Love & Air Sex

Do you have

a preference here?

Um, I...

I don't, do you?

Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna be honest,

I just don't know anything.

I know absolutely

nothing about wines. Okay.

I'll tell you how I

make my decision. Uh-huh?

I go...

Cheapest? No, the second

cheapest.

This is a date,

okay? I'm trying to...

You know, I'm trying to...

So, second cheapest. Right.

Second cheapest.

Is that cool?

What do you, um...

So, what are you

doing after this?

Do you have plans?

Do you have another...

I'm free, I'm free. Oh, good.

I'm glad to hear that, because...

I don't know, you seem to be having a

good time. I'm having a very good time.

Thanks.

Thank you so much.

Enjoy.

That's the weird thing

that you like to order.

Yeah, I think you'll

love it. It's a liver pate.

Oh, that sounds good.

Liver pate.

It was just,

I wanted to thank you.

Oh, no, no,

no, absolutely.

Don't mind us. Oh, I'm

so sorry, sir. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

You don't have to apologize

that much, he's gonna be okay.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

What are you, um...

So what do you...

I saw a dash of fear.

So they take the...

Okay, I get a little...

I swear!

Oh, God, I actually feel

completely comfortable,

it's just... Oh.

I...

I can tell you...

This is what it's like.

This is what you can afford.

What I can afford?

Here, I'll clean it up.

What is wrong

with you, dude?

That's really shitty.

No, that's... Nope.

It's already rough.

I not gonna do that,

that's crazy.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

F***.

F*** it.

You've reached

the voice mailbox of...

My fat dick!

Jeff! What's up, man?

It's Stan.

Uh, been a while! Listen...

Guess who's coming

to Austin tomorrow?

Oh, crazy,

last-minute thing, but, I...

I miss you, bud.

So, wondered if you could

pick me up at the airport.

I'll text you the details.

Sorry it's out of the blue,

but, um...

It'll be good to see you,

and your fat dick!

That's me?

Hey!

What the f***, Stan?

Hey...

What are you doing here?

I'm in town

for the weekend!

The douchebag

isn't picking you up, is he?

You mean Jeff? Don't

say his name, I just ate.

Okay, what's going on?

Are you guys not together?

No, we're not,

actually, ever, ever again.

So, what are you

doing here?

You're joking, right?

What?

Hmm, this is accidental,

you showing up in Austin,

this weekend, out of all weekends?

What are you talking about?

Are you trying to lie to

me right now, Stan? What?

Sh*t.

Who's that?

I just... I miss her, Kara.

I miss her so bad.

And I just felt like if I...

She has made a lot of progress

these past six months,

no thanks to you

and your little "second thought,

I'm depressed" blues. I am depressed.

I know you are, but you are not gonna

call her. You're not gonna text her.

No coming by my house,

no El Azteca.

No Dog & Duck. Okay, wait, wait, wait...

Okay, no! No. You are not

here. Do you understand me?

She doesn't own Austin.

No, I do.

It really feels like

you're taking sides here.

Just get the f***

out of here!

I've gotta get this b*tch

to buy me some brisket.

Are you gonna

leave her alone?

It's a small town.

Stan,

I don't know if you can see me,

It says Backdoor Tacos on it, I have my

left hand extended. Can you be more specific?

Mmm, I don't see you. Um... It's

green, there's some tassels on it.

Uh, I'm sitting in the

front seat. Hey, buddy.

Brought the truck?

What happened to your car?

Car was repoed, kind of a

sensitive subject, please get in.

Um, are you okay?

I'm fine.

I like your hair.

I don't.

So, have you seen

Jeff at all?

Nope.

Have you guys talked?

Nope.

You know she has

a superpower?

Did you know that?

She has a superpower.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

She can make

a check turn invisible

when it lands on the table.

I swear to God, man.

One time I sat there

for f***ing 45 minutes.

I was just curious, I just wanted

to see what was gonna happen.

She's just sipping

her water and chatting.

The waiter comes over and he's like,

"Excuse me, I'd like to close out now. "

And she's just sipping

her water and chatting.

Finally, I pick her f***ing

thing up and she says,

"Oh, thank you

so much, sweetie!"

Like all of a sudden,

the check f***ing exists.

F*** that sh*t!

So, otherwise you've

been good? So good, man.

I love being

single so much.

What about you?

How's New York?

Oh, um...

Fine.

Classes?

Interesting.

Really hard.

Dr. Morgan.

So dope!

What?

Yeah, in like six years.

What's up with you,

man, huh?

Coochie, coochie-coo!

Really?

Any guys that are

worth a sh*t?

Oh, my God, dude,

the girls in LA...

Really?

Woo!

I'm not really in the state of

mind where I think I'd notice.

Well, you have come to

Austin, Texas on a good night,

because I've lined

something up for this evening

that will have us

literally eating p*ssy.

I don't think you mean...

Dude, don't doubt on...

Oh, you'll notice.

Tonight, you'll notice.

What! Get out of my holes!

Oh, man.

Thanks!

No problem. You got it?

Yes.

Okay.

Um, what is that?

Oh, yeah.

That's Jeff's sh*t.

I threw it out.

And he just left it here?

He's too scared to come by.

This is it?

Yep.

Hop out.

Why?

'Cause my door doesn't work,

you have to get out. Still?

Yeah, still.

So, how do you

know this guy?

It's Redge.

Who's Redge?

Redge, he's...

He's old-school.

Yeah,

you spread it.

You spread it and then you f***

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What up? Dude, you gotta see this, dude.

Okay, okay.

You have to see this.

Stan, this is Joe.

Yo!

Oh, hey, man.

What's up, dude?

You live here, too?

Neat. This is Redge,

over here. He owns the place.

Hey, what's up... Hollywood!

Hey.

I'm gonna sleep on the couch,

you're gonna sleep on the floor.

Cool, thanks, man,

I appreciate it.

Yeah, man,

no problem, just,

the toilet doesn't work so

you've gotta pee-pee in the sink

and poo-poo at 7-Eleven.

Fantastic.

Joseph, let's see it.

Yeah!

She's so f***ing wet,

look at that!

F***, yeah. Now, turn

around, make her eat your ass.

Ass-eating time,

munch it.

It's time.

Oh, yeah, f*** her.

Ahh! Yeah, that's it,

that's it! Ooh!

Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

All right, all right.

That was fun.

What was that?

Oh, he nailed it.

It's air sex.

What is that, air sex? You

don't know what air sex...

I thought you said

he was from LA?

It's kind of a big deal. Okay.

Focus on me

right now, guys.

Does this take place

on the astral plane?

Or in a fantasy world?

No, this happens

here in real life.

Do the laws of physics

apply here? Absolutely.

Here's what

I'm seeing.

Whoa, what are you

seeing? I'm seeing you

laying on the ground

being sixty-nined,

and then when you say

"Have her eat your ass. "

You sit up, she's

magically underneath you.

Are you f***ing a ghost?

Let's all slow down.

Nobody's done a f***ing ghost routine,

that's a good idea, we should do a

ghost routine. Listen, okay, that's fine,

but if you're gonna f*** a ghost, we

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