Love Sick Love Page #5

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Don't! It's not

what you think, Dori.

Who the hell is Cara?

You son-of-a-b*tch!

After all

I've done for you! How!

How dare you do this

to my and my family!

You son-of-a-b*tch!

You a**hole!

So?

Who would like to begin?

I'll go.

Do you love her?

Who?

Cara? Do you love her?

No.

Oh, so you're just

screwing her, is that it?

Maybe I'll just call Scotty

Griffin from the General Store

and start screwing him.

How would that make you feel?

Oh, I like Scotty Griffin.

He always has a warm

smile on his face.

We're not even together.

Yeah, you made that very clear.

You're just screwing her.

I mean you and me, Dori.

I'm not with you!

I'm not with Cara!

I'm not with anyone!

How can you say that

we're not together?

We. Are. Not. To-gether.

After everything

that I've done for you.

You're such an a**hole.

That's not getting

us anywhere -

F*** you too, Grandma.

I've done everything

you've asked me to.

I've put up with all

of your crazy sh*t.

Norman, is this because

you're afraid of commitment?

It's because she's

f***ing kidnapped me.

It's because she's beaten

the sh*t out of me

and shackled me to the floor.

It's because she's ripped

the steering wheel

out of my f***ing car!

Does Dr. Fisher have

a chapter on that one?

You do nothing

but finger point.

When are you going to start

owning up to your mistakes?

- You cheated on me, Goddamn you!

- For the love of God, woman!

You're putting up walls

and retreating into yourself.

I'm retreating because you

scare the sh*t out of me!

Do you remember when I took

you to see Taming of the Shrew?

It was our third date?

Oh! Was that you?

You were walking back

from getting us

drinks our eyes locked

and you had

a look on your face.

What was it?

What was that look?

I don't know, Dori.

I love you?

You love me?

Your tits looked good

in your dress?

Any of those right?

Was there ever a chance

for you to love me?

I don't even know

what that word means.

That is such a shame,

because you have no idea

what you're missing.

Can I just say something?

Of course, Norman.

You know... What you said,

that last thing.

What?

Uh, I mean...

Maybe I am missing something.

I mean it's not like

I have everything figured out.

Take these holidays.

I haven't really been embracing

them to be perfectly honest.

What are you getting at?

I don't know! Hey!

Why don't I take charge

of one of the holidays?

So now you want

to do a holiday?

Yeah! Hey, why don't we

celebrate Mother's Day?

Yeah, right. It's a little

too late to be sucking up.

I'm not sucking up.

What would Dr. Fisher say?

Well, that's a good question.

Dr. Fisher always says you

need to forgive your partner.

Forgive Dori,

this relationship has no hope

unless you forgive Norman

and give him another chance.

Yeah. Come on, Dori.

Let me rally the troops.

Make you breakfast,

bring it to you in bed.

I'm not saying I have

everything figured it out,

but I'm saying

I'm willing to try.

These holidays mean

nothing to you, Norman.

I know. But they

mean something to you.

And that means something to me.

Please, Dori. Let me show

you what I'm capable of.

It'll be nice.

Come on, let's pick up the pace.

Your mother's going to love it.

Aren't these flowers beautiful.

This isn't really

a Denver omelet

because the ham

isn't from Denver.

Yeah, we covered that already.

All right.

Let's go. Get in.

Ready Mommy?

Happy Mother's Day.

I picked the flowers.

I stirred the eggs.

Beautiful!

Happy Mother's Day!

Well?

Well I'm not going to lie.

It's pretty spectacular.

And to think you doubted me.

I don't know what to say.

Dori - you don't

have to say anything!

Oh you son-of-a-b*tch!

You bastard!

Norman! Norman! F***!

Norman! Come back here!

Norman! Norman!

You come back here right now!

You come back here right now!

Norman! Norman! Come back here!

Norman! Norman! God damn you!

Get back here! Norman!

F***! F***! F*** you, Norman!

Norman! Norman, please!

Dolly's having an attack!

She can't breathe!

She needs her inhaler!

Please Norman!

Please Norman!

F*** you, Dori.

Please. I'm begging you!

Norman, she's gonna die if

she doesn't get her inhaler.

Please! Please! Please!

I'm begging you! Please!

Please! She's gonna die!

I'm begging you!

Dolly's going to die?

Norman please hurry!

I am! I am!

Where is it?

It's in the drawer

below the breadbox.

Okay, I got it!

Hurry up, Norman!

What are you doing?

Dolly needs you!

Don't f*** with me!

She needs you! Just hurry up!

I promise I won't do anything.

Okay. I'm just doing

this for Dolly.

Hurry up!

Don't you f*** with me!

I got the inhaler!

Unlock the door, please!

Just unlock the door!

Please, just open the door,

toss the inhaler in

I do that then you'll

hit me in the head

with a microwave

or something. No way!

Just open the door!

Get in the closet!

Norman!

I'm not coming in until

everyone gets in the closet!

Trick or treat.

Can we open up

one present? Please?

Not now. Maybe later.

This is important.

As you may have noticed,

Daddy and I have

been having some

relationship hiccups.

And I'm certainly not

here to place blame, okay?

Although I'm not

the one who cheated.

But as always, I'm going

to put our relationship

in the hands of

my beloved family.

So I want you all to

give this very careful?

Stop touching me!

I'm gonna have to put you

to bed right now, am I?

No?

We'll do our usual scoring.

One out of ten, ten being best.

Since there's five

of us, it'll be?

What about me?

Don't I get a vote?

Let's say if he gets a total

of forty points, he'll stay.

Anything less and, well...

Be sure to cover

the Nativity scene.

It has sentimental value.

I remember. I remember.

Hold on a second?

What's that for?

Don't you think forty is uh-

Forty out of fifty

is a tad high?

She deserves a

fifty out of fifty.

And it upsets me that you

think I should have to settle.

Come on, Dori. It's not settling

that much - thirty-five?

It's still above average.

So you're okay with

being just average?

Above average.

Wow. Okay then.

Let's all vote on this slightly

above average relationship.

All we need is

seven points per person

and we can keep this slightly

above average family together.

It's 10pm.

Do you know where

your children are?

Ooo, we gotta get

the kids to bed.

It's getting late.

Okay. We need to get started.

Thirty-five points it is.

Who's first?

Four!

Grandpa starts

things off with a four.

Who's next?

A four?

Only reason why you're even

getting that many is

because I've seen Dori smilin'

around you a couple of times.

Ed's never even taken the

time to get to know me.

What I know, I don't like.

A four.

Moving on.

Okay. My turn. My turn.

Albert, buddy. Whazzup?

You know, when you first

got here, I was like,

"Wow! Finally mom

brought home a ten. "

A ten! Yes!

Hi five, little buddy!

But...

then you opened

your potty mouth.

Potty mouth?

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