Lola Versus Page #7

---

because we all get obsessed with shoes...

...and then we think that some guy

is gonna come put them on our feet.

- That is a man's job.

- I actually thought I was living in a fairy tale...

...and that Luke's shoe fit me perfectly.

I guess no shoe is a perfect fit,

especially when you have slightly irregular feet.

Right. Well, you gotta find

your own style, baby.

Are you telling me to go shoe shopping?

I have a friend, Diane--

No, she has an eight-and-a-half

and a nine-and-a-half.

That's not even close. That's a whole size.

- That's depressing, Mom.

- No, I know.

It's scary to think that one side could grow

and the other side doesn't.

- It's disgusting.

- Imagine her bras.

I got you something.

Oh, my God, you shouldn't have.

It's a douche.

I know you've been wanting a new one.

- I'm douchey.

- I'm douchey.

- Eh.

- I'm so sorry about how I acted.

I'm sorry too.

I should have told you sooner.

- I was so stupid.

- Don't-- Don't be sorry.

I am so happy for you and Henry.

Really.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh. Ahem.

So I want to have a party for my birthday

and I need your help.

- Is this a trick?

- No.

I know I have never had a birthday party before,

but I think I'm ready.

Okay. Yeah, I'm loving it.

Let's-- What are we doing?

Going to Six Flags?

No, I just think I need a clean start...

...because I've really f***ed up

all my friendships over the past year.

- So.. ..

- No.

It's like everyone always says:

To love someone else,

you have to learn how to love yourself.

But I don't know, after this year,

I don't think that's true.

I think to love yourself,

you have to learn how to love other people.

- Illuminati.

- The Illuminati.

And they say that Hillary Clinton is a lizard.

The thing is, if you look at the sky enough,

you will see lasers shooting out of the moon.

If you really, really look,

because I have seen it.

It was on YouTube, but I did see it

with my eyes through a computer.

- It's because the apocalypse is coming.

- I know.

- I'm moving to Canada.

- I'm just gonna try to keep to my routine.

All right, I'm getting pizza.

Oh, my God.

- Hey!

- You came!

I'm so happy you came!

You never have a birthday party.

I'm having a bit of a rebirth,

so I thought it was cause for celebration.

- About the whole Alice thing--

- No.

- It's so fine.

- Really?

We don't hold grudges.

Well, I am actually still upset

that you lost my Boyz II Men cassette.

Oh, I don't speak Spanish.

- Ugh.

- Ugh. Come on.

Mm.

Missed you.

- Did you know he was coming?

- No.

I'm gonna get some nibblers.

Hey.

- What are you doing here?

- I couldn't miss this.

It's just kind of a picnic.

Yeah, well, I didn't want to miss this...

...because I miss this.

- Are you speaking in rhyming verse now?

- Yes.

Because I'm nervous. Uh...

Look, I just gotta say this. Um...

I mean, I got my space.

- I just ended up in another relationship.

- Right.

But it's fleeting.

And it's not real.

And I just think I needed some distance

to realize that.

- Was that all you needed?

- Yeah.

I mean, now we can go at this

from a totally new way.

I don't know what to say.

You didn't want me or us or any of it.

And then you got this distance.

But the thing is, I haven't, really.

What do you mean?

I mean, you've had time.

It's been months.

But I spent all that time obsessing over you.

And other people.

And I think I finally have some

perspective on what I need.

- Which is?

- Which is...

I'm so touched that you want to start

all of this back up again...

...but I'm taken. Heh.

By myself. I...

I've just got to do me for a while.

Lola!

I'm coming!

Okay, yeah. Come on.

Let's go, folks. Fire up this pastry.

Here we go, here we go.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, okay.

All right.

Birthday rap!

- Get ready.

- Okay.

You're 6, you're Lola

You live in Angola

You're African, except you're not

But you're just as hot

You're a writer, you're a fighter

Like a Mark Wahlberg fighter

- Except you're Donnie

- I'm your mommy

And I'm your friend who's black

This is not what we rehearsed.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

All right, let's eat cake.

Thank you.

Ooh!

I have 29 years before the next upheaval.

Before that crazy planet comes back

to wreak havoc on my life.

And when it's over...

...I hope I feel exactly the way I do right now.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes