Looney Tunes: Back in Action Page #2

The force field-penetrating apple.

Just feel free to continue

your delusional ranting...

while I answer my...

Remote?

Hello?

- Son?

- Dad?

What are you doing in the painting?

I wanted to keep you out of this,

but there's no one else I can trust.

Can you hold on a second?

Are you shooting a movie or something?

A new Damian Drake movie? Cool.

Come to Las Vegas.

Ask Dusty Tails for the Blue Monkey.

The Blue Monkey? What's a Blue Monkey?

A diamond. A very special diamond.

Find Dusty Tails.

Dad, you need me

to call the police or something?

- No police.

- Dad, are you all right?

I'm sorry I never told you this before,

but I...

- Dad?

- Diamond? I'm rich!

- I've joined the leisure class.

- I gotta go save my dad.

Your dad, yeah.

So count me in. A spy caper.

Double agents, exploding bikinis,

tigers hanging from helicopters!

I'm through with show biz!

From now on,

I'm gonna live the adventure.

- Next stop, Las Vegas.

- I'll take my dad's old car.

- A super spy car. Let's ride.

- This isn't a spy car.

Your dad is a spy. Ipso ergo, a spy car.

I used to deliver pizzas in this car.

Secret pizzas?

A spy pie, maybe?

Fine, be that way.

But it's definitely a spy car!

A little help here?

Ducks.

You know how I know it's a spy car?

Because it looks

absolutely nothing like a spy car.

I don't think this routine

is gonna work without Daffy, but...

action.

Say your prayers, rabbit.

It's rabbit season.

- Duck season.

- Rabbit season.

- Rabbit season.

- Wait a minute.

See, I told you

this wasn't gonna work without--

Pain. Agony!

You're fired.

What?

- But you--

- You got rid of our best duck.

You can't fire me.

My films have made $950 million!

- That's not a billion.

- Nope. Not a billion.

Okay.

All right.

I think we can all agree that the decision

to get rid of Daffy was a poor one.

But it's time to move on.

And by move on, I mean reversing course

and getting Daffy back.

By Monday.

I will have Daffy back on Monday.

That went well.

Listen, doll face, if I know Daffy,

he's already hit the road by now.

It's good to stretch.

I'm getting tired

of throwing you out of the car.

That's my plan in a nutshell.

Now, listen, if we run into anything

that requires super spy skills...

like cracking wise, smooching dames,

you better leave that to me.

However, if we have

any security guarding needs...

Very funny, duck. I'm not a security guard.

For your information, it's just a job.

It's what I do for money.

What I really do is...

I'm a stuntman.

- You? A stuntman? Please.

- I am!

Did you see those Mummy movies?

I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is.

No, he couldn't stand that.

One day he decides that, "No!

The Bren-master does all his own stunts!"

Listen, muscles, if this heap ever makes it

to Vegas, I'll do all the stunts.

Duck here.

- Daffy, old chum, how the heck--

- Cram it down your rabbit hole.

I think I can get you your old job back

with less of a pay cut than usual.

So not interested.

I'm off to Las Vegas

with my new sidekick D.J...

to match wits with spies and showgirls.

It's a little adventure I call:

"Daffy Duck's Quest for the Blue Monkey."

And you're not in it.

Blue Monkey?

Blue Monkey?

It's a little adventure I call. ;

"Daffy Duck's Quest for the Blue Monkey."

This is unacceptable!

We cannot have 9-year-olds working

in sweatshops making Acme sneakers...

not when 3-year-olds

work for so much less.

But, sir, they require naps.

Put double espresso in their sippy cups.

What's next on the agenda?

Where's my people? What's coming up?

What's the next thing?

Thank you, Bob.

Grave news, my friends.

Direct your attention to the video screen.

Cable, input, VCR, satellite.

Input, satellite, tape, menu, rewind...

power, on.

It seems that Damian Drake's son

knows about the Blue Monkey...

and he is on his way to Las Vegas.

He must not find the location

of the diamond before we do.

How is the interrogation going?

He's about ready to crack, boss!

Cable, input, VCR and satellite, off.

We cannot let the good guys

win this time, people.

We must capture this son of a spy...

and we must locate the diamond...

and use its powers

for our own diabolical ends!

- Copy that to all departments.

- I didn't quite get that.

Didn't quite...

Something about

capturing the son of a spy...

and using the diamond's power

for our diabolical ends.

Be sure and use the laugh.

I like the laugh. Don't you?

- And what is your name?

- Mary.

Well, Mary...

how'd you like to do a little kissing later?

That's what they all say at first.

Soon the ACME Corporation

will tower over all of creation!

All of creation!

Wait a minute.

- Yes?

- What about the duck?

Extra crispy.

Hello?

D.J., I'm not here to fire you again.

I just want to know

if that duck told you where he was going.

- Doesn't anyone knock anymore?

- Why are you torturing me?

What have I ever done that...

Great.

I just fired the son of our biggest star.

This has been a career-making day, Kate.

First you get rid of the duck

that everybody hates...

but then, of course,

they all want him back.

And worst of all,

you get into a big fight with Bugs Bunny...

who you revere and who you've tried

to model your life after.

I hate to see a grown man cry.

Especially when it's a girl.

Listen, toots,

would it stop the waterworks...

if I told you Daffy was going to Las Vegas

with that guy D.J.?

It might.

Well, then,

how's about we travel in style in this?

Las Vegas, Jeeves.

Taking you to Las Vegas.

You've got no music in your soul, sister.

I am aware of that, yes.

He sure went for all the extras.

What a maroon.

Don't touch anything.

This is Damian Drake's car--

- Let's see.

- No!

What does this one do?

Shaken, not stirred, sir.

It's 5:
00 somewhere.

- If you touch one more thing--

- I'm about to defy you.

- Now you done it.

- Arms at your side, please.

Formalwear activated.

You clean up nice, kid.

No!

Las Vegas!

Smell that, D.J.?

That's the sweet aroma

of money, glamour...

and busload upon busload

of senior citizens.

Cool it, duck. This could be dangerous.

Right, we find Dusty Tails,

save your dad, get the diamond...

apply kung fu liberally as needed.

Under no circumstances are you to allow...

the young Mr. Drake and his duck cohort

out of the casino in one piece.

- Is that clear?

- Okay.

You want the varmints

and what they come for.

I got you. But what's in it for old Sam?

I got you.

Did you know that Dusty Tails sang the

theme song to six Damian Drake movies?

I know. He's my father.

- Your dad is Damian Drake?

- Yes!

I'm kidding, relax. We did that.

I say, listen up, y'all.

Please put your greasy,

buffet-shoveling hands together...

for our next act.

If you've heard her before,

you're not here now.

So, I say, let me introduce you...

to Miss Dusty Tails.

Dusty!

Can I talk to you?

What the...

What?

Dusty, I gotta talk to you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes