Looney Tunes: Back in Action Page #4

- Mr. Chairman.

- Yes, Dad.

- Desert operative.

- No.

Not a bad idea, Dad.

Our desert operative is due for a win.

I told you we should have

made that left turn at Albuquerque.

Don't start that again.

All right. Here's the plan.

We wait here for the next truck or car

or camel or whatever...

and take Bugs and Daffy...

get back to Hollywood

and finish making the movie.

What are you going to do?

- I'm just gonna keep walking that way.

- That's your plan?

Yep. That's the direction

the car was going.

You're not leaving me here

while you make off with my diamond.

I don't wanna get too wrapped up

in your caper...

but let's assume that you're right

and Damian Drake is a spy?

Super spy.

What's the point of just meandering

through the desert if...

Here.

Be safe.

- Attaboy. Trust your instincts.

- Yeah.

Except for the water tower, the Batmobile,

the rubble known as Las Vegas.

There's nobody as rich, famous,

and powerful as my father...

who just disappears into thin air.

Suddenly I feel like

I'm in Aunt Marge's Jell-O mold.

Guys, it's air-conditioned in here.

Come on in.

Intruder alert.

Easy.

Earth freak.

Okay, buster. Where's Damian Drake

and that big diamond?

Cleanup on aisle three.

Can I be of service?

I am monitored to respond

to the name Robbie.

Hi, D.J.

At ease. I'm Mother.

Yeah, like the car said

that we would be meeting you.

How do you know my name?

D.J., I've known you

since you were this big.

That's not really possible, is it?

Must have been a photo.

Let me just take care of this, and we'll...

Give it to me straight. How bad is it?

So, shall we?

So little to do, so much time.

You're going to put him back, right?

I can't go back to L.A. With duck soup.

We do have the facilities

to reconstitute the body.

The mind though,

will remain a gooey mess.

So, about my father?

All in due time. Lovely. Yes. Blow.

All right, break it up, fellas. Nice coats.

White is the new black, you know.

Yes.

Look.

- So this is Area 51, right?

- No.

The secret military base

where they keep the aliens?

No, Area 51 is actually

a paranoid fantasy we concocted...

to hide the true identity of this facility.

- Which is?

- Area 52.

But don't quote me on that.

Oh, right. Area 52.

- So, Mother--

- Call me "Mom."

Mom, what is it

that you do here exactly, anyway?

Creation, transubstantiation, destruction.

It's stressful. All kinds of things.

They're already here. You're next.

My God...

what am I going to do with you?

You've done nothing but screw up!

You've walked off mesas.

You've been smashed by boulders.

You've been run over by diesel trucks.

Don't blame the equipment. It's good.

It's ACME equipment.

You're a coyote. Be wily.

All right, now.

Buck up and let's see a little smile.

Little bigger.

That's nice.

Now, just go take a shower,

and don't come back till you smell better!

Be careful. There're men moving a safe

out there, and I don't want you to...

And be careful

of the box of fireworks because...

I suppose I should mention

the plate-glass window...

It's tough being the boss.

A communication.

Memo to Marvin the Martian.

Obtain the playing card,

and destroy the duck.

And when I say destroy the duck,

I mean kill him viciously and painfully.

A mission? I'm all a-tingle.

So, here we are

in the I-can't-tell-you-what room.

- Robert, can you take care of that, please?

- Yes, madam.

When you bring Daffy back,

could you make him 20% funnier?

- I heard that.

- What were we discussing?

This isn't about the giant ants, is it?

- Giant ants?

- Because they're not really ants anymore.

Tell me about the Blue Monkey.

How do you know about that thing

that I've never heard of in my entire life?

My dad told me.

What is the point

of making them pinky swear?

All right.

Now this tape will explain everything.

It was prepared especially for your father.

Greetings, Damian Drake.

If you are watching this, you are aware

that the world is in grave danger.

The ACME Corporation is in hot pursuit

of the Blue Monkey diamond...

a supernatural gem with the ability

to turn people into monkeys...

and then back again.

It is the ACME chairman's goal

to turn the population...

into monkey slaves

to manufacture shoddy ACME goods...

and then change them back to people

to buy the stuff.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable, you may say.

Your mission is this. ;

Find it, destroy it, save humanity.

And remember,

no one wants to be turned into a monkey.

So that's why.

Those guys came after my dad

because he was going to save the world.

So that means if I go after the diamond,

then the bad guys come after me.

Hang on.

You're not seriously thinking about--

Taking over your father's mission?

- I guess that would be all right.

- What?

Listen, if you're going to be a spy,

you'll need spy stuff.

So, is this where you keep

all the high-tech spy gadgets?

Yes.

That's cool. So I get to use all this stuff?

No, your stuff is over here.

But I really like the...

All right. Looks like an ordinary cell phone.

Three-way calling, voice dialing,

downloadable ringtones.

- My phone does all that.

- Superconducting electromagnet.

- Sorry.

- It's all right.

GPS with mapping software...

tip calculator, Gameboy.

Gameboy?

High-powered laser.

Polycarbonate rappelling line

with jet-propelled micro grappling hook.

Nose hair trimmer.

You always want to look your best.

Get over here, you idiot.

No, cold. Cold. Warm, warmer.

Permit me, madam.

Robert, darling. Excellent choice.

Swank pants.

And comfortable, too.

Plus, liquid hydrogen rocket pockets,

here and here.

And stitching,

nuclear-powered crotch pad...

He'll be down in a moment.

Wakey, wakey, friends.

Time to wreak mayhem

in the cause of evil.

Mother, just one last question.

What's the deal with this card?

That is the window

into what lies behind her smile.

What?

I'm sorry, our intelligence people

feel a need to code everything in a riddle.

They get some kind of perverse pleasure

out of it. I think it's corporate.

All humans.

Looks like we got company.

Illegal aliens.

Exterminate them.

Darn. I knew this day would come.

Let us exterminate them.

Emergency shutdown activated.

Force-barrier seal in 30 seconds.

Exterminate.

The playing card, please.

I'll take that. Out of my way.

Hero coming through.

There is no escape.

You pesky fowl!

Isn't it about time to enjoy a frosty,

cold soda at the concession stand?

Exterminate!

Get the lead out. Bus is leaving.

Halt or be fricasseed.

That was fun.

Looking for this?

Now, what did she mean by a window?

The window into what lies

behind her smile.

That's the Mona Lisa.

- Which is in the Louvre.

- Which is in Paris.

Just how are we supposed to get to Paris?

Like this.

It doesn't look like

much of a window to me.

Maybe the diamond is in the painting.

- All we have to do is steal the Mona Lisa.

- Way ahead of you.

- No, you look, you don't touch, right?

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