Lost in London

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1

( MUSIC PLAYING )

( MUSIC CHANGES )

Yeah!

How'd it go?

Oh, I think the people who

enjoyed it the most...

were the ones who caught up

on their sleep.

Er, Laura and the kids have

started eating.

Where'd they go?

Er... er, La Petit Vrit.

Oh. Man, Jesus.

You're not in the mood

for French food?

No, it's not that, it's just...

Are you are you okay?

No, I I you know,

it's just...

I mean, I don't get the idea

of drama.

I mean, it doesn't make

people happy, right?

Er, and and you know,

like people

I know there's some people who

who, er, feel stuck in comedy...

and they wanna prove themselves

a serious actor.

I don't.

I mean, I love doing comedy.

I love making people laugh.

I I don't feel like I need

to win an award...

for long day's journey into

boredom, you know?

And yet here I am, doing another

drama.

You know, like a guy who

who's, er, you know...

addicted to a drug that doesn't

even get him high, you know?

Like a cigarette smoker

who doesn't even...

like cigarettes, you know?

And yet, here he goes, having

another cigarette...

and another cigarette and

another cigarette...

and another cigarette.

I get the idea, Woody.

[WOODY]

Have you ever had that...

where you were addicted to

something you didn't even like?

Yeah, my girlfriend.

[WOODY]

Oh, no kidding?

Yeah, she just says the most

awful things like...

I brought her to dinner to meet

my parents, right...

and before we started eating my

mum says, "Let's pray".

She goes, "I'm an atheist".

Like she couldn't just

go along with it.

[WOODY]

Wow, brutally honest.

Yeah, definitely brutal.

So we bow our heads, close our

eyes, and she just sat there...

staring at us like we're morons.

[WOODY]

Well, how how'd you know that?

What?

[WOODY] I mean, if your eyes

are closed...

how'd you know what

she was doing?

Oh, I peeped.

[WOODY] Oh.

Yeah.

So anyway, we get through the

prayer, we start eating.

It's dead quiet in the room,

uncomfortable quiet.

And then she goes,

"This chicken's overcooked".

I'd rather her choke on that

chicken, than say that.

( WOODY CHUCKLES )

My god, that could not have gone

over good with the parentals.

No... well, my dad loves her.

He says she's been overcooking

the chicken for 25 years...

and someone's finally called

her out on it.

My mum asks me every day if I've

managed to get rid of her yet.

Ah!

Well, I'm sorry about that,

dude, you know...

but I feel I feel lucky,

you know?

It's like, er, Laura is so cool,

you know?

I mean, II think that's true,

that statement...

happy wife, happy life.

Um, yeah.

[WOODY] Huh?

What?

[WOODY] What was that?

What was what?

What you just said.

What'd I just say?

Dude, is everything cool?

Um, yeah.

Okay, now that's twice.

Yeah, I said "yeah" twice.

Is there something you're not

telling me?

No.

Are you sure?

Um, yeah.

Hi, Woody.

Hi.

Heavy play.

Oh, tell me.

I miss 'Cheers'.

Me, too.

You were so young and innocent

back then.

Yeah, be a give a lot to be

either one of those things now.

You're all right, Woody. Would

you sign that for me, please?

Dave.

Don't sign for paparazzi, Dave.

Apparently, you do pose

for them, though, mate.

Oh, yeah, lovely, lovely, mate.

Lovely, thank you.

Woody. Woody. Woody.

Oh my god, I knew something

was going on, dude.

Yeah.

When when did you see this?

Just this morning.

And you kept it from me all day?

I didn't know you didn't know.

Dude, of course you knew

I didn't know.

What would it have helped to say

something earlier?

Because knowledge is power,

all right?

For one thing, I never would've

had Laura meet me out, okay?

The second she walks out

that door...

the chances of her seeing

it double, quadruple.

Sept... sept

I'm sorry, Woody.

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.

Just relax, just relax,

don't get worked up.

Remember your chi,

you taught me that.

It's fine, this is nothing new.

Losing my wife is new, dude.

Yeah. No, no, you're fine,

maybe she hasn't even seen it.

Oh, that's true, I mean,

maybe she hasn't seen it.

Yeah, you'd be able to tell,

as soon as you see her...

if she's seen it or not.

Right.

If she hasn't, get her home.

Right, get her home immediately.

And there's a good chance

she never will see it.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah,

that's true.

Stay positive, life's good.

Right, right, positive,

yeah, life is good.

Life's great.

Right, right, life is great.

It's a good day.

It's a great day, man.

Yeah, you got it, Woods.

Alex, you are such a good buddy,

man.

Hey, will you come in there

with me?

God, no, no, if she has

seen it...

I don't wanna be anywhere

near you, mate.

Good luck, though, yeah.

Good evening, sir.

Thank you.

Hi, hon.

Hi, love.

How you doing?

I'm good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Everything's groovy?

Why are you acting so strange?

I'm not, I'm not acting str

Because it's coming and I

It's cold out there

and my lips

It's coming off as strange,

but I'm just strangely happy.

Er, did you eat?

Yeah, we ate.

Let's get the check.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's

the rush?

Sit down. Look, I got this

for you. You're not hungry?

Well, let's doggy bag it,

you know

No, sit down, tell me how

the show was tonight, come on.

It was it was good. It was

just, er

You know, I, I wanna get

you home and, you know...

er, maybe get you, and run you

a hot bath.

And and maybe give you

a massage...

and then get you drunk and

take advantage of you.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow, what has gotten into you?

Nothing, I just I feel so

lucky to be your husband.

You are lucky.

So am I.

And maybe, if you're

really, really lucky...

I might just let you

take advantage of me.

Um, so where's the rascals?

And you know what?

There's still plenty of wine

left in this bottle.

You want me to pour you

a glass?

Let's just cork it, drink

it in the tub.

Where's the munchkins?

They're around here somewhere.

Here you are, sir.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful.

Can we get the wine and the

food to go, please?

Oh, certainly, sir, no problem.

Okay, great.

I'm just kidding.

No, what's the best tip

you ever got?

To buy Apple.

That's funny, you're funny.

Yeah, people have accused

me of that.

Er, so can I get some

candles, maybe?

Whoa, whoa, what has

gotten into you tonight?

Well, you know, for the

tub, you know.

Er, 'Be Prepared', Boy

Scout motto.

Wait, you were a Boy Scout?

Er, Cub, but highly decorated.

Oh, I wish I could have

known you then.

Honey, that's almost weird,

you'd be way too old for me.

I bet you were a hot,

little Cub Scout.

Honey... I think she's having

a Chinese reaction to the wine.

Huh?

The biggest tip I've

ever gotten, 500 pounds.

Holy moly.

Is this 'Natural Born Killer'...

making you an 'Indecent

Proposal'?

Oh...

Hey, you can tell me, 'White

Men Can't Jump'.

Oh, that's, that's good.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, right, right.

Hey, yeah... that's sizeable.

Okay, here you go.

That's a little you know what?

I'm not gonna be able to meet

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