Love At First Hiccup

Third day of high school and I, -

Victor Knudsen was hit by epidemic.

And we're not talking about your

everyday epidemic like chicken pox.

- Or the flu. Nope, we're talking

a case of total, incurable -

- "Anya-itis".

Hello, gorgeous.

It's not so much the fact -

- that she's the most beautiful girl

in the history of the world.

It's that... well...

- Whassup, ladies?

- Hey, Peter!

Why don't you boys

go park my precious?

Sure thing, Peter.

If you scratch her, you die.

Open house this evening.

Please come by.

Nothing feels quite like expensive

wheels. Not even sex.

You ladies should stop by Nick

and Ernie's party tonight, -

- it's gonna be

off the hook.

Especially you mama. I'll make sure

you're on the VIP list.

Take a hike, losers.

They'd never set foot

at your retarded little party.

Yo, Vic!

Hey, Vic!

Is he even alive?

Come on, this is your big chance.

Never mind the fact that she's

the world's most unattainable girl.

And that's... maybe her boyfriend.

Just walk on up to herand

invite her to Ernie's party tonight.

So what if she's a Senior?

Nothing. It means nothing.

Oh my god, what a smile!

I don't think we've been introduced.

Huh, no we haven't.

Those eyes...

My name's Vic...

"Viccup"?

That sure looks like your geek brother

trying to score.

How freaking stupid can you be,

trying to score a Senior?

Must run in the family. You wrote

Paris Hilton, didn't you?

She's not a senior now, is she?

Besides, she's much more mature

than high school chicks.

Right.

We could make the catastrophic film

of the century...

...about Victor and Anya.

"What not to do

when one wants to get some ass".

We're gonna win Sundance!

You do the directing,

I'll cast the floozies.

- Score!

- Yeah!

I think Esmeralda is just about ready...

Adios, mamacita.

Now there's p*ssy in the air, boys.

- She sure does slide nicely.

- Why Esmeralda?

We can name her Anya if you prefer.

What do you think Ernest?

This is America,

we can all dream, right?

- Do you think she'll come?

- Not the first few times.

Victor, my man, she's a senior.

You'd have a better chance

trying to score Angelina Jolie.

I don't exactly think she walks around

dreaming about a 15 year old -

- who's never had any,

except his own right hand.

- Get lost, you little rug rat!

- Alright, fine, I'll leave.

I'm sorry, -

- I thought you were my hideous

little brother and his stupid camera.

I don't think

Brian looks this great in a dress.

Very sexy. You're out for some

trouble tonight, aren't you?

- Aren't I always?

- Yeah.

- Anya's bedroom, take four.

- Marker!

Brian and Zack, that's it!!

Get the hell out of my room!

One more time from the top, Sis.

And maybe you could lose

the bathrobe in this take?

Out now!

Keep that expression, Anya.

You're totally challenging

Uma Thurman in Kill Bill!

Get out! Scram!

Come on Anya, get dressed.

The Froshes are having a party

and we're crashing it!

What, Freshmen?

Sure you'll fit right in.

They don't have sex either.

Thanks.

- Hey, Ernie!

- What's up, baby?

No sandals next time, buddy.

We're running a classy joint here.

Luckily, I'm in a good mood. Hello.

Wearing dancing shoes.

So, have you seen her yet?

If you are referring to your lady

friend Anya, she was just here.

- I told her to take a hike.

- You did what?

She didn't have an invitation, man.

What do you want from me?

But she doesn't,

she doesn't need a... a...

Bu, bu, but...

Okay, geez, I'm just joking.

That broad has totally ruined

your sense of humor.

Madames, proceed to

the Garden of Eden.

Nice!

Yo, this place is packed with hotties.

Forget about Anya and just grab

whatever you can get.

Which isn't a whole lot, -

- but, you know, there's gotta

be someone desperate enough.

Man, you are a lost cause. Go make

sure Ernie's still standing, will you?

Come on, lets just try to get into

"Avalon" instead.

Peter just texted me and said it'd be

happening tonight.

Peter should just be happy you are

practicing on some toddlers.

Thanks for the confidence.

- Are you still scared?

- Of what?

Of actually doing it with Peter.

No.

I mean, when we're alone together

he's really nice and....

He says

all the right things, it's just...

Anya, if you don't wanna do it,

you shouldn't do it.

I do want to, I'm ready!

I don't know. I guess I'm just not sure

if he's the right one.

Listen, you can't just throw away a

woman's greatest treasure, -

- just because he wants you to.

You have to wait

for your one true love.

The one you're gonna marry.

- What was that?

- It's in the Bible.

You guys ever hear of role playing?

You got it, doll.

Two of Ernie's famous home juice.

Get lost girls, Hanna Montana

starts in 5 minutes.

What was that?

Hi...

Such a lovely dress you're wearing,

Anya.

Nice fabric. They don't

make them like that anymore.

I just bought it, so I guess they do.

Okay, Tom Ford, fashion week is over.

- I'm Victor.

- Hi.

Are you coming or what?

It's the nicest dress

I've seen all night.

Okay.

That freshie really liked your dress.

Hey, let's make a bet,

whoever gets a freshie hooked first, -

- has to pick up the tab

later on at Avalon.

You're on.

It's the nicest dress

I've seen all night?

That's the dumbest thing

I've said in my entire life!

Ooooh!

Freak out time!

Just, just, just walk up to her

and say...

"Anya, baby, let's, let's groove.

I got some... R-rated moves for ya."

Dude, what are you

doing in here, boy?

Okay. Don't mind me.

Hey, come on, close the door,

it's not that big.

Or, is it?

Come on, you guys, walk!

You can do it. One foot afterthe other.

Don't tell me

you're talking to yourfeet, Vic?

- No, I, I....

- Just go on up to her, man. Come on.

Just do it, Vic.

Do it, man,

Here comes your lover boy to

comment on your dress again.

I sense your credit card's

gonna hit the limit tonight.

Victor, my man, you obviously have

something important to say.

I'm, I'm sorry, what was that?

Any hiccup experts in the house?

I know a good trick.

Come on, you've tortured Victor

long enough.

So Victor, do you want me to try

to fix these hiccups of yours?

I'll give you a great, big kiss if you

can do one more hiccup for me.

Victor?

Victor?

Victor!

So, what will it be, big boy?

Go, buddy!

I, I can't do it.

But the most important thing is that

your hiccups are cured, right?

Guess I'm stuck paying the tab

tonight.

That's the price you have to pay for

having such a "lovely dress".

- Hey, I got the hiccups too!

- No, no, no, no, I do!

She would have kissed me!

Zachary Jaaaaaaaaames!!!!

That's my name, don't wear it out.

I got the copyright, lady.

You know I can't stand spiders!

Then it's a good thing

it's made out of licorice.

Where did I go wrong?

- When you and dad were getting....

- Yes, thank you, young man.

Sounds like you woke up your mom,

Zachary.

- Good morning.

- Hi, Dad.

What about Victor? Is he up yet?

The old booze hound is hung over.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes