Lolita Page #4

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(clattering)

Humbert:

What is that?

Dolores:

What's what?

Humbert:

That thing in your mouth.

Dolores:

It's a jawbreaker.

Supposed to break your jaw. Want one?

Humbert:

Just give it to me. I've had it with that noise.

Spit it out; I've got a headache.

Dolores:

It's good!

Humbert:

Just give it to me, will you?

Spit it out.

Dolores:

You look a hundred percent better when I can't see you.

Humbert:

We took a circuitous route, to put it mildly.

In the back of my mind was our eventual destination...

Beardlsey College.

Where I would finally take up my teaching position.

But in the front of my mind was the need to keep going, keep driving.

Lo, that's the last time I'll let you drive this car.

Serve into this square, Lo.

And despite our tiffs...

In the square, Lo. Try and get it in the square.

No, this square.

Despite all the fuss...

and the faces she made...

and the danger and hopelessness of it all...

Aim for my head.

Despite all that... I was in paradise.

Paradise whose skies were the color of hellflames.

But a paradise, still.

(crying)

Miss Pratt:

I know you have accepted a post at Beardsley College...

And I know that there, academics are first, last, and always.

Well, that's not us, Mr. Himmler.

Here at Beardlsey Prep, what we stress are the "three d's"...

dramatics, dancing, and dating.

I know that the Reverend Rigger is behind us on this, aren't you?

Humbert:

I'm with you all the way, Miss Pratt. Every inch.

Miss Pratt:

So you see, Mr. Humper, for the modern pre-adolescent...

medieval dates are less vital than weekend ones.

Humbert:

What? Weekend what?

Miss Pratt:

Dates, Mr. Humping.

Humbert:

Boys.

I was not quite prepared for the reality of my dual role.

On the one hand, the willing corrupter of an innocent...

and on the other, Humbert the happy housewife.

Where's the river Rhine?

Dolores:

I don't know.

Humbert:

You should know that.

Dolores:

Why?

Humbert:

Big battles there in the Great War.

Where's the river Seine?

Dolores:

I don't know.

Humbert:

Lo, you're supposed to learn these.

Dolores:

It's not what I'm on.

Humbert:

Seems to be pretty relaxed, this school of yours.

(swing music playing)

Dolores:

I'm supposed to be in a play.

Humbert:

What play?

Dolores:

I don't know...

some play.

At school.

With the boys from Butler's Academy?

Humbert:

I don't know. Maybe.

Don't think it's a good idea.

Dolores:

You're depriving me of my civil rights.

Humbert:

Where did you learn that language?

Dolores:

I'm intelligent.

I have a right to be in a play if I want.

Humbert:

Not if I say you don't.

You like that?

You want more, don't you?

Dolores:

I want things, too.

Humbert:

What?

Dolores:

Things.

You know how my allowance is a dollar a week?

Humbert:

Yes, I know.

Dolores:

Well, I think it should be two dollars.

I said, I think it should be two dollars.

Humbert:

Dollar-fifty.

Dolores:

I really do think it should be two dollars.

Am I right?

Am I right?

God, yes.

Two dollars.

And I get to be in the play.

Dolores:

"Ah, rosy mistress of the night…”

Mona:

"you have enchanted many a hunter's heart.

But this time, my temptress, you have met your match.

For far more than a hunter...

I...

...am a poet."

Dolores:

"The night has fallen, Rodrigo..."

Miss Pratt:

Hold it, hold it!

Mona... give us a moment.

I'd like a word with Dolores.

Use your charms on the hunter...

because you're the witch.

You're... bringing the hunter to your lair.

Mona:

Hi. Mr. Humbert.

Humbert:

Hi, Mona.

Some play, huh?

Miss Pratt:

Use your nymphs, and use your charms. Seduce the hunter.

Dolores:

Look... see right there?

That's the actual playwright., Clare Quilty.

Can you believe it?

Miss Pratt:

Let the music transform you... feel that you've become a witch.

You're a witch.

Humbert:

This play any good, Mona?

Mona:

Oh, yeah, it's very poetical.

Miss Pratt:

Witch... witch! More wind, more wind!

Humbert:

You're a witch, aren't you?

