Love of My Life Page #8

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our daughter down the aisle,

and we'd kind of just

fall into each other's arms.

At my wedding?

Well, that's the great thing

about having a kid with someone.

You never completely lose touch with them.

Mom said that that was the worst thing

about having a kid with someone.

[Chiming]

Oh, I have a text.

Is that your mother?

- Oh.

- What?

It's from Will.

Who's Will?

Does he-does he drive a black Land Rover?

Will is Kaitlyn's married boyfriend

whose wife called her

a whore in front of Mom.

[Whispering] So awkward.

What did he say?

"Can I C U?

Told D leaving,

U R T R L V!"

What a cryptic means of communication.

Zoe:
Oh Dad, it's texting.

Come on, everybody does it.

Well, I don't.

A dog communicates with more elegance.

Alright, go on then, translate.

Okay.

Will told D, his wife

D stands for wife?

Her name is Darla.

What's the point of a code

if it's that easy to break?

Will told his wife that he's leaving her

because Kaitlyn is his true love.

Maybe he really does love me,

maybe all that's happened

has just been a bumpy start,

that would be so much better than a

soul-destroying affair with

a lying creep that could

destroy my self-esteem forever.

- What should I do?

- Okay-

No, that was a rhetorical question.

No, I've got your answer to it.

There's no way you should be giving a guy

like that a second chance.

You told me to forgive him! Remember?

He lives here? Number two?

Yeah, although he never invited me over.

Now I know why.

Maybe we should just leave.

Well, since we have established

that he doesn't always tell the truth,

we need to determine the facts

before I can finalize my advice.

Yeah, I really don't like advice.

You need advice.

Even if I wanted advice,

I wouldn't ask my mother's ex-husband.

If the only parental figure in your life

is gonna be Tom-

Mom always said that Tom was the sane one.

I've changed!

Why does nobody believe that?

[Knocking]

Richard:
Is this D?

Darla:
Oh my god!

You're Richard Feekery!

We're here to see W

and I don't mean the

incompetent ex-president,

I'm talking about your current husband.

Will. Will!

I love your books.

Thank you!

- I quite like her.

- Shut up.

Hi... Lyn.

Hi. Hi!

Alright, I used to be a

lying married sh*t myself,

so let's not play games, okay?

Haven't got around

to telling your wife

you're in love with someone else.

Well, we've all been there.

But bringing your wife

along to meet your

future mother-in-law

who's dying,

I'm sorry, but that's

crossing the line, even for me.

But, thanks to a flippant remark I made

while thinking of no one but myself,

this sweet, wonderful,

stubborn young woman is hoping that one day

this will be a look

back and laugh anecdote.

Which brings us to this.

Are you really planing

on leaving your wife?

And I mean in the packing

and seeing a lawyer sense,

not in the daydreaming

while you're horny sense.

[Chuckles]

I um...

He lied to me again.

I am so stupid!

Don't let this schmuck see

that you're upset, alright?

Show D the insincere

letters of the alphabet.

That woman who loves my books should know

what kind of man she's married to.

You were gonna spend

your entire life

regretting this.

You bastard!

Trust me, I know.

Come on, girls.

Let's get out of here.

And D, can I give you some advice?

- Do you take advice?

- Yes, please.

Advice from Richard Feekery!

See, someone who takes advice.

D, you have lovely eyes.

There are better

men than W who would

just die for a woman with eyes like yours.

That's my advice.

Good day.

I knew I should have done

more active parenting.

Your mother never thought

I'd be any good at it.

Kaitlyn:
If I was

that wrong about him,

how am I ever gonna be sure

I've found my real true love?

Yeah, tell me about it.

I used to think I loved

Tamara more than your mother.

I even wrote a whole book about it.

Kenny Slitzer is way cuter than he is.

Just saying.

Who?

The first guy she ever kissed.

I think he may be my true love.

Hasn't seen him since she was 14.

Kaitlyn, I never forgot about him.

He could be your true love.

No, come on, Kaitlyn, he could be.

I mean, it's like

I can't stop thinking about

your mother even though

I've had loads of women.

Ugh!

Well it's kind of easy for a

Tolstoy Prize winning author to get laid.

I just befriended him online.

Do you guys want to see?

- Sure, darling.

- He's so cute.

Aw, yeah, he's adorable.

You should send him one of those little

alphabetical messages.

Tom:
You borrowed booze

off the neighbours.

I would never have thought of that.

Well, it's a friendly

neighbourhood, isn't it?

I thought Toronto

would be really boring.

It's actually rather nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

I didn't like it at first um,

Grace is the one who wanted to move here.

But uh,

it grows on you.

And the Canadians, they're...

They're really polite.

I love this house.

Oh yeah, we fixed it up.

Well, Grace.

Grace fixed it up.

Will you stay here afterwards?

Uh...

I don't know.

It's big for one.

Yeah.

I wonder if Kaitlyn would move in with me.

No, no, no, you can't ask Kaitlyn,

that's not fair.

She's got her own life to live.

Yeah, it's

hard to imagine the

rest of one's life alone.

What?

Beautiful man like you.

Good job, nice house.

What is it you do again?

I teach uh,

at a

community college.

An intellectual.

Computer repair and maintenance.

Oh, have to beat them off with a stick.

That's really

not how I see myself.

Well, we never see

ourselves accurately, do we?

I mean, what's accurate?

The way other people see us or

the monster staring

back at us in the mirror?

Mom comes here when she can't sleep

'cause it's open all night.

I know.

That's why I picked it.

So that Kenny and I can

tell our children that we

rekindled our love at their

grandmother's favourite cafe.

Shouldn't Zoe meet him alone?

Richard:
No.

He could be a serial killer.

I mean, he's not gonna put

that on his Facebook, is he?

Oh my god.

He's here.

Zoe.

Kenny, hi.

Oh, you look great.

Thank you, so do you.

Ooh, ten bucks says this is a mistake.

- You are on.

- You're on.

- Do you-

- Hey.

Hi, I'm Richard Feekery.

You're not a reader, are you?

Sit down, sit down.

I'm Zoe's dad and this is-

I thought your dad was Tom?

Well, she's got two dads.

Welcome to the 21st century, kid.

What, you want to go

back to my parents' day,

when married couples had to

live together in misery forever

because they couldn't get a divorce?

You think that's a better world?

No.

Uh, okay.

And this is Zoe's sister, Kaitlyn.

She's had a tough day.

[Sighing] Yeah.

I remember you from school.

Hm.

Richard:
So, go ahead,

guys, get reacquainted.

Ah- [Clearing Throat]

Um...

Alright, you're nervous.

And you should be,

this is big stuff.

Love, sex, marriage.

Children.

Adultery.

Divorce.

Loneliness.

Death.

Throw in a little alcoholism,

sex addiction.

Bankruptcy,

suicidal thoughts,

regrets so enormous

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