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and then...

You don't need to explain.

Yeah, but I left--

I left so suddenly

without much

of an explanation.

You did

what you had to do.

I did.

So, don't sweat it.

All right.

So what's it like

being back home

so close to your folks?

Well, I'm near home.

I'm not at home,

and that, uh,

50-minute car ride

makes all the difference.

Ah.

But, uh...

It's been pretty positive.

I never thought that

I could actually be there

and be myself,

so that feels like progress.

Well, that's good.

Yeah.

And how's your mom?

She's all right.

It's probably helpful

that I was there

and only semi-judgmental

about her choice

to drop my dad.

Mm.

How are you

about the divorce?

Me?

Yeah.

I'm 30.

(chuckles)

I don't think

that matters.

You know, she actually

dumped the guy

that she left my dad for,

Oh, my God.

and now she's having sex

with her therapist,

Dr. Sapperstein.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

She really likes making

a f***ing mess of things.

But then, uh...

like mother like son,

I guess.

I'm saying nothing.

(chuckles)

So, I...

I finally followed

your advice and tried

to work things out

with my dad.

Good.

Yeah, it turns out

that advice totally sucked.

Oh, sh*t. Really?

Yeah.

I tried to honor the fact

that he would never be

completely happy

with who I am

and try to find

a common ground, but...

There was none?

Turns out he is

a raging homophobe.

(sighs)

It's like him trying

to understand me

undermines everything

he thinks about himself, so...

Oh, God.

Do you think

he'll ever come around?

He's a proud f***er,

so probably not.

Well, if I'm like

my mom, then...

(chuckles)

Shut up.

(chuckles)

But Brady has been really cool

about the whole thing.

He's been, um,

super supportive,

so that's helped.

Good.

What about

the barber truck?

I've been hearing

amazing things.

That's going really well.

And you don't miss Willy's?

Yeah, but it's also good

to be doing my own thing.

Actually, Agustn did

a really great job

with the paint work on it.

He's really good.

I can just picture you

cruising down Valencia

luring people

into your truck

for a fade.

Mm.

It's kind of perfect.

Sometimes

I want to drive to Reno

and start doing perms

in some casino parking lot.

What?

Just to do something

different, you know?

Oh, my God,

that would be, like,

the best reality show ever.

Or maybe the worst.

It's basically the same thing.

(both chuckle)

You should come by

sometime.

See me in action.

Yeah, I'd like that.

And if not,

you know, this trip,

then the next one

for sure.

Paddy! Hi!

Hi.

There they are.

Hey.

We thought we'd lost you.

I know. It's this bag.

Agustn has totally

convinced me

I'm pro-marriage now, sorry.

Traitor.

Yeah, you f***ing traitor.

Wanna get married?

Right now?

Mm, maybe not

right now.

Come on!

Come on, babe.

You all right?

I'm good.

Good.

How are you feeling?

I'm good.

I'm a little tired.

You gonna sing?

Yeah!

Oh, good.

What are you gonna sing?

What are we gonna

sing together?

(laughter)

Let's do this.

All right.

I love that you've chosen

all of our old haunts.

Yeah, I felt like

I needed to return

to the scenes of my crimes,

like, one more time.

You're not dying.

I know, but this whole

"getting married" thing

is making me feel all...

I don't think that

the air quotes are necessary.

...nostalgic!

Oh, sh*t!

Bride to be.

(chuckles)

You made it!

Come on, of course.

Ooh! Ms. Murray!

Hello!

Hello!

Oh, yes!

Oh, my!

How's it going?

Yeah, good.

You what, you took

the Concorde in from Paris,

n'est-ce pas?

Mais oui. Yes.

It's so good to see you.

What a surprise.

What are you ladies drinking?

I'm buying.

Something cheap

and strong.

Yeah, that's like you.

Like? Oh, okay, all right.

I'm kidding.

I'll take it.

I'm kidding.

(laughs)

Whoa. So you guys

are friends now?

Like, actual friends?

Yeah.

Who reached out to who?

Well, I felt like I needed

to close that chapter

before I opened

the new one, so yeah,

I called him up.

I thought I told you.

No, it's great.

I mean, he's always

been a good guy.

Yeah, you know,

and just because

it didn't work out

doesn't mean it couldn't

turn into something new.

Plus, Eddie's cool with it.

Of course he is.

He's the best.

He's the best.

Look, uh, B-T-dubs,

you and I are singing too.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Yeah.

No, come on

for old time's sake.

No, no, no.

Please!

I love you,

but bad things happen

when I get

behind a microphone.

No, no, bad-ass things happen!

No!

Please?

Both:

This time might be

the last, I fear

Unless I...

Oh, my God!

(laughter)

Why isn't he making

eye contact with me?

He should be

looking at me.

Dom:
I can't handle this.

Sing to me!

Wait, wait. I remember,

I remember, I remember.

I think-- I think

his exact words were

"I'd rather seal up

my butt-hole and never suck

another cock again

rather than get married."

"I can't believe

that gay people are

"so f***ing desperate

to be straight.

They shouldn't be

called "gay" anymore."

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Did I really sound

that annoying?

Yes.

Brady:
I want

that Agustn back.

Nah, trust me you don't.

He was a total c*nt.

Ooh, I miss-- I miss

the cunty Agustn.

He was so fun

at parties and stuff.

You've become

one of those gay guys

you've always hated.

Soon you'll be adopting babies

and going on family cruises

with all the other

Stepford homos.

Hey, leave him alone.

Yeah, yeah. Don't listen

to them, Agustn.

I think that what

you're doing is amazing.

It's okay, Paddy.

I can take it.

You know I'm kidding.

You know I'm messing

around with you.

I'm thrilled for you

and I think-- I think that,

Thank you.

uh, Eddie is a shining light

of awesomeness in your life,

and you're doing it

for the right reasons...

so what's there not to love?

Thank you, Frank.

Aw, that was beautiful.

Just don't f***

it up, all right?

Yeah, like, stay away

from RentBoys for starters.

(laughter)

Okay...

I know that I said I wouldn't,

but f*** it, let's do this.

We're gonna sing?

Yes, we're gonna sing!

Can I finally be Dusty?

Yes, you can!

Oh, my God, let's do it!

Let's do this!

Dom:

"I will never suck

a cock again."

Frank:

That's my advice. Stay away

from RentBoys. Right?

Agustn:

This was actually

the first club me and Paddy

ever came to in the city.

Yes.

That's also where

me and Paddy hooked up.

True.

Ha. Yes, it was.

Ooh, hold on a second.

Muscle Mary

and Goody Two-Shoes?

Get the f*** outta here,

there's no way.

"Goody Two-Shoes"?

Really?

I didn't know

you guys hooked up.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, yes, but it was

a long time ago.

and we do not need

to go back there.

Uh, yeah, we do.

No, we do not!

Come on.

All:

Story, story, story!

Uh, once upon a time,

there was a pretty princess

called Paddy.

He was all by himself,

poor lonely baby.

Totally wasted and dancing

to Britney, remember?

Yeah. Mm-hmm. I do.

And I'm assuming we've all

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