Miss Pratt:

More wind! I need more wind!

The witches dance... in the wind!

Humbert:

As she grew cooler towards my advances,

I became accustomed to purchasing her favours.

Where she hid the money I never knew...

Dolores:

Stop it!

Humbert:

I was convinced she was storing it away

in order to finance her escape from me.

You can't do that...

you can't expect me to pay extra in the middle.

Dolores:

Ow!

Miss Pratt:

She's a lovely child, Mr. Hayes...

but the onset of sexual maturing seems to be giving her trouble.

Isn't that your observation, Reverend?

Reverend:

To the tee, Miss. Pratt.

So you see, it is the general impression that 14-year-old Dolores...

is morbidly disinterested in sexual matters.

Does she ever speak about these... matters?

Humbert:

Well... that's just it.

Miss Pratt:

What's just it?

Humbert:

That's just it... she hasn't said anything.

She hasn't breathed a word.

Miss Pratt:

But... who has?

Humbert:

Are you saying that I?

Miss Pratt:

Exactly. This is a very serious matter.

Reverend:

What we're trying to say to you, is that someone in the family...

maybe you...

This is very difficult for me.

Well, let me put it this way...

Someone in the family...

ought to instruct that dear child in the process of human reproduction.

I'm so sorry...

I see that I've embarrassed you.

Yet you, as her father...

ought to take the matter well in hand.

Humbert:

Worry not, Miss Pratt.

I have... this matter in hand.

Miss Pratt:

Well... that's all I needed to say.

(phone rings)

Humbert:

Yes?

Oh, yes.

She is?

Goodbye.

How are the piano lessons going?

Dolores:

Fine.

Great... excellent. Wonderful, terrif, perfect.

Humbert:

Especially since you missed the last two.

Where were you?

Dolores:

Where was I?

I should have told you before.

I was in the park. I was rehearsing the play with Mona.

Humbert:

That's your story?

Dolores:

That's what I was doing.

Humbert:

Okay, give me Mona's phone number.

Mona's phone number?

Come on, Lo...just give me Mona's phone number.

Dolores:

Lawson 5-7-2-4-1.

Humbert:

Is Mona there, please?

Mona, this is Dolores' father.

Mona:

(on phone) Oh, hello, sir.

Humbert:

Mona, were you and Dolores rehearsing the play in the park

for the past two Tuesday afternoons?

Mona:

Let's see... the last two Tuesdays?

Humbert:

One of them, Mona, was yesterday.

You know, sir, that's absolutely right. I feel awfully bad about it.

I alone am to blame, sir, believe me.

The whole rehearsing in the park thing was my idea.

We just did it 'cause we didn't want to get on your nerves.

Dolores:

Well?

Did she confirm?

Humbert:

She did.

And I've no doubt she'd been well instructed by you.

In fact, I've no doubt you've told her all about us.

Look, Lo, this has got to stop.

I don't know what it is you're up to, but whatever it is...

I'll yank you out of Beardsley as fast as it takes to pack...

unless this stops.

Dolores:

Unless what stops?

Humbert:

You know what I'm talking about!

Dolores:

Take it easy, mister!

Humbert:

Now you show me every penny...

Dolores:

Leave me alone, you pervert!

Humbert:

You're running away from me, I know what you're doing...

Dolores:

That's right, I am! Anyone would try to run away from you!

Humbert

You show me everything you've hidden!

Dolores:

I earned that money!

Go ahead, murder me...

like you murdered my mother.

Humbert:

I'm sorry.

Dolores:

Murder me like you murdered my mother.

Humbert:

Shut up, shut up!

Dolores:

Murder me - like you murdered my mother!!

Humbert:

Now stop that...

Dolores:

Go ahead!

Murder me! Go on, murder me, I'm asking you to murder me!

Humbert:

Shut up...

Dolores:

Murder me - murder me! I hate you!

Humbert:

Calm down!

Dolores:

Murderer!

Humbert:

Come here, Lo!

Dolores:

Murderer!!

Humbert:

I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Neighbour:

I do not know who you people think you are...

screaming and carrying on. We do not live in a tenement...

My daughter... I really can't stay, I'm so sorry.

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