Local Hero Page #4

Space, adaptability.

Are you sure there are two "L"s

in "dollar", Gideon?

Yes!

And are there two "G"s

in "bugger off"?

- Andrew, knock it off for a bit.

- OK.

Thanks.

Coffee.

Ta.

Stella?

You busy?

No. Just fixing lunch.

Andrew!

- It's OK, you can start again now.

- Right!

Don't wave your arm so much.

- I got six.

- I got a 10 before. You missed it.

I think 10's the maximum you can get

before it sinks.

- It's a scientific law.

- But it's the size, as well.

A middle size seems to work

the best, you know?

I'll check out the beach. Coming?

No. You go ahead.

I'll hang around here,

maybe catch Urquhart later.

Hey, I said it! Urquhart!

Gordon Urquhart.

Gordon Urquhart.

- Working hard?

- Fixing the creels.

Trying to keep lobsters in

and crabs out.

- What do you do with the lobsters?

- They catch a plane.

Next day, they're being eaten in

London or Paris. They see the world!

- Don't you eat them?

- Oh, no. Too expensive.

You work here as well as the bar?

Oh, aye. We all muck in together,

do any job that's needing done.

Aye.

Have you only got one job?

Yeah. Just one.

The telephone box all right for you?

It's fine.

Gideon's going to give it

a fresh coat of paint.

Any particular colour you'd like?

Red's all right. Red's fine.

The cord could be

a little longer, though.

In America, the cords

are a bit longer.

Whose baby?

Come down!

Come here. I want to talk to you.

Baby coral.

You're Mr What's-his-name from Knox.

- Danny. We met in Aberdeen.

- I remember.

Did you swim all the way?

No. I stay here a lot.

This is my bay.

I'm working on a biological profile

of the whole area.

- Didn't Geddes tell you?

- Not really.

I'm plotting everything from the

two headlands to the high-tide mark.

- How's the water? Cold?

- It should be colder.

The North Atlantic Drift comes in

here. Warm water from the Caribbean.

That's why it's special here.

Stuff fetches up here

from the Bahamas.

That's a long way.

- You swim?

- Not that far.

- How are things in the village?

- OK.

They're good people.

Let me know if I can help.

Good afternoon.

I'd like some toothpaste, please.

Something with fluoride or ammonia.

And, uh, some shampoo.

Dry, normal, or greasy?

Normal. Extra normal.

That's normal.

It'll do your dandruff, as well.

They've been smelling the money

since you two got here.

Do you know why we're here?

Of course.

It's my project, isn't it?

- Your project?

- The marine laboratory here.

I sent the proposal months ago.

You're here to check it out, right?

- Don't be coy.

- Sure. The marine laboratory.

I know it's only a public relations

number for Knox now,

but the future's in here.

Actually,

I'm not a very good swimmer.

Listen, when can I see you again?

I'm always around. I'll pop up soon.

- Have you enough air to get home?

- Sure.

- Well, take care anyway.

- See you.

Have you got a telephone number

or anything?

- No.

- No?

That's all it is.

No.

A little one over here?

No.

You could paint that out,

put this here.

No.

No, huh?

No.

We don't see the point.

Just ask him to make us an offer.

It's not that simple.

We can't appear too eager.

We string him along,

and the price goes up.

- What if he pulls out?

- It's too much of a gamble.

Ask him what he has to offer.

- A half pint for you?

- Aye, and a whisky.

I told you I needed

your trust and your patience.

Let me take the strain. Relax.

Give me till the Ceilidh, at least.

24 hours.

OK. We'll talk at the Ceilidh.

Nice to see you in here,

Mr Macintyre.

Mr Urquhart.

I want you to try something.

This is the MacAskill.

Pure malt whisky.

42 years old.

Old enough to be out on his own.

Very true.

Hmm.

- Slinte!

- Yeah.

- I want to talk to you.

- Good.

It's not about

buying people's feelings,

it's about

taking feelings into account.

I agree.

Massive disturbance,

resettlement, lives being restarted.

Sounds like a lot of money.

One way, it strikes me,

might be a trust fund

over and above a purchase price.

Say, a lump sum, plus a percentage

of the profits over 10 or 20 years

with some local trustees

and some Knox ones.

We have to decide on a basic price

before the frills.

I'll get you a fixed price

averaging over the whole area.

We have to be talking about millions.

Maybe.

What kind of millions

are we talking about?

We'll have to talk about that.

Say, a target figure of maybe...

20 million.

- For the trust?

- For the community, yes.

Pounds.

Dollars, maybe.

- It's a nice evening, though.

- Pretty.

Good evening, Ben.

Aye. Oh, it's

a pleasant night, Gordon.

This is Macintyre.

He's staying with us.

How do you do, Mr Macintyre?

I'd offer you a cup of tea,

but there's only the one other cup.

- We don't mind sharing.

- Not in the least.

No sugar, though, please.

Macintyre was asking me how much

I thought the bay was worth, Ben.

Oh, that's a good one,

right enough, Gordon!

Do you know about the stars, Ben?

Well, I know my way around this sky.

What about comets? Any around?

Did you want to buy a comet, as well?

Maybe.

If you want to find a comet,

you just have to look long enough

in the right place.

Where would you look?

I would look in Leo,

but it seems like an awful lot

of trouble just to find a comet.

What about Virgo?

You never mentioned

comets before.

That's a whole new area

of negotiation.

We'll leave you in peace now, Ben.

We're having a Ceilidh tomorrow after

Mac and I have tidied up some work.

I'll be there, Gordon.

You can count on me.

Jesus, look.

Holy cow! Jesus!

Calm down, Mac.

It's just a meteor shower.

Morning, Andrew.

Good morning, Mr Mac.

I'll see you later, then.

Mr Macintyre!

Telephone. It's a Mr Houston.

- Macintyre. Hello.

- 'This is Happer. How are things?'

Sir, they're fine.

'The deal is about there.'

- What about the sky?

- 'It's amazing!'

There's always

a lot happening in it.

Last night there was a meteor shower.

- Where was the shower?

- In the sky. They came down.

What part of the sky?

'I don't know, but I'm told that

comet-wise, Leo may be worth a look.'

Should I switch from Virgo?

I'll have time later.

No. Do both, Macintyre.

Leo and Virgo.

Have you ever seen

a meteor shower, sir?

Once or twice.

It's a sight worth seeing.

- I know how you must feel.

- 'Yes, Mr Happer.'

- I'll keep in touch.

- 'Goodbye, sir.'

'Next week, Professor Wiley

will be talking about his theory...'

'..based on his researches into

interplanetary gravitational effect.

'From Astronomy Tomorrow,

good night.'

Yes?

- 'Happer?'

- Yes.

'You're a sh*t, Happer.

A useless piece of crap.'

Get off the phone, Moritz.

I don't need you any more.

You're not being paid.

'This is doing more good

than the formal sessions.'

Leave me alone, or I'll call

the police. This is harassment.

'A**hole, Happer!

You love it! Craphound!'

'I'm still here, Happer,

and you're still a useless mo...'

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