Love Birds Page #2

No.

It all sort of got out of hand.

You know, just...

Just trying to

get rid of the duck. So...

I'm just gonna see you tomorrow.

You'll see me tonight, mate.

It's quiz night.

Oh. Yeah.

Of course. Yep.

I'll see you then.

Oh, oh. Hey. Hey,

and bring the duck.

He can't be any worse

than the other two, right?

Sure.

Sure, make yourself at home.

What did that guy

with the duck want?

He found it, wanted to know

what to do with it.

He was quite cute.

Well, he could walk and talk.

Like I said, cute.

This pond still isn't

draining properly.

It needs rooting out, I think.

You should probably...

give it a good seeing-to.

Get... Just get in there

and give it a poking.

I know what you're doing,

and I'm... I'm not...

This isn't.,, I'm not amused.

Really not amused.

- Does it like beer?

- No. No.

No!

Come on!

Focus, you lot.

- It's time to get serious.

- OK!

The category is

'All Creatures Great and Small'.

A group of bees is called... what?

A shoal. A shoal of bees.

No. Don't be stupid.

It's a hive.

Oh, no, no. A hive is where they live.

It's a, um...

It's a swarm. Isn't it, Doug?

Doug.

A swarm. A swarm of bees.

Bees. Yeah, yeah, a swarm.

If you guys are wrong,

you're shouting the next round.

Not gonna happen, dickjam.

Who you calling dickjam, numbnuts?

Want me to numb your nuts, eh?

Hey!

You don't see the Professors arguing!

Well, they don't have to.

They've got two PhDs, a bloody

astronomer and a sports journalist.

Unbeatable.

I am an animal from Greek mythology,

the harbinger of death.

I take the form of dogs,

dolphins and birds.

Psychopomp.

A cycle pump?

That's not a word.

I read it in a Stephen King book.

These birds pecked a dude to death.

Yeah, that makes sense,

'cause birds are evil bastards.

How does Susan feel about

having a flying rat in the house?

Doug!

Are you OK, mate?

Susan left me.

Oh.

I'm sorry. I'm just not...

I'm not up for this.

You're better without me.

And don't forget your dinner.

Cheers, man.

Look after yourself, eh?

I'll call you tomorrow.

'All Creatures Great and Small'.

The raptor family consists

of what type of bird?

Dr. Dre.

What?!

Dr. Dre the raptor.

"A psychopomp

is the guide of lost souls,

"a mediator between the conscious

and the unconscious realms,

"life and death.

"Their role is not to

judge the deceased

"but to provide a safe passage

to the next life."

Well, at least I know

you're not judging me.

What was she like? Your mate?

Maybe you shouldn't answer that.

I had a bath with Susan once.

We lit some candles,

opened a bottle of wine,

put on some music.

It was quite fancy.

Little bit cramped, though.

The tap kept sticking into my back.

She had to move.

Leaned a bit too close to the...

the candle.

Her hair caught fire.

Lucky we were in the bath.

Oh!

Steady on!

Hey, Donald. Look.

I've got to tell you, this is...

kind of a one-man deal.

Don't look so pleased with yourself.

This is not gonna be

a regular thing.

Great. Now I'm talking to a duck.

In a bath.

Whoa!

That is not a worm, OK?

Forget it! You're not coming in.

If you don't shut up,

I'll put you outside for the dog's dinner.

Arggh!

- Yeah, let's go!

- Come on, guys!

He's down like a clown!

This ain't fair.

You guys are, like, genetically

designed to be better at cricket.

"You guys"?

Alright.

What do you call

an Indian flying a plane?

You call him a pilot,

you pack of racists.

I can't believe I work with you people.

Ah, I'm not a racist.

Come on, guys.

Dude! You look terrible.

Oh, I didn't get any sleep

last night, did I?

Stupid duck kept trying

to get into my bedroom.

I should never

have had a bath with it.

A bath?

Yeah, well, he...

It doesn't matter, Look.

What are you...?

You're not working.

Well, you weren't here.

Oh, alright. Fair enough.

- Hello?

- Good news.

I've found someone to take your duck.

Great. Yeah, that is good news.

It's called Puddleduck Farm.

Everything's taken care of.

You can pop in any time.

They're expecting you.

Where is it?

'Bye.

Hello?

So, Mr. Crappy.

There'll be lots of birds there.

Birds of a feather.

You can flock together.

Be able to do all your duck stuff.

Might even meet a nice lady duck.

You never know.

Best of all, you'll be able to poo

anywhere you like.

Yes.

I thought you'd like that.

Bit of music, eh?

I want to break free

I want to break free...

I want to break free from your lies

You're so self-satisfied

I don't need you...

Well, look at that.

The duck likes Queen.

I've got to break free

God knows

God knows, I want to break...

Hello!

You must be Doug.

You can call me Aunty Jessamine.

Everyone does.

Hi.

We're very excited to have a new

addition to our happy little commune!

Aren't we, everyone?

That's good.

Oh, aren't they adorable?

They've all got their own hat!

And I've got a lovely one all

picked out for your little ducky.

Gareth, stop doing that to Darcy!

I've told you before, he doesn't like it!

Sometimes the boys can get a little...

...frisky with each other.

Oh.

Right.

Uh...

Oh... Bugger!

I must be mad.

Whoa! Watch out!

You moron duck!

Crazy. Whoa!

Nearly had us in the ditch.

Let's have this stupid hat off

for a start.

Come on.

You stay there.

That's your side, alright?

Now, just... Look,

put your seatbelt on, for a start.

Just stay...

Don't look at me like that.

Right, every species

has to be belted in,

Holly?

Yep?

Look. Um...

Doug.

Doug. Um...

Your little friend is a wild animal.

We're not a bird sanctuary.

I know. I just want some advice.

My advice is let him go.

Let him fend for himself.

Well, what if he can't?

Happens all the time.

It's called life.

Well...

He's staying with me.

So you're keeping him?

Yeah, I think I will.

Although there's just

a couple of issues.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

It keeps getting into the bed with me, which...

I know it's a bit weird, but...

I mean, he's a duck. So...

Have you tried closing the door?

I've done that, but he's very loud.

You can hear him on the other side.

I can't get much sleep.

OK. I can give you a few pointers.

But we'll probably have to see

the duck's environment.

My house?

Yes.

Don't we, Holly?

OK.

Um... OK, yeah.

I could give it... a quick look

and suggest some changes.

Changes?!

Look, do you want to get

a good night's sleep or not?

Yep.

OK.

Are you stealing that duck?

What? No.

What are you doing with it, then?

None of your business.

It is if you're stealing it.

Well, I'm not stealing it, alright?

It's my duck.

What's its name, then?

Excuse me?

Well, if it's your duck,

you must know its name.

Pierre.

Pierre? What kind of a name

is that for a pet? That's stupid.

You're stupid! Alright?

It's not a pet.

Then it's not yours.

Yes, it is!

Liar! You're a duck thief.

Everyone! He's stealing!

Shh!

I'm calling the police on you.

Not stealing.

Keep your noise down, alright?

I'm not a thief.

Don't call the cops.

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