London Boulevard Page #3

you f***ing understand me?

Calm down, Mitch. I've been asked.

I asked you. I got me answer. Done.

- What?

- Burial plot.

Courtesy of a mate

you never knew you had.

Same one who wants

the paintings and the cars?

Bury your friend. Or not. Or not.

Up to you.

- Any last words?

- Yeah.

We're all f***ed.

Where'd you get the dog?

A lady had him tied to some railings.

- Where'd you get the Scotsman?

- Outside Marks and Spencer.

- Who's paying him?

- I am.

With what?

I gave him a wank

while pretending to be his mum.

- F*** sake, Briony. Shh.

- It's common in Scotland.

- Did he tell you that?

- No, I just know it.

Come on.

Well...

If you're a real doctor, do you

do, like, plastic surgery and stuff?

- Plastic surgery?

- I'd quite like my chin done. Ooh!

That's like a bit of a dance.

Do you dance?

Can't dance with this hat.

Is it terrible to say

that I'm enjoying myself?

No, it's essential that

you enjoy yourself.

My wife was a very shrewish woman.

I told her finally,

"I love you, but I want to enjoy my life."

She was more outraged by that

than anything I'd ever said to her.

I am divorced.

I would like to see your sister, Mitchel,

with your permission.

Sanji, it's a free country.

And you're a good man, but she's...

I don't mind if she's got problems.

Will you let me try?

There we go.

I read a lot in prison, Sanji.

There was a poet named Rilke.

He's got a line.

"Everything terrible

is something that needs our love."

- And that over there is terrible.

- No.

But it doesn't want your love.

It wants your f***ing PIN number.

You're a good man, Sanji,

no good will come of it.

Saving people. Being a saint.

And they just buried one, didn't they?

Will you see her home?

That's what I was talking about.

- Tell her not to pay the piper.

- Oh, no, no, no.

I'll take care of it. It'll be my pleasure.

- How many kids have you got?

- I don't know. Three.

There's a lot you don't know,

you f***ing jaffa.

- All right.

- Hi, there.

How was it up the 'Ville?

Better to be out.

Got a favour to ask.

Ask and you shall receive, my son.

Two kids up Kennington Estates

did a Big Issue seller.

Lit him on fire?

Rite of passage.

Rite of passage?

So is that.

Calm down.

- I'll ask around.

- You do that.

One of them's a football player.

Scouted.

Everyone knows who did this.

Someone had better bring me

a f***ing name. Someone had better.

F***.

- How many in a baker's dozen?

- 13.

Thirteen.

Did you have an accident?

A strenuous workout, Jordan.

Are you fit for work?

Work is what you do when you'd

rather be doing something else, right?

Always has been for me.

I get them from Hong Kong.

Not personally.

How did you become a criminal,

since you're not a big oink

with a missing chromosome?

Do you want the real answer?

Well, I was thinking

about something else.

And what were you thinking about

when you were thinking

about something else?

Whatever it was, I wasn't

thinking about it clearly enough.

We used to have parties.

My husband's half-sister's stepfather

had a daughter by his previous...

God, no,

I think it was his second previous.

Strapping girl with big teeth

and dyslexia.

She got married here under an awning.

So did I. It's the Cape Canaveral

with shitty marriages.

Well, it's the garden for it.

So what was it like in prison?

The truth is, it was embarrassing.

Hmm.

There's something

to say about those roses,

but I can't think what it would be.

- Well...

- No, I don't want a plan for them.

They're beyond f***ed.

Now, you'd better go inside.

- They're on the roof. They're up there.

- Sh*t!

Up here, for f***'s sake!

Show us something!

One day I wondered

what a shot of me dead would be worth.

They pay big for morgue photos.

Charlotte, you filthy slag!

Is that your new f*** buddy, Charlotte?

What are you running away for?

Charlotte, suck his cock!

I went to RADA.

Have I seen you in anything, Jordan?

Well, I was on a kids' show.

Then I was on methadone.

Then I was a producer.

Seriously.

Listen, Jordan, I think you should

consider a bit more security.

Burglar lights. Basically everywhere.

And the house isn't wired all that well.

You'd be the expert.

I'll leave you to it, all right.

Let's go inside.

Yeah.

How you finding the place?

You comfortable?

No, I'm talking to someone else.

Well, don't hurt him hurt him.

F***ing hurt him.

Yeah. What is it with you?

Yeah. Bye, bye, bye, bye.

Bunch of f***ing morons.

These people drive you f***ing crazy.

C*nts.

Warm, isn't it?

You haven't got a mobile, have you?

Get him a mobile.

One with an answering machine

so we can keep in touch.

Do you read books?

- Yeah.

- Ah, just finished reading a book.

The jury's still out whether we're

noble savages or just f***ing savages.

All them years on an inquiry,

they still don't f***ing know.

What do you think?

Some were noble, some were savages.

Uh-huh.

F***ing savages.

That was good

what you done in Brixton.

Took a lot of heart to stand up

half a dozen mechanical Islamics.

F*** me.

Who knows what them c*nts get up to.

There was four of them.

- Yeah.

- What it took was stupidity.

This c*nt...

What is this c*nt doing?

No, no, no.

That's not stupidity, you see.

No. Stupidity runs away like a c*nt,

and then a bigger c*nt,

he comes back to me

and tells me that he f***ing run away.

See, a man like you,

you send a message.

What? That I can take a beating?

I'm only alive

because they saw me hit Billy.

Yeah, well.

They were very decent Zulus.

Decent no more.

- They don't know who's behind Billy.

- Right.

You have to be very careful about that,

you see?

C*nts like Billy, they've always got

someone behind them. Am I right?

I mean even a spade who's just

come out of a f***ing tree.

You can never imagine

some c*nt like that was in charge.

Can you f***ing imagine it?

Yeah, well, I'm gonna put you in charge

of a high rise in Peckham.

Need a bit of discipline there, you know,

been one or two boom-boom incidents.

The natives are restless

and all out of bollocks.

I see. I'm very honored.

But I'm still learning the ropes.

That's old Navy talk.

In case you don't quite understand

what that means,

it means you have to learn the ropes

before you become an able seaman.

- You understand that?

- Specialized business, isn't it?

- Hmm.

- So I think I should hold off.

Well, if you want to tag along

with that c*nt a little bit longer,

then that's up to you.

Oh, f*** me.

Bit early for that.

Oh, I got a little surprise

for you Thursday night.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

He'll pick you up. If he's still about.

Good night, sweetheart.

She in there or what?

You giving her one?

Yeah, you're a guy working.

We're just guys working, too!

- Is she in there?

- She's not here.

Oh, come on,

she must be in there, yeah?

Who's giving her one?

You must know who's giving her one.

Give us something, mate,

I've got kids to feed.

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