London Page #7

lt's an emptiness|within an emptiness...

...and you're left with|slightly less than nothing.

The person you were when you met|doesn't exist anymore. You're gone.

-So she left you?|-Syd, it's very f***ing complicated.

What happened?|Did you cheat on her?

-No, no. lt's irrelevant.|-lrrelevant? How is it irrelevant?

Besides money, infidelity's the most|relevant reason why people split up.

Yeah, yeah. True, true.

Come on, man.|l thought we were talking.

Let's talk, let's talk.|Why did your wife leave you?

Syd, it's not a pleasant scene|for me, please.

Oh, my scene's pleasant?

Mate, l've been 2 1 before.|l know your pain.

But where you're pushing me now|is not a place you wanna go.

Wait. Are you trying to say|that since you're older than me...

-...your pain is somehow more?|-That's the case.

Listen, first of all...

...you don't have the slightest clue|what pain l've been through.

Just since you're|a couple decades older...

...doesn't mean that your pain is more|than mine. lt doesn't.

Secondly, don't make|blind comparisons...

...when you have no f***ing clue|what you're comparing.

You think having your heart broken|is pain? You think losing God is pain?

Mate, l went through that trivial sh*t|when l was 20.

l'm 40 now, mate.

Where you're trying to push me now|is not a place you wanna go.

So why don't you do yourself a favor,|and don't f***ing go there with me.

You're a f***ing child.|You're just a kid.

A kid?

Listen, you pompous, limey f***...

...if you had one tenth my pain,|you'd be psychologically crippled.

Mate, seriously, f*** off.|All we're doing is projecting sh*t here.

Look, take a step back.|Let's relax, shall we?

-Do a bit of gear. Come on.|-F*** the gear. l don't want that sh*t.

-More for me.|-lt's Bateman, right?

-Nice to see your memory is still intact.|-Well, Bateman...

...let me give you a glimpse into|my life, insight into my f***ing pain.

-Mate, it's not necessary. Truly.|-No, it is necessary.

And if you didn't think it was,|you wouldn't have pushed my buttons.

But you did.|And if you don't wanna hear it...

...stop snorting my sh*t|and get the f*** out of the bathroom.

Technically, it's my sh*t,|but l can see you're passionate, so go.

So this f***er...

...this f***ing guy out in L.A.,|who my chick is now in love with...

...he's, you know, endowed.

-She told you that?|-Yeah. So l needed to know how big.

Not that l give a f***|about another guy's dick.

lt's one of those things|you feel like you need to know.

So we're in an argument,|and l was pushing her.

l was like, ''How big is he?''

She was like, ''Let's not make an issue|out of it.'' And l said, ''No, f*** that.''

And she says,|''Ten and a half inches.''

-Jesus.|-Yeah, you believe that sh*t?

She could have at least|rounded it down.

-The girl's trying to hurt you, mate.|-Yeah, no sh*t.

But it really f***ed with me, you know.|Knowing that this guy is in L.A...

...with the only woman l love,|f***ing her with 1 0 and a half inches.

l'm chasing her around like a puppy,|doing anything l can to get her back.

And it crushed me!|lt still f***ing crushes me!

Sorry, mate.

-How exactly do you deal with that?|-You don't deal with it.

lt deals with you.

God, it eats at you|and it eats at you, you know?

We'd get in these fights,|and l'd say the most horrible things.

l'd be like, ''You just want a fat cock|in your fat snatch, you f***ing whore.''

You know, l'd--|Just mean, horrible things.

l'd be so f***ing angry, you know?

l used to say the same sh*t, mate. l|used to say the most horrendous sh*t.

Why? What'd she do?

She didn't really do anything.

You know, l imagine that|a lot of it had to do with me.

A lot of it had to with my hang-ups|and depression and sh*t.

But, my God, l used to say the worst|sh*t to her. l tormented that girl.

l lived with her for three and a half|f***ing years and l hated her.

So, what was the final snap?

Did you cheat on her?|Did she cheat on you?

No, no. God, no.

-How do you know?|-Because l didn't, you know? l didn't.

-How do you know she didn't?|-l know she didn't. lt wasn't her thing.

How do you know?

l was with the most beautiful girl|in the universe.

She didn't f*** me|for two f***ing years!

-Why?|-l don't know.

Because we fought. l was in therapy.

l don't-- l don't-- Look, l don't know.

lf you wanna know it is, l'll tell you.

You remember sentences|that people say to you.

They stick in your mind like gunshot|wounds that never f***ing heal.

l remember what my ex-wife|said to me when we started dating.

She said, ''l love it when a guy|fucks me four, five times a night.''

-Four, five times a night?|-Yeah. Truly.

l was like, ''You was with some guy...

...who f***ed you|four, five times a night?''

-You wanna know what pain is?|-What?

-l'll tell you what pain is, you f***.|-Why you calling me a f***?

-l'll tell you what pain is, you f***.|-Why you calling me a f***?

Because, my friend,|you brought me here...

...and l didn't particularly|wanna go here, but now l am.

lf you don't wanna go|where l'm about to go...

...then tell me right now|and l'll walk out the door...

...l'll phone my therapist|and that will be it, okay?

No, f*** that, l wanna hear this.|You're not going anywhere.

-You wanna know what it is?|-Yes, l wanna know what it is.

Motherf***er, you wanna know|what it is? Pain, my friend...

...is when the woman you love|wants to f*** you...

...four, five times a night,|and you can't!

-Why?|-Why? Why?

l'll tell you why.|Because l'm an impotent man!

Motherf***er, that's pain!

That's f***ing pain!

When your wife wants|to f*** you four times a night...

...and you f***ing can't!

You know that some f***er|before you could.

And you know that some f***er|after you will!

Well, l couldn't|cope with that, could l?

That sense of ruination...

...that insolvency|that burns in your soul.

l couldn't f*** my wife!

Do know what|that f***ing means, mate?

Do you understand|what impotent rage really is?!

-l'm sorry.|-You have no f***ing idea, mate!

-l'm sorry.|-Oh, you're sorry?

Oh, you're sorry, are you?

You dare, you f***ing dare|ask me if there's a God?

Well, man, l feel forsaken.|l feel cheated, you c*nt!

l've lost in the big game,|and nothing else f***ing matters.

lt doesn't matter what you do.|lf you can't hack it in the sack, mate...

...if you can't hack it|in the game of love and sex...

...you are sh*t, my friend.

Because you can't do what the other|man can do to your f***ing wife, mate!

l know what you mean.

No, motherf***er,|you do not know what l mean!

You couldn't possibly know|what the f*** l mean!

l failed.

l f***ing failed, mate.

And l'm still failing|every f***ing day of my life!

Every day.

Every f***ing day.

You know....

Thought you were gonna|clock me for a minute.

l wasn't gonna hit you.|l'm projecting.

You should see my group therapy|sessions. They're f***ing psychotic.

Yeah, l'll bet.

Mate, do yourself a favor,|please, for me.

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