Lolita Page #3

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Humbert:

Good evening, I have a reservation. Humbert?

Twin-bedded room.

Called last night.

Two people.

Receptionist:

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Humbug.

I held the room with the twin beds for you till 6:30.

But I didn't hear from you.

We hold the rooms until 6:30, that's policy.

And with the flower show, and the Glory of Christ convention...

Humbert:

Look, my name is not "Humbug", it's Herbert.

...Humbert.

Just put us in any room.

Put a cot in for my daughter; she's very tired.

Receptionist:

Perhaps I could put you in room 342. It has a double bed.

Humbert:

I expect we'll manage. My wife may be turning up later.

Receptionist:

Please sign here, Mr. Humbert.

Quilty:

It's a nice dog, huh?

Dolores:

I love dogs.

Quilty:

Well, that's my dog.

He likes you.

Doesn't like everybody.

Dolores:

Who's he like?

Quilty:

He can smell when people are sweet.

He likes sweet people.

Nice young people.

Like you.

Humbert:

Here we are.

Dolores:

Wait a sec. You're tellin' me we're sleepin' in one room?

With one bed?

Humbert:

I've asked them to send up a cot.

Which I'll use, if you like.

Dolores:

You're crazy.

Humbert:

Why, my darling?

Dolores:

Because, "my darling"...

when my "darling" mother finds out...

she'll divorce you and strangle me.

Humbert:

No... listen to me a moment...

For all practical purposes, I am your father...

and I am responsible for your welfare.

Now, we're not rich...

and so when we travel, we, we... we're sure to be...

I mean, we'll be thrown together.

Sometimes.

Two people sharing the same hotel room, are bound to enter into a...

into a... how can I put it? Into a kind of...

Dolores:

The word is "incest."

I feel like we're grown-ups.

Humbert:

Me, too.

Dolores:

We get to do whatever we want, right?

Humbert:

Whatever we want.

Waiter:

Well, now... who had the pie?

Dolores:

Me.

Whaddaya think?

Are they me?

Don't look now...

Humbert:

What?

Dolores:

That guy over in the corner...

Don't look! Don't look, he's staring at us.

Don't you think that guy over there looks exactly like Quilty?

Humbert:

What, the dentist?

Dolores:

Of course not. His brother.

The writer, Quilty. You know, that writes the plays?

Smoking, now.

I saw him in the lobby with his dog.

(In room)

Dolores:

If I tell you how naughty I was at camp?

Promise you won't be mad?

Humbert:

Tell me later.

I want you to go to bed.

I'll go downstairs while you...

and when I come up I want you to be asleep.

All right?

Dolores:

I've been such a disgusting girl.

Just let me tell you.

Humbert:

Tell me tomorrow.

I'm gonna go now, all right?

Dolores:

'Night, Dad.

Humbert:

'Night-night.

Gentlewomen of the jury...

If my happiness could've talked...

It would have filled that hotel with a deafening roar.

My only regret...

is that I did not immediately deposit key number 342 at the office

and leave the town, the country, the planet, that very night.

Quilty:

"The Lord knows all, the Lord sees all,

the Lord forgives all."

Where the devil did you get her?

Humbert:

I beg your pardon?

Quilty:

I said, "the weather's getting better."

Humbert:

Ahem... seems so.

Quilty:

Who's the lassie?

Humbert:

It's my daughter.

Quilty:

You lie. She's not.

Humbert:

What?

Quilty:

I said, "July was hot."

Where's her mother?

Humbert:

Dead.

Quilty:

Oh... sorry.

Why don't you two have lunch with me tomorrow?

That clerical crowd will be gone soon.

Humbert:

We'll be gone, too, thanks.

Good night.

Quilty:

Sorry...

Humbert:

I'm very drunk. Good night.

Quilty:

That child of yours needs a lot of sleep.

"Sleep is a rose", the Persians say.

Smoke?

Humbert:

Not just now, thanks.

Quilty:

Good night.

Humbert:

Enjoy.

Dolores:

Get back in the boat with Charlie, and that's that.

Back in the boat...

I'm thirsty.

Humbert:

I'll bring you something.

(lightly blowing)

Humbert:

You played that with Charlie? At camp?

Dolores:

Don't tell me you never tried it when you were a kid.

Humbert:

Never.

Dolores:

I guess I'm gonna have to show you everything.

Humbert:

Gentlewomen of the jury...

I was not even her first lover.

What're you reading?

Dolores:

Nothing.

Humbert:

What's the matter?

Dolores:

Nothing.

Humbert:

Lo...

Dolores:

What?

Humbert:

You know that... friend of yours, Charlie?

Was he the first one?

Dolores:

Can we please get off the subject?

Humbert:

I felt more and more uncomfortable.

It was something quite special, that feeling.

An oppressive, hideous constraint.

As if I were sitting with the ghost of somebody I'd just killed.

Dolores:

Jesus.

Humbert:

What?

Dolores:

Can we stop at a gas station?

Humbert:

We can go anywhere you like.

Dolores:

Well, I need a gas station. I hurt inside.

Well, what did you expect?

I was a daisy-fresh girl, and look what you've done to me.

I should call the police and tell them that you raped me...

you dirty old man.

Humbert:

Just wash the windscreen, would you?

Clerk:

Yes, sir.

Dolores:

I got some cookies.

Gimme some change, I want to call Mother in the hospital.

What's the number?

Humbert:

Get in the car; you can't call the hospital.

Dolores:

Why not?

Humbert:

Just get in the car.

Slam the door.

Dolores:

Why can't I call my own mother if I want to?

Humbert:

'Cause your mother's dead.

(crying)

Humbert:

We made up very gently that night.

You see...

she had nowhere else to go.

It was then that we began our extensive travels

all over the United States.

Dolores:

(singing)”Whoa, bongo, bongo, bongo...

"I don't want to leave the Congo... No-no-no...

When's the best time to buy a bird?

Humbert:

I dunno, when's the best time to buy a bird?

Dolores:

When it's going, "Cheep"!

Don't say I never gave you anything.

Humbert:

Ow! Don't do that! I can't drive!

Don't do that!

Dolores:

Oh, no...

Humbert:

If it goes out the window, I'm not stopping.

Don't! What are these? Are these hair grips?

Dolores:

Look, they have "Magic Fingers."

Good.

Humbert:

I need to shower.

Dolores:

Gimme a quarter and a dime.

Humbert:

What for?

Dolores:

For the "Magic Fingers."

Humbert:

My magic fingers aren't enough?

Dolores:

(singing)"Amor... a-a-mor..."

This word so swe-eet, I repeat,

Means I adore yo-oo-ou..."

"Amo-o-or, amor, amo-o-or..."

Humbert:

Good shower...

First-rate temperature control.

Oh!

Lo!

Dolores:

Hm?

Humbert:

My God, Lo! Don't flush when I'm in here!

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