Loser Page #4

I love the sweet... Where are my notes?

My sexy, smart girl that I have fun with.

If I wanted teen angst,

I'd watch reruns of My So-Called Life.

I'd do anything to make you happy.

I type your papers, I grade your tests.

I've told you not to do that

unless you want to.

Just because I'm giving doesn't mean

I can expect a man to lift a finger for me.

If she were alive, Betty Friedan

would applaud your little epiphany.

If Kafka were alive, he'd say:

"Stop misinterpreting my novels,

you pretentious bonehead!"

Hey, again.

Hi.

I eat here every night.

I've never seen you come in.

You eat in the student center every night?

There's like 20 restaurants on every block.

Yeah, I don't know New York that well.

You should do some exploring.

It's the best city in the universe.

See you.

- Where are you going?

- Job interview.

- I'll walk you.

- Okay.

I don't see why Alcott

wouldn't let you go pass-fail.

Rules are rules, right? What can he do?

Say, do you know this group Everclear?

- Are you kidding? They're my favorite.

- They are?

I love self-loathing complaint-rock

you can dance to.

You want to see them tonight?

I've got two tickets I came across.

Shut up!

But you know, I got these three interviews.

But there's an opening act, right?

Yeah. There's an opening act.

Can I meet you there at 9:30?

9:
30 would be great.

But here.

Why don't you take one,

and if your interviews go long...

I could just meet you inside.

Thanks.

Now, don't go scalping that.

Okay.

Why did you ask me?

You hardly know me.

Sure I do. I know you're smart.

You care when people bang up their knees.

You don't waste money on food

when you can get free honey.

You're cute.

You take a train from somewhere, right?

The Number 6. I know that.

All right.

All right, I'll meet you there.

Paul.

I'm Dora.

- I'll see you, Paul.

- Yeah, I'll see you, Dora.

Dust.

When did O'Brien die?

- After you left.

- Before the crackdown.

First they changed the dorm code.

Then we got our idea

which we thought Noah told you.

My bad.

I feel awful I never got to know him better.

Yeah, that would've saved him.

I'll never forget how weird it felt...

...when I looked out the window

and I see this body go by.

- I thought he was in a coma.

- Yeah. He fell into a coma.

Come check out my lighting design.

Look at this. You ready?

Lighting changes the party decor entirely.

Pretty extravagant.

Women expect you to set the mood.

We're not in high school anymore.

What about in here?

That's the operating room. Not in there.

I'm going to go grab a slice.

Want to come?

- Sure.

- Let's go.

- Look what I found.

- Come on.

That's for the animals.

You don't need flea medication, do you?

I don't know.

He has slept with a lot of dogs.

All right, come on.

- What's this?

- An application for the night shift job.

- Where you get this?

- From the guy who was just here.

Night shift is dangerous.

We can't have girls.

This is the third time this has happened.

Why don't you say so in your ad?

- He should not have given you.

- I don't know if that's even legal.

Actually, it's not. It's in violation

of sexual discrimination laws.

- Call next week.

- Yeah, right.

Thanks for trying to help out.

It's disgusting the way women get treated.

I just wish they didn't waste my time.

Do you have plans tonight?

There's a great fundraiser.

It's blowing off the hook.

I have a date,

but it doesn't start for 45 minutes.

Come drop by. It's for a good cause.

Homeless animal shelter.

I don't have any funds to donate.

It's okay. Just come in out of the cold

until your date.

Okay. But only if I can help you carry that.

What's up, man? How's it going?

Hey, how are you?

You look amazing. I like this very much.

That's very nice. Come in.

So, how've you been?

What a turnout, huh?

I don't know how I'll find my date.

Excuse me. I'll take a T-shirt.

You know what? I'll take two.

It's just juice. Drink it up.

You look a little dehydrated.

It's good. It's got juices and cranberry.

Do you know cranberry juice is good

for your urinary tract?

- What time is it?

- It's early.

So, which do you like better,

yellow or checks?

Why?

Because I want to know which kind of cab

to call when we're done.

Dude, come here. Come here.

You got to help me. Lisa is all primed,

but her helpful friend, fat Rita...

...will take her home

unless she gets some action, too.

First of all, I'm way too wasted

to be operating heavy machinery.

Second of all, I got this little spinner

all G-ed out. She's liquid.

Leave her on the back burner.

Take one for the team.

You owe me one.

- Count on it.

- All right.

Where's the bathroom?

I don't feel so good.

- What is it? Your head?

- No, it's my stomach.

Here, this'll settle it.

- What is it?

- It's for your tummy.

Drink it real fast.

That'll help your stomach.

Where is the bathroom?

Yo, Dora, where you been all night?

You got to give me your number

before you go, okay?

Excuse me. This seat's taken.

- What?

- This seat is taken.

- This seat's taken!

- What?

I know. We'll move when they come.

Taxi, here.

Good girl.

How'd you get out of your cage?

Okay. All right. Roxi, come on.

Come on, Roxi.

Come on. Okay.

You, up there.

Come on, party's over. Let's go.

Dora?

Perfect. Hey, Dora, come on. Wake up.

Wake up. I don't believe

in sleeping together on the first date.

Especially one you didn't show up for.

Come on.

Dora?

Come on, Dora, wake up. Please.

All right, I got you. Come on. Let's go.

I'm sorry, that's all I got.

- What's her name?

- Dora Diamond.

- How long has she been unconscious?

- I don't know.

- What drugs she ingested?

- All I found was beer cans.

- Are you a relative?

- No.

I found her like that.

My friends had a party.

Nice party.

I got to put my glasses on because

it looks like hair growing there.

And all Ron does is spray this.

Going bald sucks.

They say it comes from your mother.

- My mother's got hair, you know.

- Of course she does.

- Is she okay?

- She's stable.

We pumped her stomach just to be sure.

If she took Rohypnol,

she'll be out for another eight hours.

The problem is,

on her student emergency card...

...she has Professor Alcott

as her next of kin.

You wouldn't happen to know

where her parents are or if she's insured?

No, I don't know.

Did you call Professor Alcott?

He doesn't know her.

And we can't keep her here.

I can take her. I'm her boyfriend.

- I thought you just found her like this.

- Yeah, I did. And boy, was I angry.

Okay.

Just fill this prescription.

Am I a man of my word or what?

- What the heck went on here?

- I came by to help clean up.

I suppose you don't have

any idea about Dora.

No, who is that?

The girl who almost had

an OD in the bathroom.

- She almost OD'd?

- Yeah.

I found her passed out

and took her to the hospital.

Shut up. All right. Where is she?

Man, what kind of drugs

were you giving out here?

Drugs? Man, all we had was beer.

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