer here, Macintyre.

I'm watching the sky, sir.

It's doing some amazing things.

It's got everything, reds,

greens and kind of shimmering.

'There's noise, too,

like a far-off thunder, only softer.'

I wish I could describe it

like I'm seeing it.

Be more specific. You're my eyes

and ears there. Give me details.

Sir, I'll give you the colours first.

It's white and green and red...

I'm sorry. That's the phone box.

Oh, it's blue!

It's like a shower of colour!

Tell him it's the aurora borealis.

It's the aurora borealis,

but it's beautiful!

You're a lucky man, Macintyre.

I haven't seen the aurora

since '53 in Alaska.

'I haven't seen a comet yet, sir.

'I don't know if I'd spot one

in all this...'

Moritz, you idiot!

'Ben said that meteors

are a good sign of a comet.'

'That stuff we saw

the other night...'

You nut! Get out!

'..the future. With regard

to comets, of course...'

Moritz! Get off this building!

I'll have you certified!

'..things happening in the sky.'

'As you suggested,

I'll watch Virgo as well.'

I'll let you know if anything...

God! It just went red all over!

It's red all over!

Mrs Wyatt, I'm leaving the office.

'Yes, sir.'

And, Mrs Wyatt, there's a maniac

outside the building.

Call the police department.

Get some marksmen. Shoot him off.

Shoot to kill.

Pardon me.

Oh, Gordon.

Oh, Gordon.

Well, Edward, I wonder what

the poor people are doing tonight.

Aye, but Peter, I thought all this

money would make me feel...different.

What do you mean?

Well, all it's done

is make me feel depressed.

I don't feel any different.

Well, Edward,

you'll just need to buck up.

You need to accept the fact

you're stinking rich.

Nobody ever said it was going

to be easy to be a millionaire, Ed.

I have a proposition for you, Gordon.

I know I'm a bit tipsy, but I want

you to consider this seriously, OK?

- OK.

- OK.

I want to swap with you...

everything.

I want to stay here,

run the hotel,

do little bits of business.

You can go to Houston.

Take the Porsche, the house, the job.

It's a good life there, Gordon.

I pull down 80,000 a year,

plus I have over 50,000

in mixed securities.

I want you to have it all.

There's nothing due on the car,

it's pure ownership.

And I won't let down

your good name here, Gordon.

I'll make a good Gordon, Gordon.

What do you say, pal?

What about Stella?

I was coming to that.

I love her...very, very much.

She's wonderful.

She's the most beautiful woman

I've ever loved,

and I think she knows it.

I want you to leave Stella

here with me, Gordon.

Would you do that?

Would you leave Stella here with me?

Sure, Mac.

You're a good guy, Gordon.

Do you drive a car, Victor?

Yes. I share a Volvo 144

estate with my brother-in-law.

I drive a Porsche 930.

What's the insurance

like on a Porsche?

Very heavy, but I get a deal

through Knox Insurance.

Ah.

You got hi-fi?

Quad and video.

I've got quad outfit, too.

Picked it up in Japan.

Here's my address in Houston, Victor.

If you ever get to the States,

give me a call.

Thank you very much.

Let me give you my address

in Murmansk, too.

I'm not there a lot, but...

you never know!

It's my card.

How come you're here?

Fishing.

I have been coming here for years.

I like it here,

but it is tough life for the locals.

You should be proud of yourself,

making them millionaires.

- I don't know.

- Yeah.

- Breakfast ready, Gordon?

- We've a problem. Ben's beach.

- What's the problem?

- It really is Ben's beach.

He owns the shoreline, four miles

of it. It's in the parish records.

- Can he prove it?

- We can't steal the beach from him.

- Buy it from him.

- It's not in our budget.

We didn't allow for this.

Work out a price.

Steal something from the trust fund.

Does he know he owns it?

Can't you stick in

some more money, Mac?

Mr Mac!

That was a telephone call

from America.

- A Mr Happer's coming to see you.

- Happer?

H- a-p-p...p-e-r.

They spelt it for me.

Oh, Jesus!

One million sterling and no more.

Then you're on your own.

That includes the cliffs

and the rocks.

OK, Mac, I've got the message.

- Where's the door?

- There is no door.

How do you do business with

someone who doesn't have a door?

The ethics are just the same.

Ben, could I have a word with you?

- Ben, hello. You know Macintyre.

- Macintyre, aye.

- This is Victor Pinochkin. Ben Knox.

- How do you do?

- Your name is Knox?

- My name's Knox, yes.

Can we come in, or will you come out?

I'll just get the fire started.

- This is your beach, isn't it, Ben?

- Oh, yes.

It's been in the family

for 400 years.

The Lord of the Isles

gave it to an ancestor of mine.

He helped him out

with a spot of trouble.

Killed his brother for him...

something like that.

You have a deed or anything? Papers?

It's in the museum in Edinburgh.

It's a historical document.

Mac.

Sure, sure. Ben...

What we wanted to ask you...

Have you ever thought about...moving?

Eh, no.

- No?

- No.

Macintyre represents some people who

think they have a use for the beach.

They want to pay you.

- Money?

- A lot of money...

100,000.

The thing is,

I'm still working the place myself.

It's my living.

It supports me.

You wouldn't have to work.

We all have to work.

The beach has to be worked.

Think of the state

it would get into.

Eh?

Gordon,

can this music be turned off?

Oh, yeah.

- Don't you like this?

- No.

- You mean you've never liked it?

- No.

- Even when you first came?

- No.

Half a million pounds

is a lot of money, Ben,

enough to buy another beach with.

Look, I've got some postcards.

I've got some very fine beaches here.

I want to make you an offer.

How about this -

any beach that takes your fancy,

anywhere in the world,

I'll get for you.

Look at this - Hawaii.

I can get you

five or six miles of Hawaii.

Or look here, Australia.

Look at that sand.

Oh, yes. They look like

very nice beaches, Mr Macintyre.

But, see, I only need the one.

I have this here.

I don't need another one.

Besides, I'm not sure that there's

a living in any of these beaches.

You've got to go into

that kind of thing in detail.

I'll buy you any beach you want,

and I'll give you 750,000

to set yourself up with.

It'll give you some security

in the early stages. What do you say?

You're great at talking

with the big numbers...

- Say, look, you're good at numbers.

- Part of my job, yes.

Would you give me a pound note

for every grain of sand in my hand?

You can have the beach for that.

There, I saved you

a pound or two there.

Ben, I don't want to play games.

Let's negotiate

in a businesslike way.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

You could have had

a very nice purchase, Mr Macintyre.

I can't hold much more than 10,000

grains of sand in my hand at a time.

Did you think it would be

a bigger number?

- You took advantage of me, Ben.

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