Local Hero Page #5

I like the scenery.

Grey seals.

They look nice and friendly.

A salmon fisherman

would shoot them on sight.

They steal his fish

and ruin his nets.

They know what they're doing.

They're rascals.

We're keeping an eye on them. There's

only 50,000 left in the Atlantic.

Sailors used to think

they were mermaids, yeah?

Aye, they did. They were wrong.

'General Store

from Vulgar Boatman.

'Channel four for QRK.

Come back, General Store.

'Channel four for QRK.

Come back and copy.

'General Store, planning a visit.

'Picked up modulations

on your coming Ceilidh.'

Welcome to democracy, Boatman.

Roddy!

Roddy!

Tell Gordon Urquhart

the Russians are coming!

Hello! Hello!

How are you?

- Good to see you, Victor.

- Good to see you, Gordon.

Watch the booze, Gordon.

- Carry these.

- OK.

Silly b*tch.

This is plum brandy for Stella.

The rest is the usual.

How are things?

I heard about the Ceilidh.

Oh, yeah.

We've been invaded by America.

We'll have nowhere to call home,

but we'll be stinking rich.

Are the Americans here?

Just one and a Scots kid. They're

on the beach taking long walks.

Paiyoo.

It's Japanese.

Marina...paiyoo...

sakana...asika...azarisa.

Sakana...asika...

azarisa.

Asi. Asi.

- Kisu.

- Kisu?

Kisu. Seppum.

You taste salty.

You're on the fresh side.

I've got some insurance

policies for you to look at.

How do you make this add up?

Oh, Mac,

come and meet Victor Pinochkin.

Victor, this is Mac.

Macintyre. Knox Oil and Gas, Houston.

Pinochkin.

Soviet fishing fleet, Murmansk.

I'm here for the Ceilidh. We have

been buying fish in the Minch.

You are doing some business, too?

Yes. I think I'll go upstairs

and wash out these shells.

What have you got there?

Is that a scallop shell?

A very nice one.

This is a razor fish or razor clam.

They call them "spoots" around here.

You can eat them.

Catching them is a problem, though.

They jet through the sand.

- Strong little things.

- I wouldn't want to eat them.

- Come down for a drink later, Mac.

- Yeah, I'll see you later.

I left last year's money

on short-term deposit.

I didn't know when you might need it.

Wouldn't it work harder

on the money market?

The amounts don't justify it.

Besides, the dollar's

all over the place now.

It's a full-time job

just monitoring it.

No, I see what you mean.

You should think again

about some property.

I'll be liquid after this Knox thing.

Come in with me.

You know I'm a cash man, Gordon.

I'll have to think about it.

Hey, that's a ribbed mussel. Nice.

Yeah. And this is a scallop.

A bay scallop, I would say, actually.

Yeah, yeah,

and this is a razor shell.

So how's business?

Do you need any help?

Urquhart's got

all the powers of attorney.

We should have

a draft agreement by tonight.

- So we've swung it?

- Looks like it.

No opposition at all?

They'll do all right.

We're not robbing anybody.

Do they know

what'll happen to the place?

They'll be rich.

That's all they know.

Could I borrow your ribbed mussel?

I want to show it to someone.

- Bring it back.

- First thing tomorrow.

- Thank you.

- Bye.

Hey!

Yeah?

- Do you speak Russian?

- Yeah. That's one of mine.

- You want my scallop, too?

- No, thanks. The mussel will do.

- OK. See you at the Ceilidh, then.

- Right.

- Please, come on.

- No. Thanks, but...

- You don't want to dance with me?

- It's not that...

It'll be good. Just enjoy yourself.

Yee-hah!

Yeee-hah!

If we call the useless land

- the beach and cliffs -

one third of the price of

the working land and the village,

the average price is 2,000 per acre.

Sounds fine.

I'm asking for 5% of revenue over

10 years on top of the 10 million.

I can't say on the percentage.

You can have the 10 million

plus participation to be

mutually...etcetera etcetera.

There's Victor's song.

# Guess that I was born to be a rover

# Guess I've always been

a rolling stone

# But someday when

my roving days are over

# I will find a place to call my own

# Cos even the lone stars,

they get lonesome

# Lonesome as a lost ship on the sea

# Even the lone stars,

they get lonesome

# Lonesome for

a lone star man like me... #

A 42-year-old whisky, Roddy.

We've none of that tonight.

Give me four eight-year olds

and a ten-year old!

Aye, that adds up.

Yeah! Ha ha!

# Even the lone stars,

they get lonesome

# Lonesome for

a lone star man like me

# Lonesome for a lone star

# Man

# Like

# Me #

Yeah!

Four generations

of working that farm,

digging and draining and planting.

Years and years,

and it comes to this.

Strange times, Archie.

What was it Gordon Urquhart

offered you?

1.5 million in cash,

plus 2% of the relocation fund,

and a share in the oil field revenue.

Aye, strange times. Strange times.

No, no.

- Come on, what do you say?

- What do I say what?

- Let's haggle.

- Haggle?

Dollars or pounds?

The 2,000 per, or the 10 million?

- Pounds. Let's say pounds.

- Come on, Mac. Negotiate!

Whatever you want, Gordon.

Pounds, yen, roubles. You name it.

It was only 40 at Christmas.

You were only charging

two at Christmas.

Inflation's going up all the time.

Spiralling costs.

Anyway Alan's got a new guitar.

- You're a fiver short, Murdo.

- Sorry, Gordon.

- You'll still help with the waltz?

- Oh, aye.

Come on, Mac. Get your jacket off.

We're waltzing. Come on.

Ah, it's James Stewart.

That's Humphrey Bogart.

Watch, watch. Who's this?

Well, that would be James Stewart.

No. That's Cary Grant.

This is Jimmy Stewart.

Ah, Humphrey Bogart.

No. That was James Stewart.

What were you dancing

with that prat for?

What?

I saw you chasing that guy

all over the dance floor.

What's so special about him?

He's different.

Bloody right he's different.

Cheer up.

You've made everybody very happy.

You're a success. Cheers.

It's their place, Mac.

They have a right

to make what they can of it.

You can't eat scenery.

Cheers.

Yeah.

You speak a lot of sense

for an oilman.

Is everyone celebrating?

Almost everyone.

When do I get the good news?

I want to talk to you about that.

There's a kind of alternative plan.

Geddes has all the details.

- What do you mean?

- It's an oil terminal or something.

No. I don't see that happening here.

I don't see that at all.

Holy mackerel! What's happening?

It's just the northern lights.

Aurora borealis.

High energy protons

spilling into our atmosphere.

They get through the magnetic shield

at the poles.

It's still beautiful,

whatever you call it.

- How often does this happen?

- Oh, any old time.

It's best when the sun's active.

That gets the solar wind up.

You say the darnedest things, Marina.

I don't feel sick.

I just feel a wee bit dizzy.

I'll put a bit of colour

into your cheeks, darlin'!

What's happening up there?

That's the northern lights, Mac.

What the heck is that?

It's pretty technical.

Nice though, isn't it?

Hey, everybody! I need tens.

I got to have tens.

I have to...I need tens.

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