Lost and Found Page #2

---

Mmm. Nice pants.

What she means

is nice ass.

[Chuckles]

Anyway, I wanted to ask

you a quick question.

Oh, don't tell me.

Let me guess.

The new girl

in apartment 6-c.

Hmm...

You want me

to hook you up?

No, thank you.

You'll ruin it.

What? I ain't no

cock blocker.

Oh.

Where is Mildred?

We sent her for

a beer run an hour ago.

Well, there's a heinie

in the lettuce drawer.

Dibs.

[Farts]

Whoo, look out, girls,

I'm crop-Dustin' again.

Ohh.

Lord.

I told you to stop

eating those crab cakes.

Anyway, Dylan...

Her name is lila Dubois.

And she just moved in.

And she seems

nice enough,

except for that

dog of hers.

Dreadful animal.

Ok. All right, well,

nice to see you,

ladies. Tah.

No, wait, Dylan.

Um, wouldn't you like to

join us for one hand?

No, no, no, no.

I'm not the type of guy

who steals pension money

from widows and orphans.

Oh.

Oh, go on.

What's the matter?

Your nuts as puny

as you are?

[Laughing]

Deal me in, b*tch.

King of the road

Clara, quit

dropping things.

We all know what you're

doing under there.

It slipped, I swear.

6 times?

I fold.

Me, too.

I'll see you

your socks

and raise you...

Your shorts.

You couldn't raise

my shorts with a crane.

Besides,

you're bluffing.

Only one way to find out...

Big guy.

[Groans]

Straight flush.

[Cello music]

Ooh. Ow. Ow. Sharp.

Ow.

Hey!

What are you doing?

If you get fresh

with my wife,

you'll have

to deal with me.

I lost a penny.

Have you seen it?

Yeah. Uh, it had a picture

of Lincoln on it.

You know, the president when

you were in high school.

Lady:
He has

a nice tush.

Man:
Hilary,

for heaven's sake.

Well,

he does.

Ahh. God.

Hey, how's it

hangin', ray?

Uh, low, loose,

and full of juice.

Come on, ray,

we all know

you haven't been laid

since the shuttle

exploded.

And that was for all

the wrong reasons.

Anyway, how's

the loan coming?

Dylan, you're

overextended already.

[Sighs] We gotta have

this loan or we're dead.

What do you need,

some collateral?

You don't have

any collateral.

[Intercom beeps]

Hello?

Woman on intercom:

Line 3. It's millstone.

Oh.

Hello, sir. Sorry to keep you

waiting, Mr. millstone, sir.

Uh, yes, sir. Yes.

Everything is in order, sir.

Yes, sir, you can

count on me, sir.

[Chuckles]

Wow, that crazy

ass-kissing

was hard to watch.

[Mwah mwah mwah]

[Mimicking ray]

Sir, sir.

That ass happens to belong

to the President of the bank,

the one who

approves loans.

Ooh, in that case,

tell him to bend over,

I'll be right up.

Maybe some other time.

He's busy right now

planning a little soiree

for Saturday

to raise money

for the arts.

Ray, are you thinking

what I'm thinking?

Hire you to cater it?

No, let's go down to

the lake and make out.

Of course, hire us

to do the catering.

We'll do it for cost.

You can show your boss

that you've got

what it takes

to be a tight-fisted

prick

and we'll show him

we're worth the risk.

[Sighs] Ok, I'll try, but

I can't promise anything.

Yes. You're a stud.

Thank you, ray.

There you go.

Hey, ladies.

Caffe di mare.

Bring your mommies.

[Whistles]

Sir, we have

fresh fish daily.

Great place.

Ah, nothing like

the thrill of the hunt.

[Barking]

Jack?

[Barks]

Where's your mommy?

[Cello playing

scales off key]

[Knocking on door]

Watch your

intonation, ok?

Ok.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, again.

Have you two met?

Jack. Thank you.

Where have you been?

T'etais o toi,

dis donc?

Encore parti?

He was way over

on the pier.

Huh, you bad dog.

I should spank you.

Ooh. Hey, I was way over

on the pier, too.

I was kidding. I mean,

I was over there, but...

That was a joke.

Maybe not.

No, no, I get it.

You're projecting

yourself

into the place

of the dog,

joking for me to

spank you, too, no?

Yeah. Pretty much.

Uh, Steven, tu reprends

depuis le dbut,

s'il te plait.

Huh?

Again, please.

[Sighs] Sorry, um,

I don't even

know your name.

Oh, Dylan Ramsey.

Mm, nice to meet you,

Dylan Ramsey.

And thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

Hey, I don't know if

you're busy or not--

[crash]

I slipped.

Oh, sorry,

I have to go.

Oh, ok. I'm over in 10

if you ever need anything,

milk, flour...

Husband.

[Classical music plays]

Isn't it great?

I came all the way

to America

to play at the mall.

Lila, it's a paying gig...

In town.

[Classical piano playing]

[Applause]

I'm responsible

for that piano.

He didn't even ask.

It's ok, Peter.

I know him. It's ok.

Lila, mon amour.

Rene.

Lila, you break

my heart.

I've come halfway around

the world to find you.

And I came halfway around

the world to lose you.

You're more beautiful

than ever.

Did I not make

you happy? I love you.

Oui, me, 3 percussionists,

and half the wind section.

What can I say?

I'm a man who

loves too much.

I was stupid.

Oh, not as stupid as I.

So what are you doing

here, really?

I came here for you.

Allez, au revoir.

I've got to get

back to work.

Work? This is not work.

This is a waste

of your talent.

It's only

a matter of time

before I'm playing for

the philharmonic, ok?

You haven't even

tried out, have you?

Come on.

I just thought

that you might like

to have dinner

with me tonight.

I know what you came

here for, rene.

And do you really

think I'm just gonna

throw myself

at you again?

No. It's just I'll be

dining with Max ubermann.

He's the director

of the philharmonic,

is he not?

But anyway, if you're

too busy...Performing...

I'm telling you, man,

3 times this week I've

returned that mutt of hers,

and every time

it's the same story.

Sorry, I'm busy. Bye.

If it wasn't for

that stupid dog,

I'd never see her

at all.

I don't know, man. This girl

sounds too real for you.

I don't even know

why you like her.

Wait a minute.

She's French, right?

Probably doesn't speak

any English.

You guys don't have

to talk to each other.

She's perfect.

Hey, you're the one

who told me

there was a girl

out there for me.

Please, I'm just

talking out of my ass,

trying to end

the conversation.

Kind of like I'm doing now.

So we can get out of here

and see if ray called

about the party.

Great.

Double or nothing.

If I make this, not

only do I win the game,

but I get lila, too.

Uh-huh.

Get in there.

Unh!

All right, it's late.

Good game. You win, kid.

Hey, what about

my $5.00?

I said "doll hairs."

Hustler.

P*ssy.

Jeez, you jumped

a couple of steps there,

didn't ya?

Careful. She's

probably in a gang.

So what do I do

about this girl?

I don't know.

What about the pizza man?

Ooh, it's not

gonna work.

She's worldly,

sophisticated, French.

I'm gonna have to

come up with something

a little more inventive.

[Knocking on door]

Dominos.

Yes?

Is this the squankmeyer

residence?

Squankmeyer? No.

[Chuckles] I'll tell you,

these complexes

are so complex.

I get all twisted around.

Sorry. Good night.

Who was it?

Nobody.

Mercedes, huh?

So was it one of

those little, uh,

280 sls or the...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes