Love Crazy Page #11

They always double on their tracks.

They're very clever, you know.

- Maybe she's right.

- Come on, we'll have a look.

- Come on, Pinky, let's watch the fun.

- What fun? Go on and get your coat.

- We're late now.

- Oh, Pinky. I want to see him captured.

Oh, all right. Maybe they'll shoot.

All right, folks.

Back to your apartments now, please.

Isn't it terrible!

A couple of you boys better search

the bedroom and the terrace.

All right, boys.

Somebody's been here.

- Anything?

- No.

- See anything back there, boys?

- Nobody here.

He's not here. Come on across the hall.

I better lock the back door. We don't

want him doubling back here later.

All right. Come on, men.

Well.

- Oh, miss, have they found him?

- No, not yet.

Do you think they will find him?

Yes, they'll find him,

if he doesn't get out of here.

Yes, how true.

Yes, madam.

The Ireland apartment's on the 12th floor.

- Oh, yes, thank you.

- Madam, if you'll excuse me,

I don't think Mrs. Ireland

is receiving any visitors.

Oh, but I'm not a visitor.

I'm a member of the family.

Oh, sure, I see the resemblance.

I'll bet you're his mother, aren't you?

I beg your pardon. I'm his sister.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean

to make such a dumb remark.

- Quite all right, quite all right.

- My name's Willoughby, Ward Willoughby.

- How do you do.

- Look, Ward, let's help them find Steve.

- I'd like to show her up to 12A.

- No, no, no, no. I know the way.

That is, I can find it. The 12th, please.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

You know, you look awfully familiar.

Haven't we met somewhere?

No, no, I was never there.

Going up! Going up!

She's very nervous.

She wants to be alone.

The least I can do

is show her to the apartment.

- Yes, but...

- Up, boy! Up!

That's the screwiest old dame I ever saw.

Maybe Steve is nuts.

- Oh, you can't go in there, lady.

- Oh, it's all right, officer.

- I'm the unfortunate man's sister.

- Okay, ma'am.

Yes? Is there something you wanted?

- Susan.

- Steve!

- Susan.

- Oh, wait!

- What in the world are you doing in that?

- Susan, I'm in a terrible jam.

Well, I know,

but what are you trying to prove?

But they're... They're after me with guns.

Look, I'm a homicidal maniac.

- So I hear but I don't believe it, personally.

- No, of course not.

But they believe it, and if they catch me,

well, I'll be sitting in a padded cell

in a straitjacket from now on.

Steve, you might have known

something like this would happen.

I still can't understand why you...

Susan, are you going

to quarrel with me now?

I've had the most terrible time

just trying to get to you.

I've been chased, scalded, drowned...

Look, I even had

to shave off my mustache.

- Doesn't that prove I love you?

- Perhaps, but it...

It doesn't prove why you didn't use

that taxicab the night of our anniversary.

But that... Darling, I forgot about it.

I told you that all we did was to walk over

to a little bar and have a drink.

I spent the whole evening

talking about you.

Honest, darling, I completely forgot

that we had a taxi waiting.

- I wish I could believe that.

- Well, then, why don't you believe it?

Oh, look, honey cake,

you hide me somewhere

until the cops leave the building,

and then tomorrow morning

we'll hop on a plane and fly to Canada.

George can pull some wires

and straighten out this lunacy business

while we're having a second honeymoon,

Susan, a wonderful second honeymoon.

- All right, I'll do it.

- Oh, darling.

No, no. I mean, I'll hide you.

- You'll go to Canada alone.

- But, Susan...

That's his voice.

You better... You better go in there.

And be very quiet.

Where is he, Susan? Where is he, in there?

- Where's who?

- Steve. We heard his voice.

He is here, isn't he?

I seem to recall asking you

not to look for him.

Now, Susan, I'm not going to let Steve put

this over on you, no matter what you say.

- Later on you'll thank me for it.

- Come on, officer.

Officer, stay right where you are

unless you have a search warrant.

Oh, now Susan, be reasonable.

Susan! Dear me. I've been so frightened.

I've just heard Steve escaped.

- Are you all right?

- Of course I'm all right. Why wouldn't I be?

Oh, I... I beg your pardon, madam.

- Oh, dear. How you frightened me.

- I'm sorry.

Oh, it's... It's... It's quite all right, Officer.

I realize that you were...

You were just doing your duty.

- We were looking for a maniac.

- Oh, yes, yes,

but it might be a very good idea

if you got into the habit of knocking

when coming into a room.

It might have been a very embarrassing

incident for both of us.

- Excuse me, please.

- That's quite all right.

Susan, you didn't tell me

that you had company.

Well, I was trying to keep them

from disturbing you.

- Oh, but...

- I... I'd like to introduce...

Oh, it's no disturbance at all.

I'm always happy to meet friends

of my brother, Stephen's.

My mother and Mr. Willoughby.

- How do you do.

- Oh, yes, we've met.

- Yes, how do you do.

- Yes.

So you're Susan's mother.

I'm just ever so... Well, just...

Just ever so...

Stephen's sister?

Oh, yes, I remember, from Saskatchewan.

Yes, that's right. From Saskatchewan.

Madam, do you mind if we search

the rest of the apartment?

Yes, I do mind.

Now will you stop snooping around

and get out of here?

Well, okay, lady, but if that nut shows up

around here and kills you,

don't blame the police department.

Come on, Dick.

Kills you? Whatever's going on here?

Susan won't tell us where Steve is hiding.

- But you don't know, do you, dear?

- She sure does.

We heard his voice in here

not five minutes ago.

Will you give me one good reason

why this is any business of yours?

It's anybody's business who likes you

to keep you from making a fool of yourself.

Really? I still think

it's none of your business.

- Suppose I want to make a fool of myself?

- Now, now, dear.

It's only natural that you should

have a weakness for Stephen,

but you'll never be happy

until you've fought it and conquered it.

Your mother's

absolutely right, Susan.

Steve double-crossed you once and

he'll do it again if you give him the chance.

- Your garter!

- What?

Oh, nothing.

I was just asking Miss Ireland

to pardon you.

You're being very rude talking like this

in front of Steve's sister.

Gee, I'm sorry, I...

I didn't mean to be rude, Susan, honest.

But if a thing's true,

I just go ahead and say it.

You're perfectly right.

You can't make an omelet

without breaking eggs.

That's right.

I'm sorry if I offended you, miss,

but it's not my fault if Steve's a stinker.

A stinker?

- Now, see here, Mr...

- Willoughby. Ward Willoughby.

Mr. Willoughby.

I've heard just about enough from...

What's the matter?

Are you feeling ill?

- What is it?

- Well, I... I don't know.

I don't feel any pain,

but I can't straighten up.

Lumbago! That's exactly the way

it gets you.

Now come on inside,

and I'll take off your clothes.

- Oh, no! I wouldn't do that.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes