Love Sick Love Page #6

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Mom?

Just this once.

'F***' six times,

'Mother f***er' four times.

'Cocksucker' five times,

'Cocksucker mother f***er'

eight times.

'Son of a b*tch' three times,

'Sh*t'...

Eleven times...

And you told mom

to 'blow me' once.

I'm not sure what that means

but I can tell it's bad.

Oh, and I'm not

including the word "poo"

because Dolly and I

are allowed to say it.

Ha-ha! He said poo!

Alright fine, minus one point

for having a potty mouth.

That's a nine.

And speaking of potty,

I don't want a dad

who still wets the bed.

Okay, now... That's not fair!

So that's minus another point.

That's a total of twelve

points. Who's next?

And twelve of thirty-five

is what percent?

What?

You said you were

good at percentages.

Twelve of thirty-five

is what percent?

Do you or don't you

know the answer?

Give me a quick second.

I have to...

I'll take that as a no.

I give him a seven out of ten.

That's seventy percent! Ha!

And like Dolly couldn't

have gotten that one right.

Nice try.

Oh lookie here.

A rifle.

What I've always wanted.

Wait-wait-wait!

Don't I get a chance

for rebuttal or something?

Grandma, you're next.

On a commercial break.

Come on!

We gotta get this going.

Commercial break.

Hit the Pause!

I'll give him a ten.

Yes! A ten! Loving you, Edna.

Great, Grandma gives him a ten.

You've got twenty one points.

Dolly you're up.

Out of ten points, how

much do you like Norman?

Of all the daddy's that

mommy has brought home

I like Norman the best.

Wow? Even better than Hans?

Excuse me.

The child was talking.

I'm going to give him

the best number ever.

And I thank you, Dolly.

I always knew you?

And the best number

is five and a half.

What?

Five and a half because

that's how old I am.

Five and a half.

Aww lookie here!

I guess I was good this year.

Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!

Dori still gets a vote?

Fat chance!

You only got twenty six points.

Twenty six and a half.

There's no way Dori's

gonna give you a nine.

Right?

Norman. Believe me

when I say this

that no one wanted

this relationship more than me.

God, you made me so happy.

Grandma?

Kids. Gotta go to bed.

- But I wanna watch.

- No.

- That's not fair.

- No.

It's past bedtime.

Albert! Come on.

I never get to watch.

Norman...

I have tried and tried

and tried with you.

But if I pull away

from the fairy tale

I have to be

honest with myself.

Dori, please don't do this.

For the first time in

my life I'm wondering

if true love is even possible.

Dori, please listen to me.

There was something there.

We had something, it was there.

No there wasn't.

I was foolish

to think otherwise.

You're out for one thing

and one thing only.

Just like those other men.

I'm not like those other men.

You're just like

those other men.

No. I'm not.

See... look. I'm not.

I'm not like those other men.

I'm giving it back, Dori.

I'm giving back your heart.

See?

Take it. Take the bear, Dori.

Please, take the bear Dori.

Please Dori. Take the bear.

Please! God!

Dori, take the bear?

Stop it! Alright!

It's f***ing over!

I'm telling

you right now man...

back the f*** up!

You won't do anything!

I'm not f***ing around.

I will blow her head off!

Give me the keys to the collar.

Give me the f***ing keys!!!

You can dangle there and

rot in hell for all I care.

F***! F***!

God damn it,

you f***ing people!

You lied to me, Norman.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

You've been nothing but a lie.

I never lied about

the way I felt.

Happy f***ing New Year, Dori.

How does love happen?

With all the random

people in the world,

how do two of them

meet, connect,

and then fall in love?

A couple might feel

passion, or lust,

but it's not the same.

True love is strength and

security and it's forever.

I loved you, Norman.

I truly loved you.

As we go about the chaos

of our daily lives,

we're left wondering how, when,

or even if it will

ever happen to us.

But it happens.

At a completely random,

but perfectly precise moment,

two people connect

and fall in love.

It doesn't happen very often.

That's why you have

to keep looking.

And the search for love can be

a very scary and lonely journey.

Sad to say - some hearts

get broken along the way.

But I still believe in love.

I still believe

there's someone out there

who will sweep me off my feet.

I know there is.

There's got to be.

I just have to keep looking.

Maybe I will call

Scotty Griffin.

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