Lost for Life Page #2

and I slam it. And then

we just kind of go into the

room and the crime happens,

and we stabbed her.

I really don't have a lot of

vivid memories of

the actual incident.

I have what they call...

flash bulb images of that.

She's breathing hard and

her eyes are open,

and she's looking off someplace

else and, uh...

And then I...

I remember...

so many, like...

She wasn't screaming but in

my head I could hear that.

And I know she screamed before

it happened to her, and uh...

but in my memories I

have, she's screaming.

Okay.

When it did happen,

I was just too shocked

to do anything and I just ran

from it and hid from it

and I made a lot of mistakes.

But...

they were, I don't know.

I just think, I look at myself

now and I'm 21 and I think

how stupid I was at 16, and I

just think how I feel like I'm

paying for somebody else's

mistakes at this point.

When I was 13 years old,

I had a friend who was over, he

was hanging out at the house and

my mom just went and left on me.

He said, "Man, you mom's really

a b*tch. You should kill her."

And I didn't really take it

seriously, but that's the first

time the thought was planted in

my head and I started escaping

into that daydream. When things

got really bad I could say,

"Oh, yeah. One day, they're

going to be gone."

In the early

morning hours of December 17,

15-year-old Jacob Ind

slaughtered his mother and

stepfather in their Woodland Park

home with the help of a friend.

Jacob Ind reportedly

tried to block out the screaming.

His appearance

is that of a studious prep

school student. As they say,

Jacob Ind was cold and cruel,

that he recruited schoolmate

Gabrial Adams to do the job.

The kid was looney tunes

and I just knew he would

help so I asked for his help.

I just didn't want anything

directly to do with it. I just

wanted the problem solved,

things to be gone.

I didn't want to see it,

I didn't want to hear it;

I wanted nothing to do with it.

I just wanted him gone, and that's

what I thought would happen.

I was sleeping when I

heard the gunshots go off.

The .22 that I gave Gabrial

really didn't have enough of a

punch to get the job done.

Went down the hall and saw

their door was open

to their bedroom. It was like

1:
00 in the morning and...

I saw my stepdad.

He was bleeding and...

He said he'd been shot.

So I went back to my room and

got some pepper spray and

I came back and I sprayed him

with the with pepper spray,

my mom and stepdad. And I went

into their bathroom and closed

the door and I figured, "Okay,

maybe this can end. Maybe this

can be over by now."

And it kept going and going,

I couldn't see anything but I

heard that there was still a

ruckus. I just wanted it to be

over. And so eventually

the .357 was in the closet

in the bathroom,

and I grabbed that and loaded

it with one bullet.

And I opened up the door and I

saw my stepdad there,

slumped kind of against a wall

and I shot him in the head

and he fell over.

I turned around and went back,

put another bullet, and my mom

was there.

I shot at her and I missed her.

And...

So I turned around and went back,

put another bullet, and went to

shoot her again and she

asked me, "Why?" Because at

that point it dawned on her what

was going on. And I told her

because she was cruel, and I

shot her, and she fell over.

I was just so, I guess,

disturbed by what I saw.

I grabbed my alarm clock,

went to the downstairs couch,

and I just laid there and

I couldn't think.

And I said, "Man, I f***ed up.

F***ed up so bad."

Our organization is the

National Organization of Victims

of Juvenile Lifers, NOVJL.

I'm the president of NOVJL,

Jennifer Bishop-Jenkins.

Three of my family members were

murdered in Chicago in 1990 by a

teenager who is serving three life

without parole sentences in Illinois.

He got mandatory

sentences for Nancy and Richard

but for the baby he got

an optional life sentence.

Nancy was crossing her arms

over her pregnant belly.

He pointed the gun and

fired, and he hit it.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi, Nancy.

How are you?

My ability to be

Nancy's sister in the world is

entirely about she was murdered.

I cannot be her sister

and not care about that. The

discovery that there was a

movement to free Nancy and

Richard's killer was shocking

and horrifying to me. I actually

think that that has motivated me

more than anything, never to

have any legal finality at all

to your case. I was awake all

night for four straight months

I was so traumatized by this.

I cried all the time, I was worried about

it, I couldn't think, I just thought,

"God, if I have to spend

the rest of my life like this

and my children and my mother,

don't you care about the victims

at all? Doesn't this

worry you at all?"

It's at that point that I

realized how absolutely

clueless they are about

the cost of victimization.

I have thought

so often as I have been

down in this basement

where they died,

"Was she angry?

Was she puzzled?

Did she wonder why he had

killed her?

Was she lonely, was she cold?"

It's something that comes over you

when you're down here

but life goes on.

Sometimes you forget

why, but we go on with it.

Brian didn't

want us to know how much

pain he was in, and he kept that

very separate from our life

with him and the family's

life with him.

He just didn't want us to know

how much pain he was in.

That's the thing

that kept us up at night

the most for the longest

amount of time,

is trying to find... trying to

remember something that we missed

We adopted Brian at

birth. When I think about

our relationship and how

strong of a relationship we had

with Brian and how...

good of a

relationship we had with Brian,

if you walked into

our house back then,

we were normal.

And why we didn't

recognize that we had...

such a problem...

is horrific and

something we still cannot...

bear.

Sorry.

Hello.

This call is subject to

monitoring and recording.

I just had an emotional

visit yesterday; it was really

hard to come here alone. It's

always hard to go to a prison

and it's hard to walk down the

gates and to be buzzed in,

and to wait, and to go to

the searches, and then

just to imagine doing this

forever until I'm dead,

everybody involved is dead

except for Torey and Brian.

They will outlive the

prosecutors and the

families and everybody

and there will be...

it will still be going on.

It's just very overwhelming

all the time that there's never

an end in sight or it's

never... it's hard to

imagine how we're going to spend

our life doing this and I'm just

overwhelmed today a

little bit. It's just hard.

My brother is going to

be 26 years old this year,

and he will have spent ten

years, a decade, in prison.

And it's a commitment to stay in

somebody's life with

that circumstance.

The majority

of families forget about them;

I refuse to.

On November 6,

2002, Stacy and Gary Alflen

were shot to death in what many

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