Love Birds Page #3

You'll get into trouble.

Here!

Hey, give it back!

No! It's a toy anyway.

Is not!

Look, it's my duck,

and I'm taking him home. OK?

And you, mind your own beeswax.

Little brat!

Good day.

Maybe I am stuck.

Hello?

Hey, Craig. It's Doug.

I need your help with something.

Um...

Sure. What's up?

I'm gonna sell the house. Yeah.

It's time for me to move on.

Oh, good for you, Flash.

Thank you.

So I need a few pointers.

You know, how to sell it.

Where to invest.

You couldn't be in safer hands, mate.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of everything.

Cheers.

It's the least I could do, mate.

I'll be in touch.

Alright, man. See you.

Oh, crap!

You've got a call on line one.

Uh, tell them I'm busy.

It's the bank, Craig!

Then, uh...

I'm in Wellington.

Big deal in the offing.

Seriously!

I'm on the verge

of a major development deal.

Bankruptcy is what you're on

the bloody verge of, Craig.

Everyone who calls

is looking to get paid, and so am I.

Hey, come on.

Amanda.

There's more to this job

than money. Mmm?

If there's no money by tomorrow,

you're on your own.

Hey!

Now, he's just through here.

There he is.

Oh!

Hey. Got a couple of visitors.

- Lovely house.

- Yeah.

Oh!

Bit of a... bit of a Queen fan, I see.

- Yeah, I guess so.

- Yeah.

Get it from the old man.

He was quite the fanatic.

Was he?

Got all the albums.

Lovely.

Where are your parents now?

That's them there.

You're actually touching Dad.

It's alright.

He'd probably like it.

Oh, I didn't...

Uh... Well, he's, uh...

He's looking... He's looking good.

He's looking healthy.

Does he get out much?

Um, no.

I kind of keep him in this little area.

Right.

There's a stray dog. So...

Mm-hm.

I've got a little towel up there

with a view.

You'd be surprised how many

times he walks into that.

Right.

"It's a towel!"

But he can't understand me.

He'll probably need

somewhere to swim, though, so...

Yeah. I've got to get him

out of my bath. Yep, uh...

Sorry, your bath?

Mmm.

Thought you were...

trying to get him out of your bed.

Bed, not bath!

I don't share the bath with him.

That would be weird.

No.

I wouldn't have a bath with a duck.

What's wrong with the guy?

Yeah.

Oh. No. Just in the bed there.

So... Mmm.

Yeah.

Um...

Actually...

Are you OK?

Yeah. Just hang on a second.

OK.

Do you need, um...

Whoa!

That's not mine.

Sure.

So...

Paddling pool.

Oh. Oh, of course.

Had it since I was a kid.

Oh.

- Hey, it's a good start.

- Do you have a girlfriend?

Um...

No. Not really.

Sort of in between, I guess.

Yeah.

Pierre.

Look.

Pierre?

Yeah, it's... it's...

Oh, yeah, no. It's a good name.

It suits him, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. Yeah. Yeah.

I think so.

Come on. You'll like it.

I know. Look.

If we're gonna make this work,

you have to trust me, OK?

Come on, have a go.

Yes. In the pool.

You can do it!

Come on, mate. Here we go.

Wow. Look at that, eh?

- Just the basics there, OK?

- Right.

Clean water, good diet.

The more he sees this as his home,

the more respect he'll give it, so...

So no more crapping on the floor?

Well, no.

He's a duck, so...

Yeah.

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

OK.

'Bye.

Cool. See ya.

Cheers. See ya.

Doug's quite nice, isn't he?

God, you're unbelievable!

What?!

Do you never, ever stop?

He's single.

And he's got his own home.

You're insatiable.

And he's got a nice bottom.

He's got a nice bottom, has he?

Rise and shine, Auckland.

Life's calling.

Just gone 7:
00.

You're listening to AKFM.

Come on, let's kick-start the day

with a track for all you

hopeless romantics out there.

Queen, 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'.

This thing called love

I just can't handle It

This thing called love

I must get round to It

I ain't ready

Crazy little thing called love

This thing

This thing

Called love

Called love

It cries

Like a baby

In a cradle all night

It swings

Woo-ooh

It jives, yeah

It shakes all over like a jellyfish

I kinda like It

That crazy little thing called love...

Hey, try kicking it!

Try not flooding it.

Bloody piece of junk.

Why doesn't Ray scrap the thing

and get a new one?

Oh, you're joking, right?

He's tighter than a fish's bum!

The bugger bit me!

Ah!

Never start it in gear!

That clutch is dodgy.

So Doug's keeping the duck?

Um... am I the only one

that thinks that this is a bit, um...

Well, you know, um...

...unnatural?

Unnatural?

Well, his girlfriend leaves him

and he replaces her... with a duck.

What is it with you and birds?

OK.

What about all the derogatory words

we use to talk about birds? Hmm?

What?

'Bird-brained', huh?

'Feather-brained'. 'Flighty'.

We call people 'chickens' and um...

Turkeys!

Yeah, and 'c*cks', man.

We call someone 'an egg'.

Or an egg burger!

Come on.

See! They're foul.

Now, I'm going to work

and you're staying here, OK?

You understand?

You stay.

No. You're not coming, OK?

You're staying.

You're remaining behind.

Stay.

Good,

Stay!

Stay.

Look... Stay!

Sure this is the right address?

This is it. Blocked drain, it says.

Alright.

Doug! Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Um... is there a problem with Pierre?

No, no, he's fine.

OK.

I've actually got a work order

to fix a drain here,

Oh. So you're from...

Yep.

City maintenance, subcontractors.

Great.

Me and the crew.

Lovely. OK, well I'll just pop this in the office

and I'll show you the way.

You know what they say-

when you fall off a horse

the best thing to do is get

right back on again, eh?

I was just talking to her about Pierre.

Uh-huh.

There's no...

Uh-huh.

Cuh-utel She could

clean my cage any time.

And you could empty the truck any time.

Like now, Brent.

It's this way.

Hi, Doug.

Hi.

Are those your mates?

Yeah. That's my work gang.

Cool.

Might just go and

supervise them for a bit.

Supervise them?

Yeah. She's a bit man-happy.

Doug's gonna come in, and um...

...Gurneesh is just cleaning up,

Yeah.

I kind of run the guys.

Yep. Cool.

You know, it might be

the first thing Brent's got right.

She is kinda cute.

Forget it.

I don't think she's got any interest in me.

Ow! What was that for?

Oi. Where you going?

Hey. Where do you think

you're going?

Shhh.

Alright, Doug?

Hi.

Hi.

Just walking Pierre.

Great.

He seems to like your area.

Does he?

So...

Drain's almost done.

Oh, good. Great.

It's finished, you'll be...

all fully drained and...

Lovely.

Can I, uh...

help you with anything else?

Yeah, I wanted to say thank you

for helping with Pierre.

Oh, no. Not a problem.

It's what I do.

I wanted to show my thanks and...

...maybe...

...take you out for... for dinner?

Oh... uh...

Or we could just,

uh, get a coffee or...

Well, yeah. That's, um...

That's really sweet of you.

Go for a walk...

Busy!

That's alright. That's cool.

Hi, Doug.

Hi.

Holly... I am not gonna be able

to come over for dinner tonight.

I'm sorry. I had to

take the late cleaning shift.

OK.

Um, why doesn't Doug go

instead of me?

Sorry, what?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes