Lost and Found Page #3

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Big kick-ass

500 series?

Uh, I think it was

the "I've got the girl

"and you're whacking it

in the bushes

with a cold pizza" series.

I can't stop thinking

about this girl.

Oh, Dylan, stop

torturing yourself.

I mean, look, you know

how this is gonna turn out.

It won't be any different

than it was

with your little rodeo rider

from the saddle sore saloon.

You'll go out,

you'll become infatuated,

then in 6 weeks, if she

hasn't already left you,

you'll find some reason

to dump her.

I mean, either way,

you're gonna end up alone.

Again.

Thanks for the pep talk.

Why don't you go coach

the clippers?

[Baby cries]

I'll get her.

Hey, do me a favor.

Hold onto this for me.

What is it?

It's Gail's anniversary

gift. Check it out.

Oh.

Yeah.

It's nice.

Yeah. It's a surprise,

so just hold it for me.

No, I shouldn't

hold onto that.

Well, I can't

keep it here.

I don't want her to

find it. Just keep it,

and I'll tell you

when I need it back.

I'm not the guy for that.

No, I'm gonna get it

back from you.

I don't want it.

Why not?

I don't need things

like this in my life.

I'm asking for

one stinking favor.

Just take it.

Coming back.

Hey, look who's here,

sweetie.

It's Uncle Dylan.

Yes.

Do you want to?

Sure.

Here you go.

There you go.

All right, you little punk,

I got you...In my grips.

You like that?

All right,

you get a little,

but if you garp any back

on me, I do it to you.

Ok, look, here's

the bottom line.

When I first met you,

I thought you were

kind of a jerk.

Your mommy's kind of

a b*tch sometimes.

Until I got to know you.

And then I could see

how really sweet you are--

a-a-at least

intermittently.

I mean, what

I'm trying to say

is that if you really

like this girl,

she has to get to know you.

Gail's right.

Hey, you're

a closer, man.

All you need

is some quality time

with this girl.

[Whispers]

Quality time...

Come on, lila,

I'm really sorry.

I really thought he was

going to be there.

He was not. He was not.

What can I do?

But I promise,

tomorrow I call Max

and I arrange

for you to meet.

It's all right, rene.

Thanks for trying.

Good night.

May I come in?

No.

A lot of work.

[Toy squeaks]

Hey, Jack.

[Squeak squeak]

Oh, no, sorry,

mon vieux,

I don't have time.

[Squeak squeak]

No, I can't.

Jack!

Jack!

Jack!

Hey, neighbor.

You haven't seen Jack,

have you?

Oh, I'm so late.

Well, go on, get out

of here. I'll find him.

Oh, no, I can't

let you do that.

He's my problem.

I was gonna look

for a dog today, anyway.

This is perfect.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I don't care.

Scoot. Skedaddle.

I'm gonna lock up.

Hey, thanks.

[Car backfires]

[Whistles]

It's strictly business,

Jack.

No hard feelings.

[Arf]

Hey, it's Dylan.

Can I talk to mark?

[Toy squeaking]

Thanks. Yeah,

hey. It's me.

Look, buddy, I don't

think I'm gonna be able

to make it in today.

Yeah, I'm waiting

for the cable guy.

My TV's broken.

I don't know. I don't know

what's wrong with it.

[Arf]

It keeps making barking

noises. Yeah.

[Arf]

Shh. You want a boot

in your butt?

Not you, the phone guy.

Yeah, uh, he's here, too.

The, uh...

I don't know

what's wrong with it.

My phone, it's just, uh,

keeps disconnecting

at the weirdest--

[beep]

All right,

what do you want?

All right, give me that.

There, go nuts.

What part don't you

understand?

I throw, you fetch.

It's the latest craze.

All the cool dogs

are doing it.

[Pants]

Ok...

What do you want to play?

How 'bout

the quiet game?

Go.

[Arf]

You lose.

[Toy squeaks]

[Toy squeaks]

[Arf]

Hide and seek?

You crafty canine.

Where could it be, Jack?

Where, oh, where?

The fridge?

Maybe.

The plant?

Not my first guess.

I'd say right here.

Ahh. I found it.

[Arf arf arf]

You want to play again?

No, thanks. I think

it's more fun for you.

So, you do that,

and let me know

how it goes.

Great.

Oh, beat it, will ya?

Go take a dog nap.

When's your mom come home?

It's time to go

look for you.

Yaah! No, no, no, no.

You don't get this. Shh.

I know you want it.

Look at how sparkly it is.

[Chuckles] You want that?

Yeah, you and every

single girl in the midwest.

Ohh LA LA.

I wish I had it.

[Arf arf]

Jack, I thought

we were just friends.

[Car backfires]

Oh. She's home. Come on.

Come on, come on.

Get rid of you.

Come on, buddy,

into the bathroom.

There you go.

Oh, you sucker.

You're too easy.

Didn't your mommy

ever tell you?

Never follow a stranger

into the bathroom.

Ow!

Oh, hey, are you ok?

[Tearfully]

No, I'm not ok.

I just got fired.

I can't help it

if the child is tone-deaf.

How is that my fault?

The parents, they pay me

to give him lessons,

but I'm not

a miracle worker.

When I was a child, I used

to sleep with my instrument.

It had its own pillow.

And this little sh*t

leaves his out in the rain,

and they wonder why

the music sounds terrible?

I'm sorry.

Uhhh!

I have no career.

Who am I kidding?

[Sobbing]

Well, I bet you'll feel

better when you find Jack.

[Sobbing]

And my dog is missing.

It's gonna be all right.

[Hiccup]

Oh!

And now I've got

the hiccups.

I could kill that dog.

[Hiccup]

He does this

all the time.

Eventually

he always comes back,

but he doesn't know

this neighborhood.

[Hiccup]

Well,

I tell you what.

I guarantee you'll

get your dog back.

I bet...In 2 hours

you'll have him. Ok?

Yeah?

You think so?

I know so.

Come on.

Let me grab this.

Let's go.

[Hiccup]

Uhhh!

[Chuckles]

How many

you got in here?

You ok?

Yeah. I...I usually

work with barbells.

This is a more...

Awkward...

Situation.

Hey, you know,

this park is great.

If I was a dog,

I'd come here.

Oh, God.

I can't help feeling

like I've wasted

my whole life.

I mean...

All I've done since

I was 5 years old is...

Play music.

Jeez, the only focus

I had when I was 5

was not to wet

the bed.

I used to sprinkle cereal

on my sheets at night,

and then when I'd hear

"snap, crackle, pop,"

I'd wake up and run

to the bathroom.

Of course, I had

to kill those guys.

They knew too much.

Snap and crackle

were cool,

but pop had a little bit

of a tooth problem.

[Chuckles]

[Laughs]

She smiled. Finally.

[Sighs]

Ooh, a playground.

Let's play.

Dylan, what are you doing?

Shh, shh, shh!

You'll spook him.

Settle in.

Ok, what you got,

horsy?

What you got?

That ain't much.

Hee hee hee! Ooh!

Yeah!

Is that it? I saw

your mommy at kmart.

You can ride her

for a quarter.

That's what I said.

Ohh!

Oh!

Are you--oops!

Are you ok? Sorry.

Was that 8 seconds?

Oh, my God.

[Chuckles]

You almost

made me forget

how terrible this week

has been for me.

Oh, it can't

be that bad.

Ha! And on top

of everything,

my former fianc just

showed up out of nowhere.

He expects me to forget

everything that happened

between us

and fly back

to Paris with him.

Can you believe it?

That bastard.

And just because he's gorgeous

and talented and charming

and rich

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