Love And Other Drugs

---

Whoo!

Oh, yeah! Yeah, you want to dance?

You don't mind if I get up in there, do you?

- This is kind of sexy.

- Yeah. Love it!

You're kind of sexy.

You should take one of these.

Very lightweight on your shoulders, ladies.

Try it out, try it out. There you go.

Feels good, yeah?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Here.

Follow me, ladies.

Follow me to the cash register.

I see you guys.

You guys look like you smoke weed, right?

Okay, you're gonna smoke a bowl,

you're gonna buy one of these TVs.

Philips, all right.

You know, you're kind of high, feels good.

Samsung, kind of last year.

Magnavox, bam!

That's an explosion!

You're stoned, it'll blow your mind!

You want to go really small, I got this one.

Really small. Look at this flip-phone. Look.

"Hello, Joan. What are you doing?"

- "I don't know. What are you doing?"

- "I'm great. "

- You are so bad.

- Guys? Christy.

Hey.

Said one, two princes kneel before you

That's what I said now

Here, take my card. Take my card.

Take my card. Okay? Take my card.

Go, Joan. Go, Joan. Go, Joan. Go, Joan.

In the house. Go, Joan. Go, Joan.

Oh. Sorry, Joan.

Okay, squeeze the nipple.

Squeeze the nipple. Harder.

Okay. Oh, my God!

- What are you doing?

- Feel that.

We can't do this. Jerry's right out there.

He can watch.

What makes you so damn sexy?

Oh, my God.

I promise you, man,

you'll ever need for a living room.

Excuse me.

- Hello?

- Oh, Jesus. Harder.

Oh!

- Okay. Oh!

- What the...

You f***ing piece of sh*t!

You f***ed up son of a b*tch!

Christy! What the hell is wrong with you?

- How can I ever trust you again?

- I don't know. I'm so sorry.

- What the f*** is wrong with you?

- No, I...

You know, Fujitsu makes the same unit

for 40 bucks less.

- Really?

- Yeah, but they don't sell it here.

Oh...

But I could get it for you, if you want.

Oh! Are you, like, okay?

Oh.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Give me your number.

I'll let you know when I have it.

Um...

- What's your name?

- Amber.

- You have beautiful eyes.

- Shut the f*** up, Christy!

You.

Don't you ever f***ing come in here again!

You know what? You owe me commission

on $54,000 worth of second-rate,

knock-off, gray-market, off-brand,

overpriced equipment, you son of a b*tch.

I'll f***ing kill you, you piece of sh*t!

You know what?

Why don't you just send it to me?

Christy knows the address.

Amber! 434-6603!

Why don't you tell Daddy

what a downtown Chicago hospital

is really like?

Patient brought in with chills,

nausea, ischemia, clearly in shock.

Did you do a CBC?

Excuse me, our protocols didn't

exist when you went to medical school.

Oh! Yes, I've been under a rock

these past 30 years.

How many transdermal intubations

have you personally done?

My dear, I teach medicine. I no longer

sully my hands touching actual patients.

- Ha!

- Touch patients?

Why would anybody want to do that?

You are not allowed in this conversation.

Excuse me. I've helped more patients

than you ever will.

Can I pour this drink on your head?

What is wrong with getting rich?

God only knows you can't do that

in medicine anymore.

- He's right about that!

- Don't help him justify his laziness.

I already justified my laziness.

It's called $35 million on my first IPO.

Jamie, help me.

- He's a geek who got lucky.

- And he'll always be a geek.

Yeah? Well, this geek

is taking back your shares.

I don't blame you.

The profession was ruined

when they let women in.

I'm killing both of you.

I'm killing all of you

if you don't get in there and sit down.

And we get to keep all the shares.

- Ugh!

- All right.

Jamie!

Of course, it really happened.

Who wants to see

a movie about protesting?

Whatever.

To the sale of Josh's company!

- Whatever the hell it does.

- Yes!

Long live medical software.

And med school dropouts everywhere.

You'd better give

some of this money away,

- that's all I have to say.

- Not gonna happen.

Jamie, what are you up to these days?

- Jamie's selling high-end stereo equipment.

- Ha!

Not anymore.

What do you mean?

Well, let's just say Jamie had

a falling out with management.

I thought you were in real estate.

I am looking for other opportunities.

We're living through the greatest creation

of wealth in modern history,

and my brother decides to quit.

Josh has been talking to me

about pharmaceutical sales.

Pharmaceutical sales?

Pharmaceutical sales.

You know, medicine that's

supposed to help people get better.

Remember Timmy,

my roommate from Brown?

He's a VP at Pfizer. So I said to Jamie,

"Jamie, if you suck on my cock,

I'll get you an interview. "

- Oh, Josh, watch your mouth!

- Watch your mouth!

I said no, Mom. I said no.

Why would you wanna be

a pharmaceutical rep?

"Why would you wanna be

a pharmaceutical rep?"

Because it's the only entry-level job in

America that pays over 100 grand a year.

- That's why.

- No.

Those people come into our office

with their roller bags and samples,

like door-to-door-salesmen.

They are door-to-door-salesmen,

only what they're selling

grosses $87 billion a year!

Yeah, and they're turning

complex medical decisions

- into Madison Avenue impulse buying.

- Oh, my God.

Look, I'm not selling to the patients, okay?

No. No, the patients just see

the commercials on TV...

I'm not even doing the job yet!

...and demand their name-brand drugs

from the doctors...

Calm down, you're freaking out.

- ... and there you are to supply them.

This is so crazy

that you're yelling at me for nothing!

I'm not doing it!

If you barbarians won't be still

and finish this lamb,

none of you will get the chocolate cake.

Yes, Mom!

Oh, Jamie,

if you could make money f***ing,

you'd be even richer than me.

I'll call the Pfizer guy in the morning.

Let's welcome the class of 1997 trainees!

This is not a pill. This is tens

of millions of dollars in research.

This is thousands of hours of hard labor.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is software.

Your training will last six weeks.

Each of you will leave here

a fully qualified health care professional.

That's 33% fewer phone calls

for you at 4:
00 a. m.

That's 33% less angry... Sh*t!

Your job will be to go fight illness.

Hello... F***!

Sh*t!

Ah! F***! Ah! Sh*t! Ow!

Off-label uses are benefits

not yet recognized by the FDA.

But you can boost sales

by hinting at what these uses are.

Hello, Doctor.

Do you know that prescribing Zithromax...

Prescribing Zithromax...

Bonjour, Doctor!

Prescribing Zithromax... Zithromax.

Ah!

Zoloft, a drug approved solely

for the treatment of depression.

Off-label uses:
alcoholism, bulimia, PMS,

smoking, social anxiety.

Is there a question?

Zoloft has been associated

with suicidal ideation in teenagers.

Unproven.

Proven. Unreported.

Your job will be to

go share this technology.

Your job will be to go save lives.

The health care industry today

is worth $2 trillion a year.

The top 10 pharma companies

make more money

than all 490 of the other

Fortune 500 companies combined.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes