Love Birds

Can

Anybody

Find me

Somebody to love?

Each morning I get up, I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

Take a look

Take a look in the mirror and cry

In the mirror

And cry

Lord, what you're doing to me?

I have spent all my years

In believing you

But I just can't get no relief, Lord

Somebody

Somebody

Ooh, somebody

Somebody

Can anybody find me

Somebody to love?

I work hard

He works hard

Every day of my life

I work till I ache my bones...

Morning! Cup of tea?

Sorry,

The power and the water needs paying.

I'm leaving some money towards it here.

You going somewhere, hon?

I'm leaving you, Doug.

Well, that's it? I don't understand.

Is it something I've done?

Oh, come on, Doug.

You're still in your parents' house.

Your job is going nowhere.

You have a degree

and you work in a road gang.

You can't just leave.

I love you.

Doug, please.

I promise to change.

Nothing has changed in two years.

Except me.

Got nobody left to believe!

Hey, Flash.

Mate, you sure

this is the right place?

Yeah, it's the right place, Gurn.

Oh, no!

Oh!

Sh*t!

Oh, no!

Whoo-hoo!

You're joking.

Mr. Watson?

Someone to see you.

He says he's a friend.

Flash!

Hey!

Come in. God,

I haven't seen you since, um...

I don't know.

How's Susan?

She left me.

Ouch, eh?

It's a bummer, man.

Yeah.

Let's face it.

She always was higher-octane

than your engine was designed for.

You know?

I mean, no, it's a stinker, but, um...

maybe it's for the best.

For the best?

Yeah.

I love her.

I thought we were a couple.

Well, no. I know.

It's like a kick in the gonads

when that happens.

Or so I hear.

It's my heart, Craig.

It's not my gonads.

What am I gonna do?

You want my advice?

Yeah.

Yep?

Well, you've got to get on with your life.

I guess so.

Yeah. Oh, there's the spirit.

Onwards and outwards.

Hey, and you give us a ring sometime.

We're gonna grab a beer, OK?

Yeah, That'd be...

Be good.

Can we talk about this?

Us?

I love you.

I love you. Love you.

Yes, It's a hard life

Two lovers together

To love and live forever

In each other's hearts

It's a long, hard fight

To learn to care for each other

To trust in one another

right from the start

When you're in love...

Hey, shut up!

Shut up, you... dog!

Oh! Just...

Get out, man! Go!

What are you doing up there?

You hurt?

Oh!

What the...? No!

Not inside the house! Go on!

Mongrel! Get that duck out of here!

Come back!

Get out! This is my house!

Ha! Got ya!

Right, you! Go on! Get out.

Yes.

Good riddance.

Bloody duck.

You can't

keep him here, mate.

I'm sure there's health and safety

rules about this sort of thing.

What am I supposed to do? Can't keep

him at home. He'll just trash the place.

Why don't you take him to a vet?

- Nah.

Vets are a bloody rip-off.

Well, it's, um...

It's munted, right?

Maybe we should just... you know,

just put it out of its misery.

We just close up the box

and we roll over it with the, um...

Oh!

Eh?

Eh? Come on. It'll be painless.

Dude, it doesn't sound painless.

Well, we can have it for lunch.

Yeah, you put mud all around it and

you put it in a hole in the ground.

Build a fire over it. Leave it for an hour.

We're not eating it.

It's just a bird.

They're filthy animals.

Maybe you should take it to the zoo.

Zoos take animals, don't they?

Come on, little one.

That's it.

Gonna see some children now.

That's it. Shh!

We'll put you in this cage, OK?

That's it. Take it easy.

Good girl.

Oh! Bollocks!

Sorry.

Sorry. I'm...

I'm just looking for the, uh...

the bird expert...

...keeper person.

Well, you've found her.

What can I do for you?

Ah, it's this duck.

I think it's injured.

Well, he needs a vet, then,

doesn't it?

Well, the thing is,

it's not really my duck.

Look, we're not a refuge

for broken birds. I'm sorry.

Come on! Here we go.

I thought you might have, like,

a bird hospital or something.

Yeah, right next to

the bird fire station.

Yep.

I'm kind of busy. So...

Right.

OK. Here we go, little one.

So it'll fit here somewhere?

No.

No?

It won't fit anywhere.

Must be somewhere I can take a duck.

It's not a duck.

I'm pretty sure it is.

Oh, so you're the bird expert now,

are you?

Well, no. It's just...

I mean, that's a duck. Isn't it?

The traditional method of feeding

zoo animals from a feed pan...

It's a shelduck.

...does little to stimulate

complex feeding behaviours.

Oh, well, great. See? There you go.

I wouldn't have known that.

So it's better off here,

isn't it, really?

No, Look, um...

Give you the name of someone

who might be able to help you.

Now, some of the food

that we feed the animals

you might not think of as food.

It's the Easter bunny.

Oh, Jesus. Here.

Look him up. Give him a call.

Who wants to see a more pork, hey?

Oh, isn't he gorgeous?

Putangitangi,

the paradise shelduck,

is endemic to New Zealand.

It can be found

nowhere else in the world.

When discovered by Captain Cook,

he called it the painted duck,

an inadequate description, I feel.

You know a lot about ducks.

Thank you, Ginger.

Actually, they have more in common

with swans and geese

than they do with ducks.

I'm a, uh, vet by trade

but a twitcher by volition.

A twitcher?

Birdwatcher.

Oh.

I've always loved birds.

They do something that we...

...humans can't do.

They... fly unaided.

Rather magical animals,

as far as I'm concerned.

Well, let's have a look.

Yes, he has been shot.

No sign of a female friend

when you found him?

No.

Many people believe

that they mate for life,

so that if they lose a mate,

then that's it.

He's on his own.

Your friend's flying days are over.

He can't fend for himself.

So I think the most humane thing

to do would be to put him down.

Oh...

Or...

...I could bind his wing and we could

try to find him a foster home.

Well, that sounds good.

Someone will need to

look after him in the meantime.

Right.

So, how long?

Couple of days, maybe a week.

Hmm?

Yeah. Alright.

I'll do it. I can do that.

Right, what...

What does he eat?

Well, shelducks usually

graze on seeds and grasses

with the odd worm thrown in.

However, tinned peas will be fine.

Tinned peas?

Mm-hm.

Alright.

Mum, look!

He's strange.

Sorry.

I like your duck.

Thank you.

Have you had him long?

No, I'm just looking after it

for a while.

That was the duck.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, see you later.

'Bye.

It shouldn't take too long.

I should have it all ready to... go!

My God!

Christ on a bike.

I really didn't think

he'd stoop to this.

This is nuts!

Is this...

Ew.

Fine!

If he wants to trash my stuff...

...I'll bloody show him.

Is it true that penguins

mate once a year?

Yeah.

Lucky bastards.

I don't know

what you're laughing at.

When was the last time

you got lucky?

Actually, I'm very happy

being a penguin.

You're not a penguin, Holly.

You're a bloody penguin nun.

Yeah.

Sh*t!

This is all your fault.

Susan?

Hey, Flash. I guess you're not

coming back to work today, huh?

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