Love Is a Four Letter Word

The party's over boys. Move on.

Let's get a group together.

Please be respectful of the

neighbours and go home quietly.

Mace. The sidewalk

sale has commenced.

Sidewalk sale. Everything

marked down fifty percent.

Total liquidation.

Everything must go.

Giveaway.

Love in the twenty-first century?

People can be what

they wanna be?

Any way you want it?

Any way you want it?

Love in the twenty-first century?

Good morning, Marilyn.

Though we're living

in a modern world?

I still believe in?

Baby, maybe I'm a special

girl 'cause I'm looking for?

A different kind of love?

Turn around, baby.

Not the ordinary one?

I'm trying to find?

Inhale. Come back

into ''warrior one'

A different kind of love?

And exhale. Bring the

hands to the floor...

and take your left foot

back 'downward facing dog.'

Take your right foot

up to your hands...

and breathe into

'warrior one' posture.

And exhale come into a

''warrior two' posture.

Pause here for a moment.

Alive?

Did I have fun?

Yes.

Did I?

Yeah.

Got everything?

Cell phone?

Yes.

Wallet?.

Yes.

Self-respect?.

That wasn't with me last night.

I'm dying to find?

A different kind of love?

I bought this for my... girlfriend.

And, uh... you know...

It just...

It wasn't the right fit.

So what's your return...

Sir, we kind of have a policy -

There's no exchanges or

refunds on d*ldos...

or penetrating devices.

I mean, but it wasn't what we

were looking for, you know.

I understand. Maybe

you can take it home...

and use it as a dog chew

toy or a paperweight.

Thanks for coming

to the Gaybourhood.

Thanks.

Have a good day.

'morning.

Good morning.

You're late.

I know.

Considering this is only your

second week on the job -

You sure treat it with

a lot of contempt.

Oh, don't take it personally, Zeke.

I treat all of my

jobs with contempt.

Don't expect me to last very long.

I don't.

Good morning, sir.

All purple d*ldos are on sale today.

Don't forget to buy in bulk.

It's a wonderful day

for dildo-buying.

Zeke, I had the most

incredible fourgy last night.

I just don't even

know where to begin.

Please, don't. I just had breakfast.

Zeke -

Sex can be a lot of fun.

Don't knock it.

Just because I define

myself as a gay man,

doesn't mean that I'm a whore.

I never charged a penny in my life.

Hi. Swimwear is on sale, right?.

For you, anything.

Twenty-nine dollars.

I'll take them.

These are going to

look hot on you.

Hey, don't I know

you from somewhere?

I don't know.

You look familiar, too.

Long John'

Excuse me?

That's how I entered

you in my cell phone.

We hooked up about a year ago.

I f***ed you in my bathroom.

Jesus Christ.

Right. I vaguely remember now.

Fun times.

How you been?

Good.

Long John, these

are gonna hug you...

in all the right places.

So do you still have my number?.

We should do it again sometime.

I'm flattered, but actually

I don't do that anymore.

Bathtubs?

Sex.

I'm in S.C.A.

Oh I'm sorry, I

don't speak acronym.

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous

Right, hush hush.

Why?

You couldn't tell I'm

a sexual compulsive?

No. I thought you had sex

with me because you like me.

Not because you're a compulsive.

When we had sex...

I had a slip.

I never smelled anything.

Here's my card.

Perhaps we can

hang out sometime.

Yeah, but how will I know

when you're having a slip?

Oh, not for sex.

Maybe you'd like to

check out an SCA meeting?

Or a cuddle party.

Cuddle party?

How sad.

He is one of life's

cruel contradictions -

A total bottom with

a dick to die for.

And then - when he should

be going to meetings...

to learn how to top -

He decides to stop

having sex all together.

Double sad.

I don't see what's sad about

someone realizing they have...

a problem, and trying to

do something about it.

Seeing all these grown

up men spending...

all their time trying to

get laid, now that's sad.

Oh Zeke, please.

There's a lot of important

stuff happening out there.

Issues that we need to fight for...

Civil rights,

Discrimination, equality, marriage.

Well I don't see you

out on the barricades.

You're working here with me

here, peddling rubber dick.

Now why is that?

This is just temporary.

Hey Marilyn.

Oh Peter. Peter.

Guess what?

What?.

Who's getting married?

I am.

Bart asked me to marry him

this morning. I'm engaged.

Congratulations.

My God, that's awesome.

Did you guys set a date?

We're thinking mid-September.

There's just so much to do.

Oh Peter. I am so excited for us.

You and Derek moving in together

and me off to get married.

It really goes to

show, you, you know -

Dreams do come true.

Congratulations, Bart.

Bart, sit down over here...

so we can discuss the

wedding invitations.

Not your department?.

I thought so.

Leave us alone then.

Kissy Kissy.

Kissy Kissy.

Men - it's never too late

to teach them new tricks.

Anyway, it might be a

bit premature, but...

I've started working

on a seating chart.

Let me get your input.

This is huge.

Maybe this would be a good

time to go over some rules.

What kind of rules?

I would just hate for us to fight...

about the small stuff,

you know, like...

...who's turn it is to do the dishes,

and taking out the

garbage and stuff.

And then there's the

toilet seat issue.

You know how much

that bothers me.

Maybe we could put up a sign,

you know, to remind me.

I'm serious.

A lot of relationships go bad

when people move in together.

I just don't want

that to happen to us.

Baby, it won't.

We just have to be

considerate of each other,

and give each other some slack.

Right?.

Right.

Besides, it's too late.

Unless you were planning...

on putting me out on

the street or something.

I didn't say I changed my mind.

Are you trying to get me drunk?

Yeah, a little bit.

Here, let's have a toast, okay?

To ten wonderful

months together and...

many, many more to come.

I love you.

I love you more.

Let the manhunt begin.

Loose a button, make a friend.

You gonna come up for air, baby?

It's just so cavernous.

I'm addicted to cleavage.

I don't understand it.

Um, maybe because

it resembles ass?

Halt.

Quality control.

I need to verify that this

drink is not poisoned.

Water?.

What?. Are you

pregnant or something?

That is a rare species of cock.

What are you? Some kind

of penis anthropologist?.

What do we have here, Mace?

We have an ergonomic variety.

Not often found in North America.

I am South African.

Well that explains it.

So what will it be Luke?

Something stiff and

fruity. Like my men.

Two vodkas. Splash of cranberry.

I've got me a

twenty-five dollar p*ssy,

ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my god.

A five dollar ghetto booty

and two dollar titties.

Oh there they go.

Who needs Botox when

you got cupcakes?

You know what Annie

said, don't you?

Uh, who?

You know, Orphan Annie.

That lucky little b*tch

with the red hair.

I give up.

You're never fully

dressed without a smile.

And that would make you naked.

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