Lonesome Jim Page #2

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What happened?

Hit a tree.

I'd hate to see the tree.

I bet you were hoping

never to see me again.

What? No, of course not.

What are you doing later?

I'm busy.

Okay.

I'm free Saturday.

Okay. Saturday.

Do you want my number?

You already gave it to me.

You still have it?

Yeah. What is it, again?

I call you

Whenever you pee,

you just got to turn it off

and hold it in every couple of seconds.

Like a faucet. You pee in spurts.

What's that do?

Teaches it control. You know,

the dick is kind of like a dog.

Can't do anymore

than what you teach it.

My cocker spaniel can last a full ten

minutes before spooging down the hole

Ten minutes?

Ain't no girl need longer than that

to get her scream on.

Do you have a girlfriend, Evil?

Nah, I get hookers. Cheaper.

Want a snack?

No thanks.

How you like the weed?

It's strong.

Yeah, I put a little crack in it.

Hey, come check this out.

What?

They're dead animal skulls.

Hey. Will you open a checking

account for me?

What? / A checking account.

Oh man, I have been banned

from banks for like the next 7 years,

and there is a guy down state willing

to sell me a human skull,

but he says all I have

to do is send him a check.

Well, how would it work?

You open an account with my money

and then write the check for me.

Why would I want to do that?

I'd let you write some for yourself.

Make up for all those birthdays

and graduations I missed.

There's four grand in there.

Thanks man. Hey, make sure when

they give you those checkbooks

you don't get the kind

with kittens or seashells on them.

Okay.

I just hate those things. Really

pisses me off. They are tacky.

I said okay.

Why do you pee like that, Jimmy?

Get out of here.

Is something wrong with your

urinary tract?

What? No. Just get out of here.

Oh, Jimmy, I was wondering

if you might watch the girls

while I do some grocery shopping.

I'm sorry,

I sort of have something to do.

Well, okay. That's okay.

You always left Tim and me alone.

Can I borrow the van?

Of course, Honey.

You can just drop me off at the store.

Oh, well, I'm not really

going that way...

Never mind.

I could take you

to the end of the way.

Oh, no. I'lljust walk.

It'll be good for me.

Thanks, Mom.

You need any money?

Oh. No. Actually, I'm good.

Hey there.

Are you our date?

Mom takes me on

all her first dates.

Your mother and I already

had a first date.

When?

Last week.

The night she was out until three

in the morning?

Ready?

Why is there a bed set up back here?

Do you live in this van?

Benjamin.

No, I don't live in this van.

Wine coolers? Really?

What?

Mom's a whiskey woman.

So, where are we going?

Where would you like to go?

There's ice skating at the

Glenbrook mall.

No.

I know somewhere better.

Girls, I'd like you to meet a

friend of mine.

This is Ben.

I thought maybe you might want to

show him the trampoline out back.

You have a trampoline?

No, but our neighbors do.

Take him girls.

It's freezing outside.

Wear your coats.

You live with your parents?

Just temporarily. I'm leaving soon

as my brother recovers.

Yeah. I sort of came back

to have a nervous breakdown

but the bastard beat me to it.

What's wrong with you?

Chronic despair.

Hey, what are you kids doing?

Jumping.

Well, who told you, you could jump

on our trampoline?

Jim.

He's my uncle.

Well, tell your Uncle Jim that he

needs to ask me before...

He's not my uncle.

I hardly know him.

He's on a date

with my mother right now.

He took Mom up to his room...

Okay, okay. That's fine.

Just ask next time.

Where's Benjamin's dad?

He's around. He sees Ben every once

a month or so, if he remembers.

And he doesn't have a

problem with you dating?

Oh, no. He's incredibly jealous.

Who are all these people?

They're all writers.

Oh yeah?

That's Virginia Woolf.

Underneath her is Richard Yates,

he's one of my favorites.

What'd he write?

Sad stories about sad people with

pathetic dreams.

When he died almost all of his

books were out of a print.

That's weird.

Then of course there's Poe

and Plath and Buroughs.

Thats a writer named

Breece D Pancake.

Next to him is Beckett.

Then Dorothy Parker.

The big one is Hemingway.

Oh yeah, I read him in high school.

He's good.

What did you like about him?

I think he had a boner

for what he did, you know?

Yeah.

His stories weren't as stuffy and

made up as others. They were realer.

He was a realist.

Maybe that's why.

He shot himself in the head.

Geez.

So did Pancake. That one

threw himself off a bridge.

She put her head in an oven.

And that one, that one and

that one all drank themselves to death.

Is Benjamin's dad going to

try and hurt me?

You? No.

I thought you said he was

insanely jealous?

He wouldn't be jealous of you.

Why not?

He just wouldn't.

Besides, we're not dating.

We're not?

Hey could you guys...

could you uh...

Do you have any board games?

Oh god.

I brought you some snacks.

Thanks. Did you bring

any of those Funions?

No is that what you wanted, Honey?

But I do have some pork rinds.

How you feeling, Tim?

Shitty.

You're lucky to be alive, boy.

I called the girls' mother.

They should be here soon.

How are they?

Oh, they're good.

I told them to make sure

and pray for you every night before

they went to bed.

You had to tell them?

Honey, you know what I mean.

Jesus Christ, Tim.

Donald, he just woke up from a coma.

And why was he in a

coma in the first place?

He had an accident.

Is that what happened?

Did he have an accident?

Yeah, I lived.

Don't say that.

Don't you dare ever say that.

You're mom's baby. You're my big baby.

Oh, God.

I'm going to get a drink of water.

You want anything?

Nah.

Oh. Hey. I was just looking for you.

Really?

Yeah.

Because you smell like you were

just smoking.

Where's mom and dad?

I asked them to leave.

Oh, well how am

I supposed to get home?

I don't know.

We didn't talk about it.

I got to get back to work.

It was nice meeting you, Tim.

Please don't hesitate to ring

me if you need something.

You either, liar.

See you.

She's hot.

You think?

Yeah. You have sex with her?

Um, yeah.

That's awesome.

Thanks.

I meant for me.

It means she has no standards.

Bet she'd do it with me too.

Daddy!

Girls.

Where's your mother?

She's waiting downstairs.

Everything okay, Jim?

Yeah, I was just writing.

You see your brother tonight?

He's looking better, don't you think?

Yeah.

I love talking to you, Jimmy.

How was work for you?

Good.

I know you'd rather not be there...

It's okay.

Your brother always

refused to work for us...

Really?

Jim. What did we do to make you

kids so unhappy?

I don't know.

But what do you think? Be honest.

Your such a smart,

sensitive boy, Jimmy.

I know you must have some opinion.

I don't know, Mom. Maybe some

people just shouldn't be parents.

I mean, it's just a thought.

Look...

No, I'm alright. Just tired.

Good night, pretty boy.

Good night.

Look cold, want a ride?

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