London Page #6

You just-- You blanket people with|your pseudo-intellectual bullshit...

...and then they can't f***ing breathe.|You just suffocate people.

You don't talk to people.|You talk at them.

At least l talk about real sh*t.|We've been going out for two years.

What's the most intelligent|conversation we've had?

How many grams of fat|are in a slice of vegetarian pizza?

-F*** you! You're so annoying.|-No, f*** you, London!

You are more annoying than me.

You get away with it|because no one listens.

They stare at your tits,|thinking of ways to f*** you.

l can't f***ing believe that l ever fell|in love with a f***ing a**hole like you!

-You're such a f***ing a**hole!|-Stop!

-l f***ing hate you!|-London. Take it easy.

Stop, stop, stop.

Stop. Stop.

Stop.

Baby. Come on, now.

l'm not gonna get her back, am l?

l don't know.

Why don't you go talk to her.

Are you leaving?

l'm getting really claustrophobic.|l need to get some air.

-l'm not freaking you out, am l?|-No, l'm so high right now.

l need a drink.

-Here, let me give you some of this.|-Can you bring that purse over?

-Yeah, of course.|-Thanks.

Here.

-Oh, thanks, man.|-Here, this is for you.

-That's way too much.|-No, please, take it.

-You sure?|-Yeah.

Thanks, man. That's really sweet.

So you--? Do you wanna|come out there or what?

Yeah, l'll be out there in a minute.|l'm gonna...

-...just hang here for a minute or two.|-All right.

See you out there, okay?

You gotta come out.

Hello, girls. What's your name?

We're at a party, come on.|What are you reading a book for?

Fancy a smoke in the little room?

We're reading, actually,|about robopathology.

Complicated little thing, aren't you?

l was gonna leave,|then l had to make a beeline to you.

Like l feel l know you|or something like that.

On a one-to-ten scale...

...you're a four. ln dim light.

One lantern so l wouldn't have to|see your heinous, disfigured face.

You are absolutely--|You're beautiful.

l have to go.|That's my chopper. But before l do--

-lt's picking you up?|-Yeah.

l invented this move:

She likes me. She's laughing.

-How old are you?|-Eighteen.

Eighteen.

Let me just get another drink now.

Stop. l'm not hitting on you.

-l like your shoes.|-You do?

-Excuse me. Hey, girl, l'm out of here.|-Already?

-l'm gonna miss you.|-l'm gonna miss you too.

-Thank you so much for coming.|-You're welcome.

-Don't get shallow on me.|-l promise. Are you kidding me?

-l'm sorry. l'll see you later.|-Nice to meet you.

Call us when you get home.|Let us know you're okay.

All right, all right, all right, come on.

Come on, Syd.

You gotta mellow out.|You gotta mellow out.

You need a beer.|You need a bottle.

Okay.

Stop doing blow.|You gotta stop doing coke.

Don't grind your teeth. lf she sees|you grind your teeth, you're f***ed.

Come on, Syd.|Mellow out, mellow out.

Be a man. Be a man.

There. Get a drink.|Go out there, get a drink.

What's the worst that can happen?|What's the worst that can happen?

l can see London. So what?

F***. F***.

Okay. You f*** up tonight, it's over.

Okay.

Come on.

You know l do.

Well, if you do, if you love me,|why don't you just say it?

Why can't you just f***ing say it?|Why is it so impossible for you?

lt's-- lt's three words.

lt's-- L-O-V-E Y--|lt's eight f***ing letters.

You can't say eight f***ing letters?

lt's not a lot of letters.

Say it.

Tell me you were not doing|cocaine in my parents' bathroom.

-What are you talking about?|-Don't ''what are you talking about'' me.

-l saw you go upstairs.|-Yeah, l went to the f***ing bathroom.

-Really?|-Yeah, l had to pee.

Well, swear to God|you're not doing cocaine.

Who the f*** is Bateman?

That's his friend or some sh*t.|l don't know.

He's hot.

l think l want to have|hot coke sex with him.

You f***ing did cocaine!|Don't f*** with me. Are you?

Yeah, man, he's hot.|l like guys with accents.

Oh, my God.

l gotta go.

-So l met your girl, mate.|-What do you mean, you met her?

Mallory, she introduced us.

l didn't say l knew you.|l didn't wanna blow your cover.

But, my God,|she is painfully gorgeous.

Yeah, no sh*t.

l'd go out there|and speak to her immediately.

l can't go out there like this.|l'm not thinking right.

lf she knows l'm on blow,|she won't even talk to me.

F***! How do l look?|Do l look like l'm on blow?

-No, you're fine.|-No, look at me. Look at my eyes.

A bit, yeah.

Come on. Drink some more booze.|You'll be fine.

What was l thinking,|getting these tonight? So stupid, Syd.

l just wanted to clear my head out.|Try and think a little bit clearer.

Now l'm so f***ing spun|l can't even think straight.

-F***.|-Happens, mate.

l've never been particularly social|on this sh*t, anyway.

lt's a lonely, lonely drug.

This is f***ing crazy.

l should bail. l can't do this.

-Should l bail?|-You could.

-l think you'd regret it.|-Why? Why do you say that?

Personally, l'd rather|regret something l'd done...

...than something|l was too afraid to do.

No sh*t.

But l haven't talked to this girl|in two f***ing months.

Everybody here hates me.|These are all her friends.

lf l go out there, it is gonna get|f***ing ugly. F***ing ugly.

You'd think they'd have something to|take the edge off a chick leaving you.

That'd be nice.|Look, they have this theory.

Maybe it'll help. l don't know.

F*** knows where it comes from.|The broad strokes of it are...

...that it takes a third of the time...

...to recover from a relationship|as the relationship was long.

So, for example,|if the relationship lasted a year...

...you'll be good in four months.

-Two years, you'll be clean in eight.|-lt's not a third, it's a half.

-Mate, it's a third. Trust me.|-No, mate, it's a half.

Maybe in England it's a third.|ln America it's a half.

l dated her for two years. lt's been|six months and it's getting worse.

Six months? Come on.|What are you complaining about?

You've got two months to go.

Good behavior, maybe a month.

Bro, l appreciate the pep talk...

...but if you haven't noticed,|l'm trying to get this girl back.

Look, l don't know if first love|applies to that theory, anyway.

lt's been years, l still have these|horribly lucid dreams about Helen.

lt's almost like your brain is trying|to compensate for the absence.

You know, you think you're|still married, you're still in love...

...life's just beautiful.

All of a sudden, you wake up, look|over and she's been gone for years.

-F***ing horrendous.|-Yeah, no sh*t.

So you were married before?

How long ago?

Divorced three years ago.

-Who divorced who?|-lt's not that simple.

Well, what happened?|Why did you guys split?

-Long story, mate.|-Give me the abridged version.

''The abridged version.''|Look, l don't know.

The relationship just didn't work|on so many levels.

We both had one foot out the door|for two years...

...of our two-and-a-half-year|marriage.

You know, but it's weird. You know,|when they tell you they're leaving...

...it's like you don't even|feel the hollowness.

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