Looney Tunes: Back in Action Page #3

- I'm Damian Drake's son, D.J.

- What?

How do I know it's you?

You are Damian's son.

Is there someplace we can talk?

- Excuse me, I have to change.

- Okay, toots, hand over the diamond.

- He brought a goose?

- It's duck, thank you.

- Hi.

- You again.

Listen up, you darn imbeciles!

We gotta get them varmints

and what they come for!

- And then we blast them?

- Then we blast them.

Now if I were a giant diamond,

where would I be?

Well, not there.

- My dad's in trouble...

- Not here.

...and he said that

I should ask you about the Blue Monkey.

- So then you know?

- Definitely. Yes.

I figured something must have happened

when he didn't show up.

I'm sorry,

but that's what comes with being a spy.

So, you're a spy, too?

The pop diva thing?

That's just one side of me.

I also work for the Agency.

Professional assassin.

It's really hard

trying to juggle the two sometimes.

I don't know what I'll do when I have kids.

Do you know how hard it is to find a nanny

with advance weapons training?

How many galoshes died

to make that little number?

What about this Blue Monkey?

Your father was assigned to track it down

before the chairman could.

The diamond has supernatural powers.

It would be a disaster

if it fell into the wrong hands.

I was supposed to give him this.

This is not a king-sized diamond.

This is a queen of diamonds.

What kind of sick joke is this?

- Can I have that?

- Very funny.

That is so sweet.

You trying to take over for your father.

These evil forces? They're bad people.

Relax, sister. I don't know

the meaning of the word "fear."

Say your prayers, duck!

Fear:
Noun. A state of terror.

Incoming!

This mission

needs years of experience and training.

Maybe. I ain't got time for that right now.

I gotta go save my dad.

Don't lose that card. It's important.

After him, boys!

Easy on the feathers.

Come back here, you card-carrying coyote!

Dadburn slapstick clich!

Faster! Climb like my life depended on it.

You run, I'll steer.

Right! I mean, left. Your other left.

That's what I'm talking about!

Is that all you got?

That's gonna leave a mark.

That's not boxing. Bite his ear!

Left and a right and a left and a right-left!

I'm gonna come up on you.

I'll take that playing card.

- After it, stunt boy.

- Man.

Jump!

All right, when I say,

place your bets, gentlemen.

Money plays, loser stays.

Everyone's a... Not everyone.

Here's my money. Now play.

- Card, sir?

- Hit me.

Don't you want to

look at your cards first, son?

Boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.

- Hit me.

- No, hit me first!

I said await your turn, sir.

Hit me.

No, hit me, fragnabbit!

- He's the boss.

- You son of a--

Card, sir?

Hit me.

Twenty-one, a winner!

Let's go!

"And then they made their heroic escape!"

I say we do Cirque du Soleil

and call it a night.

How about the Liberace Museum?

All right, let's see what this baby

can really do.

Now, that's an interesting feature.

Come back, you absconders!

Watch yourself, ma'am.

I love this rug.

- Come back here, you varmints!

- Run. Move. Go.

Nice car.

Don't hit me.

It's a modified Chevrolet

with a big 24 on the side.

Out of the way, fancy boy.

I'm a-commandeering this here clown car.

After them, boys!

Shotgun!

Rag-flagging ragtag sidekicks!

Slow down, will you? I'm waddling here.

Come back, you darn idiot galoots!

There's gotta be 314 hotels

and 142 casinos in Las Vegas.

We are never going to find that duck.

Daff never misses a cue.

- What's up, duck?

- Don't you start with me.

Excuse me.

You!

- You.

- Him.

- Her.

- Them!

Out of my way!

Dagnabbit!

- You are in big trouble, mister.

- Agreed!

Out!

What are you doing, kidnapping me?

Stop the car.

This is my adventure, bub.

Coming through.

What brings you to Las Vegas?

You ran out of people to fire in L.A.?

You stole my duck.

- Your duck? I belong to the world.

- You know what? You can have him.

Dynamite? Who has dynamite?

Welcome to my world.

Hang on.

Throw it out the window. Throw it out!

- But innocent people could be hurt.

- Throw it out the window!

It will send the wrong message

to children.

Didn't he used to be behind us?

We're having duck tonight, boys.

Just a suggestion, but all those in favor

of not hitting that wall say "aye."

- Aye!

- Mother.

Taking you to Mother.

Look, a shooting star.

Quick, everybody make a wish.

You know, I'm beginning to think

that this one is the spy car.

What?

ETA to Mother, 10 minutes.

Please return your seatbacks

to their full and upright position.

So, what are your plans now, if I may ask?

Daffy will save us. He's the hero.

All right, bucktooth. Stick a carrot in it.

Everybody calm down, all right?

I can handle this.

Sell my Warner Brothers stock.

I got an inside tip

that Bugs Bunny is about to die.

Out of gas.

What? It doesn't work like that.

Thanks, toots.

- Carrot?

- No, thanks.

You really think that playing card

is going to help you rescue your father?

Yeah, I do.

You know this all sounds insane, right?

I remember the first time

I saw your dad in the movies.

So breathtaking.

Your hair smells nice.

- You say something?

- No, just saying good night.

I'm telling you, Daffy...

I heard the Warner Brothers say

you were their best duck.

Flattered though I may be,

flattened I will not...

in order for you to get the laughs.

It's all... And then...

- And your tail is on fire.

- Exactly my point.

No, really, your tail's on fire.

Daff, you're accident-prone.

What am I talking to you for?

All you have to do is munch on a carrot,

and people love you.

I need you to move my 12:00 appointment

up to 2:
00 and then back to 11:00.

Then just cancel it.

And I need you to get a helicopter and...

No, don't put me on hold.

Oh, God.

I can't die out here.

This wasn't the plan.

After this comedy...

I promised myself

I would only do real movies...

about the human condition

crammed with social relevance.

There's nothing but a big rock

for 10 miles in that, that...

that, and that direction.

I say we go that way.

Say, who are you kidding here?

We're goners!

Water! I can't die now.

Think of the millions of children

who want me to have the diamond.

The poor children!

Look at that.

Is it a mirage? Or just product placement?

Who cares? With shopping convenience

at such low prices.

Water, Fresca, Mountain Dew.

Your product name here.

Is this your idea?

The audience expects it.

They don't even notice

this kind of thing anymore.

Nice of Wal-Mart

to provide these Wal-Mart beverages...

in return for us saying "Wal-Mart"

so many times.

Where's Yosemite Sam?

- What is your report?

- Boss, it wasn't me.

That razzan-frazzan duck

and that crazy son D.J...

and a humina-humina Dusty Tails.

You know, that makes a lot of sense.

Thank you.

Mr. Drake, are you going to save us

the bother of eliminating your son?

My son is going to kick your evil butt.

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