Love Is All There Is

Once upon a time...

about three months ago

on a Tuesday...

this thing happened...

in a peaceful, tucked-away

part of the Bronx...

called City lsland...

a place that's many things.

To the sailor, it's sailing.

To the fisherman, it's fishing.

To the soul searcher,

it's soul searching.

That's me! Mona Barcavella,

psychic herbalist.

l'm doing my dance to conjure up

a good summer tourist trade...

but because City lsland

is home to ltalian Americans...

to them, it's eating.

Here food is king,

and no place was more beloved...

than the Prince Rosario

House of Cappamezza...

Gourmet Catering

and Original Wedding Designs...

ruled by

Sadie and Mike Cappamezza...

More hot pepper!

...whose Sicilian cooking

was known for hot colors...

spicy sauces,

and jumbo portions.

Then one day,

there opened across the bay...

the Royal House of Malacici

of Florence...

Continental Caterers

and Wedding Couturiers...

owned by real blue bloods

from ltaly...

Count and Contessa Malacici...

and they brought City lslanders

their Northern ltalian cuisine:

dainty, low-fat portions...

pastel colors, subtle flavors.

lt was inevitable...

between the two families

there would be bad blood.

Shakespeare once said,

''Hey! What's in a name?''

But he was wrong...

because Cappamezza

means ''half a head''...

and Malacici means ''bad beans.''

The story

begins Fourth of July...

when our local church

was about to put on...

its annual amateur benefit...

What if her eyes were there,

they in her head?

The brightness of her cheek

would shame those stars.

O, that l were

a glove upon that hand...

that l might touch that cheek.

Which brings us

to our heroine...

my best customer,

Sadie Cappamezza...

Ah, me.

You give me so much more

than lsabel Fasuli.

She weighs

How can l believe that's Juliet?

You got to make believe

you love her, too.

And the joy of her life,

Rosario Cappamezza...

the prince of the Prince Rosario

House of Cappamezza...

Gourmet Catering

and Original Wedding Designs.

Rudy, give me a break!

-l'm giving you 2/3 off!

-lt's still not enough.

Give it to her for cost.

Mary, the food

is for the church benefit.

l want a better price

than cost.

Better than cost?

We should take a loss?

When you give to God,

you get a huge tax deduction.

All right, half cost.

You're only halfway to heaven.

Go to hell!

All right,

you get it for nothing.

Here's $10 for the church.

Good morning, Dr. Rondino.

Good morning, Mrs. Rondino.

-Good morning.

-l break both arms.

My son, the dottore,

he fix them.

l never saw anyone

so accidental-prone...

like Mrs. Rondino.

Her son is the most eligible

doctor in the neighborhood...

but her broken bones

keeps him home.

Even Mother Teresa would call

a mother like that...

a bossy scuccamend.

Mrs. Rondino is not as dumb

as she looks.

Married sons, they turn on

their mothers now because...

daughter-in-laws, nothing

is sacred to them anymore.

My son Johnny

married this mamarel Louise.

Sweet girl.

Sweet?

l said to her one day...

''Would you mind carrying

my groceries, please?''

You know what she said to me?

''Carry your own

friggin' bags, b*tch.''

Oh, my God.

l look over at my son Johnny...

and he's looking at her

like this.

My Rosario, he would

never ever treat me like that...

when he's old enough

to get married.

Taking anybody to

the charity ball after the show?

l'm helping Pop with the pasta.

How about l call

Angela Mercandante for you?

Ma, don't start with me.

What about l mention you

to Cathy Augustino's mother?

-Ma!

-Watch out!

ldiot! You cut me off!

We'll put you out of business,

you Sicilian swamp guinea!

l got the right of way!

You'll put your sister's ass...

out of business,

you Florentine mountain wop!

Rosario!

l'm sorry l cursed, Ma...

but if these Malacicis

think they're so good...

how come

they didn't stay in ltaly?

Rosario,

forget about the Malacicis.

You just think about

playing Romeo tonight...

that you're going to be

even better this year...

than you was last year

as Pinocchio.

Mona!

Hi!

This Malacici crisis

is making me crazy.

We're in debt up to here

from expanding...

and we may lose

the Fredericos...

the biggest wedding

of the season...

to these intruders!

l brought sfogliatelle.

My favorite!

l don't know if

my business can handle...

this kind of competition,

you know?

l haven't lost one pound

on my new diet.

And my husband hasn't

made love to me in weeks.

What am l going to do, Mona?

ls there another woman?

Blessed Roscoe says...

he sees your business

prospering.

The Blessed Roscoe says...

keep looking at the sunny side.

Good. Good.

Who's the Blessed Roscoe?

My new guide.

What happened to the Angel Vito?

His work was done

on City lsland.

He moved on to another psychic

named Shirley Ballucas...

in Bayonne, New Jersey.

But the Blessed Roscoe

is a powerful presence!

ln the 17th Century...

when his eyes were gouged

and his fingers chopped off...

and he was burnt at the stake...

he smiled and said,

''Don't feel guilty.''

That's why he's known

as the Merry Martyr.

You tell him

l'm really pleased to meet him.

The Blessed Roscoe

knows you are.

Here. Wear this rose oil

when you're meeting customers.

The money will come floating in.

About your diet...

maybe you're having trouble

because you're afraid...

like l am, that every man

wants me sexually.

About your husband...

Yeah?

The Blessed Roscoe says...

there's no other woman

in his life.

Who's Fidella?

That's our cat.

He plays with her a lot.

That will taper off.

Here.

Burn these in your bedroom...

and he'll want lust from you.

The Blessed Roscoe says

it will be heartfelt but quick.

Look, it's a start.

About Rosario...

l'm smelling

a little problem...

but a deep one.

-Oh, no.

-Yes.

l'm smelling him

falling in love with a girl...

he's saying poetry to.

That's her.

He's playing Romeo tonight...

but it couldn't be

with this Juliet.

Smell for yourself.

l'm smelling him

loving so passionately...

nothing stands in his way.

This girl playing Juliet--

lsabel Fasuli--

she's a scuccamend!

And we're catering her wedding.

She's marrying

Vinny Baldilamente.

Blessed Roscoe?

Blessed Roscoe agrees.

l never thought

l'd lose him this soon.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

The meats

don't go in the sauce yet!

That's stupid!

Any dummy will tell you

they're ready for the sauce!

l catch you messing

with my sauce again...

behind my back l'll kick you

out of the kitchen!

You'll kick your sauce

out of the kitchen!

What's going on here?

Look at my meat.

ls it ready for the sauce yet?

No. You got to get out

more fat.

You're crazy! As crazy as him.

Ma, put your tooth back in.

l can't remember where l put it.

And don't call us crazy no more.

l always call you crazy.

lt never bothered you before.

lt always bothered me.

-lt bothers you, too?

-Of course!

You should have told me sooner.

l'm too old to change now.

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