Love Actually

[Man Narrating]

Whenever I get gloomy

with the state of the world,

I think about the arrivals gate

at Heathrow Airport.

General opinion's starting to make out

that we live in a world ofhatred and greed,

but I don't see that.

Seems to me that love is everywhere.

Often it's not particularly dignified

or newsworthy, but it's always there.

Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters,

husbands and wives,

boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers,

as far as I know,

none of the phone calls from the people

on board were messages ofhate or revenge.

They were all messages oflove.

If you look for it,

I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find

that love actually...

is all around.

# I feel it in my fingers #

# I feel it in my toes #

# I feel it in my toes, yeah #

- # And so the... #

- I'm afraid you did it again, Bill.

[Sighs]

It's just I know the old version

so well, you know.

Well, we all do.

- That's why we're making

the new version.

- Right, okay, let's go.

# I feel it in my fingers #

# In my fingers #

# I feel it in my toes #

# Love is all... #

Oh, f***!

Wank, bugger, shitting,

arsehead and hole!

[Inhales Sharply]

Start again.

# I feel it in my toes #

# Christmas is all around me #

# So my feeling grows #

# It's everywhere I go #

# Everywhere I go #

- # So if you really love Christmas #

- # Love Christmas #

# Come on and let it snow #

- # Come on and let it snow #

- This is sh*t, isn't it?

Yep, solid gold sh*t, maestro.

God, I'm so late.

It's just round the corner.

You'll make it.

Are you sure... you don't mind

me going without you?

No, really.

I'm just feeling so rotten.

I love you.

I know.

I love you even when you're sick

and look disgusting.

I know. Now go,

or you will actually miss it.

Right.

- Did I mention that I love you?

- Yes, you did.

Get out, loser.

Karen, it's me again.

I'm sorry, l... I literally don't have

anybody else to talk to.

Absolutely. Horrible moment

right now, though. Can I call you back?

- Of course.

- Doesn't mean I'm not terribly concerned

that your wife just died.

Understood.

Uh, bugger off and call me later.

- So what's this big news, then?

- We've been given our parts

in the nativity play.

[Gasps]

And I'm the lobster.

The lobster?

Yeah.

In the nativity play?

Yeah.

First lobster.

There was more than one lobster present

at the birth ofJesus?

Duh.

Best sandwiches in Britain.

Try my lovely nuts?

Beautiful muffin for a beautiful lady.

Morning, my future wife.

[Man]

Okay, you can stop there? Thanks.

Dave, I'm gonna need a couple

of orange gels please, mate.

By the way, he introduced me as John,

but actually everyone calls meJack.

Oh, fine.

Nice to meet you, Jack.

He got me right, though.

I'm justJudy.

Oh, great, JustJudy.

[Giggles]

No surprises?

No surprises.

Not like the stag night?

Unlike the stag night.

Do you admit the Brazilian

prostitutes were a mistake?

I do.

And it would have been much better

if they'd not turned out to be men?

That is true.

Good luck, kiddo.

[Crowd Cheering]

[Man]

Prime Minister, over here.!

Thank you.

Welcome, Prime Minister.

[Moans]

I must work on my wave.

How are you?

How are you feeling?

Um, cool, powerful.

Would you like to meet

your household staff?

Yes, I would like that very much indeed.

Anything to put off

actually running the country.

This is Terence.

He's in charge.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

I had an uncle called Terence once.

Hated him.

I think he was a pervert.

But I very much like the look of you.

[Chuckles]

This is Pat.

Hello, Pat.

Good morning, sir.

I'm the housekeeper.

Oh, right. Well, should be

a lot easier with me

than with the last lot.

No nappies, no teenagers,

no scary wife.

And this is Natalie.

She's new, like you.

Hello, Natalie.

Hello, David.

I mean, sir. Sh*t, I can't believe

I've just said that.

[Chuckles]

And now I've gone

and said "sh*t." Twice.

I'm so sorry, sir.

It's fine, it's fine.

You could have said "f***" and

then we'd have been in real trouble.

Thank you, sir.

I did have an awful premonition

I was gonna f*** up on my first day.

Oh, piss it.

Right. I'll go get my things.

And then let's fix the country,

shall we?

Yeah, I can't see why not.

It's all right.

Did you see what I did?

Yes, I did.

Just went blah.

Hello there.

Yes, and I'm in here.

Okay, good. Thank you.

[Sighs]

Oh, no.

That is so inconvenient.

[Man]

In the presence of God,

Peter and Juliet have

given their consent...

and made their marriage vows

to each other.

They have declared their marriage

by the giving and receiving of rings.

I therefore proclaim

that they are husband and wife.

And you resisted the temptation

for surprises?

Yeah, I'm mature now.

- # Love, love, love #

- Did you do this?

Uh, no.

# [Organ]

# There's nothing you can do

that can't be done #

Oh, it's...

# There's nothing you can say

but you can learn how to play the game #

# It's easy #

# All you need is love #

Hello. What the hell

are you doing here?

Oh, I just, uh, popped over

to borrow some old CDs.

- The lady of the house let you in, did she?

- Uh, yeah.

- Lovely, obliging girl.

- Yeah.

I just thought I'd pop back before

the reception, see if she's better.

This is good.

- Oh.

- Listen, um, I've been thinking.

I think perhaps

we ought to take Mum out

for her birthday on Friday.

What do you think?

I just feel we've been bad sons this year.

Okay.

Sounds fine.

A bit, you know, boring, but fine.

Hurry up, big boy.

I'm naked and I want you at least twice

beforeJamie gets home.

[Whimpers]

[Girl]

I am so happy to see you guys.

Delicious delicacy?

Uh, no, thanks.

Taste explosion?

Food?

No, thanks.

Yeah, a bit dodgy, isn't it?

Looks like a dead baby's finger.

Eew.

Oh, yeah, tastes like it too.

I'm Colin, by the way.

I'm Nancy.

Wicked.

And what do you do, Nancy?

I'm a cook.

Ever do weddings?

Yes, I do.

They should have asked you

to do this one.

They did.

God, I wish you hadn't

have turned it down.

I didn't.

[Nervous Laugh]

Right.

I have just worked out

why I can never find true love.

Why's that?

English girls.

They're stuck up, you see.

And I am primarily attractive to girls

who are, you know, cooler,

game for a laugh.

Like American girls.

So I should just go to America.

I would get a girlfriend there instantly.

What do you think?

I think it's crap, Colin.

No, that's where you're wrong.

American girls would seriously dig me

with my cute British accent.

- You don't have a cute British accent.

- Yes, I do!

I'm going to America.

Colin.

You're a lonely, ugly arsehole

and you must accept it.

Never. I am Colin, God of Sex.

I'm just on the wrong continent,

that's all.

A bit of quiet while

we finish the lighting, guys.

I tell you, I thought I was

never gonna make it here today.

The traffic was just...

Oh, unbelievable.

Judy, um, could you take

the top off this time?

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