Lost for Life Page #3

say was the couple's dream home.

In opening statements,

prosecutors painted the killers

as cold-blooded who

"killed for fun,"

maintaining that Josiah

Ivy acted as the gunman.

My parents visit

him every week, too.

He's chosen to forgive and

he's just so very grateful

of my parent's relationship

and willingness to commit

to visiting him, to be

interactive in his life,

and they have a great

working relationship.

What do you mean they

have a great working relationship?

What I mean by a great

working relationship is that

he's not embittered by anything

that happened in our childhood.

No, my parents spanked

us when we were kids.

I don't know if these days

that's considered abuse

or not, I didn't really look

at it like that.

Okay. Okay, so,

maybe, yeah, there's,

I guess there's some stuff I

really don't want to talk about,

at least not on camera, you know?

But...

I don't ever talk about it, no.

As far as our childhood, it was...

my parents regret a lot of it

and I think they would do

things very differently now

but can't go back in the

past and Josiah has

forgiven my parents.

I know you used the word,

but did you guys

grow up in a cult?

Yeah, when we were younger

we definitely grew up in

a religious cult.

I will tell you, I don't

think... I don't like

remembering our old home.

At the end there...

you know, before Josiah was

going to be sent away.

And you walk in every room

and you have

memories of things that

you'd rather not have.

Do you feel like I'm

still being closed?

I think you're being

as open as you're capable of being.

On the abuse stuff, yeah.

Just...

How old were you when

your stepfather molested you?

Four. Four, five, six.

A little bit of it,

it's still something very

easy to run away from

and not address and not confront.

The brain is a beautiful mechanism

keeping stuff like that shut out.

How long did it go on?

Did your mom know

about it? Did you

ever tell anybody?

No, God no. I never told

anybody about it.

Can I ask what they did to you?

It's not really something

I like talking about at all.

My daughter started

telling me about this weird kid

in her geometry class

and she said he dressed

like a hippie and she said he

was nice but a little odd.

And then the day of the

murders she said,

"Jacob Ind killed his parents."

And I said, "Is that the kid

you were talking to me about?"

And she said, "Yes." And that's

how Jacob Ind came into my life

because I couldn't get him out

of my mind and I kept thinking,

"What would make a

15-year-old kill his parents?"

He would have us get undressed,

then tie us,

start to masturbate, and after

he was done

he would get dressed

and say,

"You're so f***ing dirty. Go

and take a f***ing shower."

How do you treat a kid like

a piece of sh*t? How do you do

that to him? I can't wrap

my brain around that,

just the cruelty of it.

My mom used to give me

enemas when I

was like four or five years old

for reasons that didn't

make any sense. And when

you think back it's like,

"I don't... that's odd."

In traumatized children,

as they become adolescents,

we often see the remains of

the trauma if it has not

been treated, in the form

of depression, aggression,

somebody does something

to them and having

been victimized before, they

overreact it and harm the person

who victimized them.

My stepdad was the source

of terror, slamming me up

against a wall and telling

me he'd crush my head in.

But that was more

tolerable, really to me,

than the cruelty and

coldness in my mom.

That filled me with more despair

than anything else.

I could put up with getting

beat up. That's nothing;

that hurts a little while

and then it goes away.

But being berated for three

hours at a time,

four hours at a time, being

told how you're worthless,

how you deserved what you got.

When I was a little kid,

and this is when I was

getting molested and

probably the worst abuse,

my mom told me never to tell the

cops anything because if I ever

called the cops they would come

and give them a medal because

I was such a horrible,

rotten kid who deserved

what they gave me.

And that stuck with me.

I spoke up as much as I could.

With as weak as I was

at the time I thought I was

screaming from a mountaintop,

though objectively I was making

tiny whimpers.

But I raised every red flag I

could and no one paid attention.

I don't know; it put me in a

very deep, dark place

where I didn't see an option.

We live in a very, very

conservative community.

A lot of people said, "Well, he

killed them because he didn't

want to take out the trash or

whatever." That is not

what happens in parricide

cases; 90% of these kids

are badly abused.

Jacob tried to get help.

His brother tried to get help.

Nobody listened to them,

so Jacob is serving a life

sentence for the sins

of our community.

Nobody helped him.

I joined the Bloods at

around the age of 14,

and as a Blood it didn't really

mean much of anything

except selling crack, getting

into some fights here and

there with the Crips. But

eventually it became more

serious, as they

started shooting at us more,

we started shooting at

them more often.

And the first time that I ever

shot a gun...

I killed someone,

a young man who was just

walking home from work.

We said to that man that day, he

was walking down the street,

we said, "Hey, what's up, Blood?"

He said, "I don't gangbang."

One of the people I was with

jumped out of the car

and said, "I didn't ask

you if you gangbang. I said,

'What's up, Blood?'"

And that young man

took off running.

We laughed,

"Look at him, he's running."

That man got back in

the car, we circle around, we're

going home, we were about to go

home, we weren't even thinking

about this guy anymore.

But then we saw him running

to a house.

And when he

got to that house he knocked on

that door and three Crips came

out of that house.

and that's how the whole incident

started.

That's when I made the

decision that I'm going to shoot

a gun at these guys' house

to scare them.

He was just a kid.

At 16 years old, he was very

easily influenced by his friends.

Torey is much more of a

follower than a leader.

Yeah, who I was at that

point and who I am now,

it's like totally different people.

But who Torey was

at that age, at 16, he still

didn't commit this crime.

He's not saying that,

he's not saying that.

I'm saying I

was... I made some mistakes

and I learned from them.

But your mistakes

weren't anything you were

charged with. They weren't

for murder and conspiracy.

Yeah.

That was Brian. It

must be harder, because

you're innocent, to be facing it.

Yeah, I guess.

It's unusual that he

would have that response

and his parents having

that response.

It's a lot to deal with. You

have to accept the societal

brand that you are a convicted

murderer, and that is

a very scary term to have

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